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Script


Lee: "I'm the guy who got detention for a whole year for pulling off the biggest prank in high school history. Except, I didn't do it. And trying to prove that little fact hasn't exactly been easy. But things changed when the mastermind behind the whole prank made contact with me." [Pictures of Lee getting messages from Radcircles are shown.] "I came this close to finding out who it was, but they got away! I still don't know who switched my bag and set me up for the prank. But there's one thing I do know. If I don't find out who 'Radcircles' is, I may never see life outside detention again!"
Detentionaire

3:30:14 PM
Lee: "At 4:15, detention gets out. Problem is, I don't have detention today, and if I don't make it back to the car before my mom does, I'll be grounded till college."
[Lee is running down the track that rings the football field. He is being chased by three large students and the Red Tazelwurm.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: Okay, skill-testing question. What's worse: death by fifteenth grader, the Tazelwurm– [spotting his mom exiting the school] –or Mom?
Earlier that day...7:37 AM
[Lee is riding to school with his mom.]
Mrs. Ping: "Lousy traffic!" [She swerves, and Lee's head knocks against the window.]
Lee: "Oof. Ow!" [His phone beeps, and he checks it.] "A calendar reminder?" [Onscreen are ten numbers: 1287-24-12-19.] "I never put these numbers here."
Mrs. Ping: "Lee Ping. No texting while driving, you know that isn't safe." [She swerves, and Lee drops his phone.] "See?"

[Lee meets up with his friends as they walk into the school.]
Lee: "Check it out, guys. It's some weird number sequence." [They enter the school.] "Do you think Radcircles emailed it to me?"
Camillio: [grabbing Lee's phone] "You can't email numbers into a calendar. You gotta type that stuff in by hand, bro! Or in your case, by some weird prank person's probably like totally creepy hand." [Lee's eyes narrow. Cam grabs Holger's drink and sips from it.] "Aah, brain freeze!" [fully tasting the drink] "Is that, like, bacon?"
Holger: "Jeah, of course. Bacon, eggs, and sausage breakfast smoothie. Yummy, no?"
Lee and Camillio: "No."
[Cam holds out Holger's smoothie so he can take it back, but instead the Red Tazelwurm grabs it from on top of the lockers. The Red Tazelwurm takes off with the drink.]
Holger: "Aah! Holger's drink go bye." [waving] "Bye."
Lee: "Wait. I always keep my phone on me, except for the time I had that crazy fever and the Tazelwurm stole it from me!"


[Lee flashes back. He and Biffy are under attack from the Red Tazelwurm.]
Biffy: "Just turn it off!"
[Lee looks down at his hand to do so, but realizes that his phone has been stolen by the reptile.]
Lee: "Hey, my phone!"


Camillio: [skeptical] "It left you its phone number? Aww, that's so sweet, dude. So what do Tazelwurms like do on a first date? See a movie, munch on furry rodents?"
Lee: [taking his phone back] "Seriously, what do these numbers mean, is it code?"
Camillio: "You're the math whiz, numero man."
Holger: [pointing over his shoulder] "Maybe ask mathletes. They whiz too."
[The mathletes are heading to class. Greta spots Holger and waves to him. Holger blissfully waves back.]
Tina: [on the intercom] "Would the following students report to Room 113b. Chopper McNeal and Freddy Patterson."
Lee: "Great idea, Holg. Mathletes never turn down a question about numbers. It's one of their rules."
Holger: [eager] "Oh! So Holger go ask question now? For I spy zhe Greta times!"
[Holger walks away. Lee turns to his other friend.]
Lee: "Holger doesn't actually have a thing for Greta, does he?"
Camillio: "Bro-oh, dude's got a thing for zombie masks, unicorns, and egg-bacon-and-sausage smoothies. Need I say more?"


[The mathletes are in the library when Holger walks up to them.]
Holger: "Greetings, lover of numbers."
Greta: [wiggling her eyebrow] "Hi, Holger."
Holger: "Hello everyone, but especially the most hearty hello to the Greta. I was wondering if maybe you can help Holger with the most urgent of math problem."
Mrs. Alice: "Ssh."
Irwin: "Actually, you were just leaving."
Holger: "But is rule, no? You must answer query."
Greta: "It's true. We do have to help."
Irwin: [irritated] "Fine."
[Irwin snatches the paper from Holger's hands, and Holger giggles. Irwin lays the paper on the table, and the mathletes lean over to look at it–including Beth, who drools on the paper due to her retainer.]
Irwin: "I can't read it if you're drooling on it, Beth!" [Beth shuts her mouth.] "Hmm. Anyone?"
[Greta raises her hand.]


Lee: "A pH calibration index?"
Holger: "And the way she slurs her Ps, is pretty, like cockroach that sings."
Lee: "I'll take your word on that. But that's not what these numbers are."
[Lee hears a clang and looks up. Holger is bashing his face against a locker.]
Holger: "Ohhoo! Greta's great brain has failed us! Oh, no! Gah!"
Lee: "What could these numbers mean?"
Holger: [still slamming his face into a locker] "Ay! Dah! Oh!" [He stops when a vent cover opens above his head and the Red Tazelwurm sticks its head out.]
Lee: "Chill, Holger, you're disturbing the wildlife."
[The Red Tazelwurm slithers out of the vents and taps Holger's locker number. Some cleaners rush towards it, and the Red Tazelwurm takes off. Lee's phone beeps.]
Lee: "Okay, I don't need a reminder every two minutes!" [His brow furrows as he looks at the reminder.] "Wait. Twelve eighty-seven?" [He looks at Holger's forehead, where the locker number has become imprinted.] "Seventeen eighty-five. What if the first four numbers are a locker number? Thanks Holger!" [He runs off.]
Holger: "Huh?"


[Lee is trying to track down locker #1287. Currently he is tracing his way down a row of lockers.]
Lee: "Twelve seventy-eight, twelve seventy-nine–"
[Lee stops. The chain of lockers is broken by the appearance of a new hallway. This hallway is barely lit.]
Lee: "Aw, man. The forbidden hall. Common sense says I should stay out, but..." [He enters the hallway.] "Twelve eighty-two, twelve eighty-three, twelve eighty-four..." [He finds locker #1287. It is pristine among a bunch of dented, broken lockers.] "Maybe the other numbers are the lock combo!" [testing the combination] "Twenty-four...weird, this is like the only locker around that hasn't been destroyed."
[As soon as the words leave Lee's mouth, a fist plows into the locker, denting it. The fist belongs to a tall, muscular man. He is flanked by two of his friends.]
Chopper: "Well well, Lee Fling looks lost!"
Lee: "It's Lee–" [One of the bullies grabs him by the chest and flings him into a bank of lockers.]
Stinky: [laughing] "Fling, like he said!"
Chopper: [getting in Lee's face] "This is our hallway!"
Lee: "Right, so I'll just be–" [Emmett punches a locker next to Lee.]
Chopper: "Anyone who cuts through our hallway, gets a date with us on the football field, after school!"
Lee: "Heh. Guys, I already have a girlfriend."
[Emmett chuckles.]
Chopper: "Shut it!" [to Lee] "'Kay, Mister Funny Guy! We'll show you what's funny!"
Stinky: [laughing] "This clown hat!" [He puts the hat on Lee.]
Chopper: "And what's gonna happen to you at three-fifteen! Football field, be there! Find us, or we'll find you."
[Lee takes off just as Emmett's fist crashes into the locker right where Lee's head was. Lee stops outside the hall after ducking behind some lockers to hide.]
Lee: "Oh well." [taking off the clown hat] "Too bad I have detention and can't make the date."


[Lee walks out of a class to find students running pell-mell through the hall.]
Panicked Female Student: "Outta my way!"
Panicked Male Student: "Go, go!"
[A yellow water balloon speeds through the air and splatters on Lee's shirt.]
Fifteenth Graders: "Here you we!"
[The fifteenth graders are shelling the hall with a water-balloon barrage.]
Toni: "AAAAH!"
Camillio: [holding a binder over his head] "Bro! You went down the machine shop wing? Nobody uses that hallway. Ever! You mess with their turf man, they mess with the school!"
[A water balloon smacks Cam in the face. Chaz, wearing a flak jacket and military helmet, sneaks over to Lee.]
Chaz: "Lee Ping? The Chaz. Word in the hallway is you're soiréeing with the fifteenth graders after school. Question, um, death wish much?" [Tina runs up and bumps him aside.]
Tina: "Outta the way, Chaz. Lee, seriously, off the record, what are you thinking? The fifteenth graders?"
Chaz: [getting up and running away] "Aah! Aaaaaah!" [He gets behind the news desk to do a broadcast.]
Lee: "Wow that guy's fast."
Chaz: "Uh, this just in. Football field, three-fifteen. It's been years since someone was deluded enough to mess with the fifteenth graders. But that didn't stop prankster Ping. I'll be broadcasting live, so be sure to tune in for 'Ping Gets Dinged.'" [He laughs.] "Like that? I just made it up right now."
[Tina gasps.]
Lee: "Don't worry. I have detention after school. I'm immune. Watch this."
[Lee struts down the hall towards the laughing fifteenth graders. They stop laughing when they see him.]
Lee: "C'mon, guys, put the water balloons away. What're you, like five?"
[The hallway gasps.]
Lee: "This is between me and you guys. So why don't you be cool for a change and leave everyone else out of it."
Chopper: [angry] "Nail 'im!"
[Each fifteenth grader grabs a balloon and hurls. Lee ducks, and all three balloons miss. One of them sails over Biffy's shoulder, one is caught in Biffy's hands, and one of them slams into a passing nerd. The vice principal walks up and spots the balloon in Biffy's hands.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Biffy T. Goldstein. Honestly! Double detention." [walking over to Lee] "And Lee Ping. You'll be pleased to know that you don't have any detention today at all."
[Lee gasps in fear.]
Lee: "Um, why not?"
Vice Principal Victoria: "Charter of Student Rights. There's a clause stating that year-long detentionaires get one amnesty day off. And today is that day." [The principal walks up.]
Principal General Barrage: [incensed] "A free pass? For him? No way."
Vice Principal Victoria: "It says so right here." [She pulls out a huge scroll of paper. Barrage reads it and frowns.]
Principal General Barrage: [threateningly] "This isn't over, Ping."
[The administrators of the school walk away. Chopper walks up to his victim.]
Chopper: "Looks like your little escape plan didn't quite work out!" [He laughs.] "See you at three-fifteen, 'Lee Fling!'" [He and his cronies leave.]
Biffy: [walking up to Lee] "Man! I don't even mess with those guys. You sure you know what you're doing?"
[Lee gulps.]


[A huge glob of yellowish glop is dumped onto Lee's plate in the lunchroom.]
Lee: "My only free day, and of course it's–" [He glances at the glop.] "What is this?"
Ruthie: "Eat it."
[Lee backs away from the threatening lunch lady.]
Brandy: "Lee! Your sacrifice makes me want to cry." [She hugs him.] "This fight of yours after school? If you win, I'll be the winner's girlfriend, if you lose, I'll be the widow!" [happy] "Pity popular!"
[Brandy leaves. Chaz comes on a television, making a broadcast.]
Chaz: "A. Nigma, don't forget, when class is done, tune in for the fun! When I give you live, streaming video of today's after-school special, 'Ping Gets Dinged!'"
[The crowd cheers. Lee, unmoved, sits down at a table with his friends.]
Camillio: "Man, the school is going totally loco over this!"
Lee: "I need to be in detention today. Oh, the not-so-delicious irony."
Holger: "So, make with new prank to get the new detention."
Lee: "Yeah. Great idea, Holger! Time to mash this party up!"
[Lee slings some of his lunch across the lunchroom. It hits Giuseppe's hair and sticks there.]
Camillio: "Food fight!"
[Cam starts slinging food around and manages to cover the faces of Druscilla and Steve in glop. The cheerleaders get into the act and plaster the skaters. Soon, the entire lunchroom is covering each other, except for the lunch lady, Giuseppe, and a random nerd, all of whom get plastered, and Holger, who calmly continues to eat.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Stop that this very instant."
[Four cleaners rush in with large vacuuming hoses. Giuseppe wipes the glop away from his face.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with your food, Giuseppe Stern?"
Giuseppe: "But it–totally wasn't me."
Vice Principal Victoria: "And lying too!"
Lee: [bounding up] "He's telling the truth. It was me."
Vice Principal Victoria: "Isn't that sweet. Covering for your friend."
Lee: "What?"
Vice Principal Victoria: [grabbing Giuseppe] "Maybe detention will give you time to realize why we don't start food fights."
[The vice principal hauls the emo away. Lee walks back to his friends.]
Lee: "So now getting detention is hard?"
Camillio: "No one said life was easy, bro. You just gotta try harder at being bad!"
[Lee smiles sinisterly as he gets an idea. Shortly thereafter, he is copying out pictures of his face as Holger sings spy music in his ear.]
Holger: [singing] "Dun do dun dun dun, dit dit do dun dun, duh duh dun, duh duh duh dun dun, Lee Ping he is spying!" [Lee runs down the halls and ducks into a janitor's closet.] "Do do do, Holger backs him up with music and dum dum dum dum, Lee Ping, dum dum dum dum." [Lee grabs a ring of keys off of the janitor's desk and uses them to unlock a trophy case.] "For the king dit doot do, je de dum dum, dum dum, chi cha chi cha cha." [Lee has placed a bunch of framed pictures of him inside the trophy case. He stands back to admire his handiwork.] "Cha cha cha, ba ba ba ba."
Lee: [calling Holger] "Okay, thanks Holger. We're good."
Holger: [no longer singing] "Okay."


[Principal General Barrage is in his office, closely examining the school charter.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "The Charter of Student Rights, Paragraph nine-hundred and twelve."
Principal General Barrage: "Blah blah blah. Just show me the part where it says Ping gets a snow day!" [Suddenly, his cyborg eye beeps and he notices a disturbance on the security cameras. He stares at the trophy case.] "What, in the name, of Sam Sweet, Sweet Potato Farm, have we got here?" [Lee appears onscreen, waving his arms.] "Vice Principal, you see what happens when Ping isn't detained."
Vice Principal Victoria: "We just gave the boy a free pass. You really think he's trying to get detention?"
[The principal contemplates her words. He then spots Irwin and Ed laughing at Lee.]
Principal General Barrage: "Bingo! Red-handed!"
[The principal presses a button on a remote. Shortly thereafter, Ed and Irwin are carried away by a pair of janitors.]
Lee: "What? Aw, come on."


[Lee is in math class with his friends.]
Lee: "How could Barrage not know that I was the one who did the prank?"
Camillio: "On the plus side, this whole event is making you mucho popular. On the not-so-plus side, uh, the whole 'they're gonna kill you' thing."
Holger: "Too bad Lee's spooky-large manfoes not get detention too."
Lee: "Dude, when you're hot, you're hot!"
[Holger proudly flexes in recognition of his hotness.]
Lee: "Thinking-wise. Not looks-wise."
Holger: [slumping] "Ohhh."
Lee: "If I can't get detention, I'll get the fifteenth graders detention! Yeah!"


[The fifteenth graders are in a shop class. Lee peeks in, accompanied by Holger.]
Holger: [singing] "Bum ba dun duh da dun dun, da dun dun ditty do dun–"
Lee: "Ssh!"
[Holger stops singing. Lee makes hand signals, and Holger responds in kind. Annoyed, Lee snaps his fingers and points, and Holger sneaks into the room. He sneaks over to the window. Lee follows him, spreading birdseed on the floor. Nobody notices them.]
Holger: [out the open window] "Coo!"
[Lee and Holger quickly sneak out. A bunch of birds fly into the classroom.]
Shop Teacher: "Aah! Filthy flying rats!"
[The teacher swings a broom at the birds and hits a propeller motor. The motor turns on and the wheeled table it's mounted on rolls about the room. The fifteenth graders laugh until the motor and table crashes into the car they're working on.]


[The vice principal has gotten some popcorn while Barrage tries to find a loophole.]
Principal General Barrage: "I say we just rip this whole bunch of nonsense up and throw Ping back in detention."
Vice Principal Victoria: "That goes against every rule in the book."
[The principal's monitor begins beeping.]
Principal General Barrage: "Now what?" [seeing the shop class] "Birds in school? Artsy. Only one group could cause that kind of chicanery. The Birdwatcher's Club!"
[The principal presses a button on a remote. Soon, Robin Raven gets hauled in.]
Robin: [being dragged away] "Aah! Aah!"


[Lee and Holger laugh as they watch the chaos in the shop class from behind a closed door.]
Shop Teacher: "BWAAAHHH!"
Lee: [spotting the locker] "Whoa! The locker!" [He pulls on the handle, but it doesn't budge.] "Oh, right, I was gonna try the last part as the locker combination."
Holger: "Holger hum safecracking song." [humming] "Hmm, hmm hmm hm hmm, hmm hmm hmm."
Lee: [entering the combination] "Twenty-four, twelve, nineteen."
Holger: "Safecracking!" [Lee reaches for the handle, but Holger grabs his wrist.] "Wait! Now Holger hum suspense song." [humming] "Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm."
[Lee opens the locker. Inside is a familiar red backpack, a blue skateboard, and a book.]
Lee: "My original bag! The one that got switched before the prank!"
[Lee removes the bag from the locker. Suddenly, the sound of a Tazelwurm's hiss is heard.]
Lee: [looking at it] "Weird. Is it trying to tell me something?"
[The Red Tazelwurm ducks back into the vents. Two cleaners run up, scan the vent cover, and then run off. Suddenly, a door opens, and the fifteenth graders approach, covered in bird droppings.]
Stinky: "Look who's in our hallway! Again!"
Chopper: "Lee Fling, prank master, awww! I'll bet you did this!" [He flings wet poop onto Lee's face.]
Lee: "I'm not afraid of you."
[Chopper snaps his fingers. Emmett rams his fist into a locker without flinching.]
Lee: "Oh yeah. I'm afraid of him." [The trio of bullies step forward.] "Wait. If I'm dead I want my last request. So the prank on day one. Spit it out. Who put you up to switching my bag?"
Chopper: "No one! Puts the fifteenth graders up to anything! We put them up to it!"
Stinky: "Yeah! We!" [He laughs.]
Lee: "Wait. You did, or you didn't?!?"
[Chopper and Stinky cackle.]


Lee: "Seriously, you did the prank? You're Radcircles?"
Chopper: "Yeah. And now, we prank you."
[Chopper snaps his fingers, and Emmett shoves his fist into another locker. Unfortunately for him, his fist gets stuck, and he can't pull it out. Chopper and Stinky come over to help.]
Lee: "Okay, while you work on that, we'll...just..."
[Lee walks away. Holger walks forward to help the bullies pull their friend out of his predicament.]
Lee: [grabbing Holger] "Holger, c'mon!"
Chopper: [watching them leave] "Three-fifteen, Ping."
[Emmett pulls his fist and the door out of the locker. The door stays stuck on his fist.]


[Lee is in class. Holger is giving him a shoulder massage to ready him for the fight.]
Holger: "Maybe Holger tell Barrage that fifteenth graders switch Lee's bag so face not get kafluffashuffle?"
Lee: "He'd never believe you. We'd need proof!"
Holger: "Who is this Proof fellow you speak of?"
Lee: [getting an idea] "Hold on. If I can get Chopper to admit on tape that he did the whole prank, this might all be worth it. Holg, I need your help."
[Holger smiles.]


[By 3:10, a crowd has gathered in the bleachers. Lee takes the field and faces down his opponents.]
Tina: [running onto the field] "Lee! Don't do this! It's crazy!"
Lee: "I don't have a choice, Tina. If I run, they'll just come after me the next day. Or the day after that."
[Lee grins confidently and pats Tina on the shoulder. He then walks towards the fifteenth graders. Tina frowns, scared of what might happen to her friend. Suddenly, Lee gasps. The fifteenth graders have hooked up a row of lockers to blocking sleds. As Lee watches, Emmett works his way down the line, giving each locker a punch. Lee soon calms down, however, and taps his earpiece.]
Lee: "Okay Holger, you hear me?"
Holger: "Ya!"
Lee: "A confession is what we're aiming for, so don't stop recording for any reason."
[Holger is in the bleachers with a field microphone. He gives Lee a thumbs-up.]
Chaz: [broadcasting] "Emmett's massive fists are all warmed up. Which one will he throw first, left or right, I don't know. Will my hairspray last, it is a little breezy. The tension mounts."
[Stepak turns around and takes a panning shot of the crowd. He spots Holger and the equipment.]
Stepak: "Hey! The A.V. Club was supposed to return that to me!" [He runs over.] "Give it back!"
Holger: [wrestling with Stepak over the microphone] "Holger need giant ear."
Stepak: "No."
Holger: "Ggh!"
Stepak: "Gimme it! Gimme it!"
Holger: "No! Go away!"
[Stepak tickles Holger, and Holger relaxes, relinquishing his grip on the microphone. As soon as he does so, Stepak plucks the headphones away from him and walks away.]
Holger: "Aww."
[Lee, having seen the confrontation, sighs.]
Lee: "My phone'll have to do. If it survives this." [He sets the phone to record sound.]
Chopper: "Bet you wish you never walked down our hallway now!"
Lee: "Sorry, could you repeat that?" [He holds the phone up to record their voices.] "So why'd you pull the prank?"
Chopper: "Enough with the questions!"
Lee: "I just wanna know why you did it. And why blame me for it?"
Stinky: "Uh, 'cause it was funny?"
[Stinky takes a swing at Lee. Lee ducks, and Stinky topples over. Chopper dives at Lee, and he leaps out of the way. Emmett is the last one standing, and Lee dodges his blow and stands between two lockers.]
Lee: "Funny? You ruined my life!"
[Emmett slams a fist into a locker, and Lee runs. Emmett hurls two lockers at him, both of which Lee barely stays ahead of. When the lockers end, though, Stinky is waiting.]
Stinky: "Can you just stand still?"
[Stinky moves to grab Lee, but Lee dodges and Stinky ends up falling facefirst into a locker just as Emmett punches it into Stinky's face. Stinky falls down and the crowd cheers. Lee makes a break for it but ends up running into Chopper. Chopper grabs his prey by the shirt front.]
Lee: "Just tell me, which one of you is Radcircles?"
Chopper: "Who? Oh, that. Yeah, we're all Brad Goebbels. Him, me, and him." [Stinky joins them, and the fifteenth graders laugh.]
Lee: "Brad Goebbels?" [angry] "You guys don't have a clue what I'm talking about, do you! You're not Radcircles and you never did the prank!"
[In response, Chopper cocks his fist and sends it flying towards Lee's nose.]
Mrs. Ping: "LEE PING!" [Chopper's fist stops short, and Lee finds himself being hauled away from the fight by his earlobe.] "Just because you don't have detention today doesn't mean you can rough house with your friends." [The crowd laughs.]
Camillio: "Aw, man. A mommy dragaway? Uncoolio! Aw, stick a fork in my rep, man, I am done!"
Chopper: [enraged] "These fists are hitting somebody! If it isn't you, who's it gonna be?"
Holger: [standing up and waving] "Hellooo!"


[Lee's mother throws him into the passenger seat and shuts the door.]
Mrs. Ping: "I forgot my purse. If you are not in this car when I come back, you'll be grounded till...forever." [She absconds but soon returns and hands him the keys.] "Here. You can listen to the radio if you want. But don't change the station!"
[Lee's mom heads for the school. Lee gets a call on his phone. He answers.]
Camillio: "Amigo! Chopper wasn't kidding! He's gonna rearrange everyone's favorite Euro-dude's face!"
Holger: [running from the bullies] "Haaoooh! Haaoooh! I'm too wonderful to die!"
Lee: "Holger! Oh no he isn't." [He hangs up on Camillio and makes another call.]
Biffy: [answering] "Ping. Still alive?"
Irwin: [in the background] "Boo!"
Robin: [in the background] "What a wimp."
Lee: "Who's that with you?"
Biffy: "The new detentionaires have all formed a Down With Lee club."
Lee: "You included?"
Biffy: "Ah, hate's for losers. You, I tolerate."
Lee: "I'm touched. Look, Biffy, my mom's coming back into school. Can you hold her off as long as you can?"
Biffy: "Seeing how it's your last request, sure."
[Lee smiles. He then sees the Red Tazelwurm being chased by two people in hazmat suits.]


[Lee's mom is walking down the halls of A. Nigma High.]
Biffy: [behind her] "Oh, hey, Mrs. Ping! Got a minute?"
Mrs. Ping: "Do you even go to school here?"
Biffy: "Yeah, I'm just hefty. Uh, I uh, I have a question about what you said in class today."
Mrs. Ping: "But you're not in my class."
Biffy: "Ha-hoh! You are so right! But if I was..."


[Holger is being dangled upside down. His blonde locks are trailing on the ground.]
Holger: [terrified] "Whahahahoooh! My hair! It never gets dirty! Noho! Nooohohhho!"
Lee: "Let him go." [Lee is walking towards the bullies with a determined look on his face.] "His luscious locks have nothing to do with this."
[Chopper smiles, and his compatriots drop Holger. Both sides crack their knuckles in anticipation, and they stand twelve yards away from each other, ready to fight. Suddenly, the tension is broken when the pair of hazmats walk by carrying the chained up Red Tazelwurm.]
Chopper: "Now, where were we?"
[Chopper cracks his knuckles, and as one the trio advance on Lee. Lee retreats, his look of anger never fleeing from his face. Meanwhile, Tina is haranguing the crowd.]
Tina: "Fellow students. The fifteenth graders aren't only a threat to Lee Ping, they're a threat to all of us! Who will join me in helping Lee stand up to them once and for all?"
[Nobody in the crowd accepts her offer. Crickets are heard chirping. Lee backs up to where Tina is.]
Lee: "So. How many wedgies, purple nurples, noogies, swirlies, deep pantsings, and hertz doughnuts does it take before you finally graduate? A hundred? A thousand?"
Guy in Newsboy Cap: "Yeah. Chopper gave me a wedgie."
Guy in Blue Baseball Cap: "I got a baker's dozen of hertz doughnuts."
Tina: "We all just have to stand up and demand respect. Together."
Random Guy: [offscreen] "Yeah!"
[A bunch of students stand up and file out of the bleachers. They assemble themselves behind Lee.]
Lee: "You guys are pathetic. Isn't there anything you ever wanted to do with your lives, other than pick on people?"
[Chopper, Stinky, and Emmett share a look.]
Chopper: "Uh, no."
Stinky: "I wanted to go to clown school!" [He happily puts on his clown hat.]
Chopper: "Ah, shaddup, I told you there's no such thing!" [He takes off Stinky's hat, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it.] "We do this! Now! We'll take on all a you all!"
[Suddenly, the crowd is distracted by the Red Tazelwurm, as it knocks its captors away, breaks the handcuffs binding its claws together, and slithers towards the commotion.]
Camillio: "RUN!"
[The crowd deserts the football field. The fifteenth graders advance on the now alone Lee.]
Chopper: "Ah-haw-haw, too bad, looks like your friends are wimps too! Not like us. Nothing scares us."
Stinky: [tapping Chopper on the shoulder] "Uh, Chopper?" [Chopper ignores him.] "Uh Chopper, seriously Chopper?!?"
Chopper: "What?!?"
[The Red Tazelwurm is heading for the group at high speed.]
Chopper: [frightened] "Mommy! Ah-ha-ha!"
[The bullies take off away from the angry creature. The Red Tazelwurm pauses, turns its head, and smiles at Lee. Lee returns the smile, and the Red Tazelwurm continues its chase.]
Tina: [walking up to Lee] "Well. That worked out for you."
Lee: "Ha. I'll say." [Two janitors run by in the background.]
Tina: "I can't believe your mom dragged you off like that."
Lee: "Yeah, she can be kinda–" [realizing] "My mom! The car! I gotta split."
[Tina frowns as Lee takes off. He bolts towards the parking lot and manages to slip into the passenger seat just before his mom gets into the driver's seat. Mrs. Ping looks over and sees Lee panting.]
Mrs. Ping: "If it was hot in here, you could have cracked a window."


[The principal and vice principal have come to an agreement with regards to the charter.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Well, General Principal Barrage, you've convinced me. The bylaw is a little vague."
Principal General Barrage: "I knew you'd see the light, vice principal."
Vice Principal Victoria: "Shame that it took so long to determine that. Looks like Mister Ping got a day off for nothing."
[Vice Principal Victoria exits the office as the principal looks over to the clock on the wall, which reads 4:16.]
Principal General Barrage: [angry] "You win this round, Ping."


[Lee is immersed in a video chat with Cam and Holger.]
Camillio: "You went up against the toughest hombre ever man, and you survived! Cool!"
Holger: "And, Lee gets backpack of mystery."
Mrs. Ping: [turning off the lights] "Lights out!"
Lee: "Later dudes." [He turns off the computer.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: So I got my bag back. But who left it for me? The Tazelwurm? And why now? Why does everything have to be so confusing?
Lee: "Just once, I'd like to go to bed, knowing...something."
[A closeup on the inside of the backpack reveals that something has been sewn into the lining.]
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