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Script


Lee: "I'm the guy that got detention for a whole year for the biggest prank in high school history. Only catch? I didn't do it! So now I break rules to prove I didn't break any rules. I've also skated with skaters, danced with the mathletes, even rocked out with the Dudes of Darkness." [Pictures of Lee doing all this are shown.] "And now I have two clues. A song that brainwashes people, and an email address that could be from the missing principal or the prank mastermind. Just another normal day in the life of your typical tenth grader."
Detentionaire

4:12:18 PM
Lee: "At 4:15, detention gets out. Problem is, I'm not in detention. I'm stuck on the other side of school in the last place someone trying to hide should ever be!"
[At the moment, Lee is onstage, acting.]
Lee: [hammily] "I'm sorry, Carmen, the, um–" [whispering] "Ah, what's the line? Oh yeah!" [hammily] "The war! It needs me."
Brandy: "Don't 'Carmen' me, Mister Lying Selfish Jerk! All you do, is lie, lie, lie!"
[Brandy pushes Lee to accentuate her words, and this push sends his disguise flying. It lands in the principal's lap. Someone in a Red Tazelwurm costume runs over and leaps on Lee.]
Biffy: [sticking his head in from offstage] "Your cover's blown! Cross!"
Earlier...
[Tina and Chaz are doing the school news. Chaz refreshes his hairstyle with a burst of hairspray.]
Tina: "Good morning, A. Nigma High students! I'm Tina Kwee!" [She tries to waft Chaz's hairspray away.]
Chaz: "And I'm Chaz Monerainian. You probably heard the buzz that this Friday is the annual Founder's Day play."
Tina: "Where we celebrate our first principal, the great patriot Alexander Nigma."
Lee: [in class] "Dude's got a serious beard."
Tina: "Play tryouts are at lunch, so come one, come all."
Chaz: [using hairspray again] "Yeah, rumor has it our very own Tina Kwee 'wrote' this year's play." [laughing] "I didn't believe it either. I mean, she can barely read the news, poor gal. But the real news story is I, me, yours truly, the Chaz, will be taking the title role again, thanks. And I just had a facial, so get ready, people!"
[In class, Lee's phone buzzes. He picks it up and realizes he's gotten an email.]
Lee: [checking the address] "Radcircles@anigmahigh? No way!" [to Holger] "The guy who set me up for the prank!" [He opens the email and reads it.] "Knock knock. What?"
Tina: [condescendingly] "If you want to play Alexander Nigma, you have to audition like everyone else."
Chaz: "That's funny, but I've got an in with the writer. Hello, we work together. How about a little professional courtesy?" [Tina slaps him.] "Ow!"
Holger: [entertained] "Oh, Chaz. You never learn!" [He giggles.] "This show is so good."
Lee: [sending a response] "Who are you and why did you set me up?"
Holger: [trying to toss cheese puffs into his mouth] "Ooh-wee!" [He topples over backwards.]

[Cam is rapping in the halls while Holger beatboxes for him.]
Camillio: "The name's A. Nigma and I'm here to say, I'm especially cool on Founder's Day. With a big tall hat and a styling beard, I'm from another century, ese! That's like, totally weird!"
Holger: [happy] "Again. Again!"
Tina: [on the intercom] "Would the following students report to Room 113b." [annoyed] "Chaz Monerainian–" [normally] "–and Wayne Duncan."
Camillio: "Dude I'm totally gonna get the lead."
Lee: [walking up] "You guys are trying out for the play?" [to Cam] "I thought you said plays were lame."
Camillio: "Bro-oh, plays might be lame to the o, but everyone knows, actors get all of the chiquitas!"
Holger: [hi-fiving Cam] "La-dies!"
Camillio: "Yo!" [to Lee] "Dude, you should try out too."
Lee: "Me onstage? Again? Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. Plus, one small detail, detention." [pulling out his phone] "Which reminds me, I got this email from Radc–"
Camillio: [stopping him] "Does this have anything to do with some long, convoluted prank mystery slash conspiracy blah blah blah thingy?"
Lee: "Yeah, but–"
Camillio: [walking away] "Sorry, we gotta bust, auditions yo."
[Lee's phone buzzes.]
Lee: "He wrote back!" [reading] "You were supposed to say 'who's there.' Now you'll never know." [frustrated] "Awwh! A knock-knock joke? What are you, five?" [typing furiously] "Who are you?"


[At 12:08 PM, a bunch of prospective actors have gathered in the auditorium. Hazmat-suited cleaners are working to set everything up for the auditions. The vice principal walks up to Tina with Lynch in tow.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Let's get these auditions going."
Tina: "But Mrs. Lob isn't here yet."
Vice Principal Victoria: "Haven't you heard? Mrs. Lob has called in ill. So, I'll be directing my very first play! How exciting for me! Now, who's first?"
Camillio: "I'll go!" [faking a laugh] "You know, since I'm here and stuff. Camillio auditioning for the part of–"
Vice Principal Victoria: "You're perfect!"
Camillio: [surprised] "But I didn't even do anything, bro."
Vice Principal Victoria: [whispering to Lynch] "With those smallish legs he's the only one who could possibly fit into the costume." [Lynch nods and writes this down.] "Congratulations! You're our Tazelwurm!"
[The Red Tazelwurm, hiding in the rafters, hisses angrily. Lynch plops the head of the costume over Cam.]
Camillio: "But the chiquitas can't see my face? That's not fair to them, dude! Plus, all I say is hiss, hiss, and like, hiss."
Vice Principal Victoria: "And what a great little hisser you are. Oh everything is going splendidly!"


[In the detention room, the teacher is sleeping in an odd position. Lee bounces a ball off the wall above Niles.]
Lee: [muttering] "The ball's in your court, Mister Circles. Or should I call him Professor Rad? Ooh, Dr. Sphere is kinda cool. Whoever you are, you definitely deserve your very own special email ringtone." [Lee programs it in. A new email comes in almost immediately.] "Ha! Only perfect!" [reading] "Why don't we meet how about play tryouts? Oh right you have detention my bad!" [Lee soon starts smiling.] "Yeah, too bad that I have a way out and know exactly where you are!"
[Lee places a phone call. Biffy picks up on the other end, interrupting his sewing to do so.]
Lee: "Biffy, I need to know where Barrage is."
Biffy: [annoyed] "Yeah, kinda busy right now? Whadda you think, I'm on twenty-four seven Barrage duty?" [He hears the sounds of the principal's mechanical joints.] "But...you're in luck." [He is staring out a window at Barrage, who is leaving the school in his jeep.] "He's exiting the parking lot in three, two, now. Looks like you're free! Gotta go, the life of the theater calls." [realizing] "Uhhh, I mean I gotta go beat someone up bye." [He resumes his sewing.]


[In the auditorium, Chaz is auditioning.]
Chaz: [stilted] "Is it not nobler, to have recess, than to make kids study, all day." [normally] "I only ask 'cause I know this dame who wants to meet me by the swings."
[Tina, Lynch, and the vice principal all stare at Chaz, shocked by his horrid performance. Lee pokes his head in through the auditorium doors.]
Chaz: "Tell the world!"
Lee's Inner Monologue: So Radcircles is obviously not the missing principal, it's someone here. [scanning the faces of prospective actors] But...who?
Chaz: [still auditioning] "...than it was a hundred years ago, thanks internet!"
Lee: [sneaking behind a prop bush and typing on his phone] "Which part are you going for? The lead?" [He smiles.] "Now let's see who picks up first."
[Lee scans the audience. Several people are busy on their phones due to the boredom of watching others audition, including Stepak, Giuseppe, Brandy, and Brad.]
Lee: "Aw, man! Strike one!"
Chaz: [still auditioning] "Ask not what your school can do for you! But what you can do for your school!"
[Chaz falls to his knees to emphasize his "passion." The judges are are astonished at this display of bad acting.]
Vice Principal Victoria: [looking around awkwardly] "O-kay then. Thanks! Uh, next?"
[Brandy stands up and approaches the stage. Lee hears the sound of cleaners. He ducks down, and the hazmat sets down a box full of period clothing by Lee's bush. Lee spots it and smiles.]
Brandy: [auditioning] "Look, Vinnie–"
Tina: "Huh?"
Brandy: "Yeah, um, I thought that Alexander was kinda blah, so–"
Tina: "That's his name."
Vice Principal Victoria: "Ssh. She's got the floor. Let's see where she goes with it."
[Tina groans.]
Brandy: [emotional] "Look Vinnie. You may have showed them who's boss with your whole blah blah blah school thingamajig–"
[Lee, now disguised, opens his phone and drags an attachment into an email he plans to send to Radcircles.]
Lee: [sending the message] "There. The prank song. Open it up, and let's hear where you are."
Brandy: "–they'll come gunning for ya, and I might just be your only hope."
[The prank song begins to play from somebody's phone. Unfortunately for Lee, at this point Brandy finishes her monologue, and the room explodes into cheers, making it impossible to discern the source of the song.]
Vice Principal Victoria: [applauding] "Brandy, or should I say Anastasia Nigma! Congratulations, dear."
Tina: [upset] "Her?"
Brandy: "Yeah. About that name? I was thinking something more...exotic. Like...Carmen! Brisante!"
Tina: "But everyone knows Alexander, not Vinnie, married Anastasia, not Carmen!"
Brandy: "Yeah. That was so, last year's play?" [as Carmen] "This time Carmen's not gonna take a back seat to anyone, see! Especially not to a measly little man, see!"
[Tina groans and sits down. Lee gets a response to his email.]
Lee: [reading] "That wasn't very nice. You almost ruined our little game. Oh, and watch out for Barrage." [surprised] "What?"
[The gym door creaks open and Barrage enters the gym.]
Principal General Barrage: "Howdy-do."
[Lee pulls his hat lower to hide his face. The principal walks right past him, and Lee sneaks towards the door. Principal General Barrage sits down at the judges table.]
Holger: [walking onstage] "Hello! Holger audition for zhe part of: Holger!" [dancing] "Ooh. Ee-yah. Ah-ah ee-oo. Yah hoo ha hoo hoo he-ah!" [He does the splits.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "I think we just found our choreographer. Don't you agree, Principal Barrage?"
Principal General Barrage: [shellshocked] "I–I don't know what we just found, but I never wanna see that again!" [focused] "Who's playing A. Nigma? And where are the special e-ffects?!? Go big, or go home! You!" [Lee, who was walking towards the doors, stops dead and turns around.] "Y'gonna stand around all day like a meerkat at the rodeo? Or are you gonna show us what Mister Fancybeard has got?" [Lynch hands Lee a script, and he takes it.] "Impress me, El Beardo." [Lee walks towards the stage.] "As if your life depends on it. 'Cause, in a way, it does."
Lee: [onstage] "Um, uh, okay. Heh." [reading] "You can, throw me in–" [He clears his throat.] "In the stock! Ade, but vegetables will be mine? Uh, sorry, heh." [Chaz creeps onstage.] "I mean, vengeance, vengance! Mine! And all that."
Principal General Barrage: "There's just something about him. He's got that 'I don't wanna be here' haunting quality! You got the part, El Beardo! Go and do A. Nigma proud!"
Chaz: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I'VE BEEN ROBBED!"
[Chaz collapses onstage. A hook reaches out from the wings and drags him away by his legs.]
Vice Principal Victoria: [offended] "Excuse me? Don't I get a say?"
Principal General Barrage: "Stand down VP. You may be the di-rector, but principal always picks who plays principal."
[Lee walks backstage. He receives another email.]
Lee: [reading] "Ha ha. Now you're stuck in the lead role and now I can tell Barrage where you are anytime I want?!?" [smacking his forehead] "Urrrgh! This is a nightmare!"


[At 3:16, Lee is in detention, composing another letter.]
Lee: "So, Rad C, how'd you like to make it a fair fight and tell me what part you got?"
[The door swings open loudly. Barrage enters the room as Lee hides his phone.]
Principal General Barrage: "Mister Ping. While you waste your after-school time there's a Founder's Day play being put on up there by proud students like that Brandy girl! And that–freakishly small friend of yours! Why, even El Beardo! I'll be back at sixteen-fifteen, and that seat better be warm!"
[The principal leaves. As soon as he's gone, Lee sighs.]


Brandy: [as Carmen] "Don't worry, Vinnie. Carmen Brisante is here ta–" [She stops.] "Hey! Where's Nigma?"
Lynch: [sour] "He's officially late."
Tina: "Maybe we could rehearse another scene?" [to herself] "Y'know, one without you?"
Brandy: "Uch. Nah, nah let's just keep rolling, I am totally in the zone! Besides, we don't even need him."
Tina: [annoyed] "Of course we need him! He's the main character, the play is called 'The Story of Alexander Nigma'!"
Vice Principal Victoria: [placing a hand on Tina's shoulder] "Girls! Take five. We'll try another scene. Dance squad!"
[Three cheerleaders take the stage. They are accompanied by Rud and a despondent Chaz. Behind them walks Holger, dressed in a purple dance suit.]
Holger: "Aheh-heh-hem. I am here to fill your feet with gladness! Open your toes to glory. They, not you, are the chosen tootsies." [His dancers look at him skeptically.]
Chaz: "This is an outrage. Am I the only person who sees it? I was the lead last year, and now I am a lowly background dancer."
Holger: [authoritatively] "Quiet." [He taps the stage with his cane.] "You, ze one with ze foo-foo hair. Eyes in front. I go super slow, for watchy times." [counting off] "A der, a flug, a der flug boots voh."
[Holger performs some extremely acrobatic dance moves. The panel of directors gapes–including the principal, who has just walked in. Holger then taps the stage with his cane, and the dancers begin.]
Toni: [being slapped accidentally by Chaz] "Aah!" [She slaps him back.]
Chaz: "Oww!"
Rud: [falling off the stage] "Aah-oo!"
[The dancers stop.]
Principal General Barrage: "Ah, who cares about all this sissy butterfly prancing? What people want is explosions! Fire! Special e-ffects!"
Vice Principal Victoria: "What a wonderful idea. I don't know anyone who could do such marvelous things. You?"
Principal General Barrage: "How about..." [He turns and points at three cleaners.] "You. You. And you." [A cleaner points at itself.] "No, not you. You!" [The cleaner beside the questioning cleaner makes a noise.] "Come with me. You've been reassigned to pyrotechnics duty!" [The cleaners salute.] "Move it!"


[Cam is wandering around backstage, carrying the head of his costume.]
Camillio: "Hello? Anyone here? I was told the seamstress could like, fix this for me."
[A large shadow covers Cam.]
Biffy: "I'm the seamstress." [Cam laughs, so Biffy gets in Cam's face.] "Problem with that?"
Camillio: [ducking into his costume] "No way, mucho respect, bro. Hey can you, cut out the face? So people can like see...my face?"
Biffy: [sketching] "You mean something like this?" [He holds up a drawing of the head with a larger face hole.]
Camillio: "Yeah but, more face."
Principal General Barrage: [in the viewing area] "This is a play about A. Nigma! Our proud founding father!" [Cam looks out and sees the principal talking to three janitors.] "Now I said, more TNT!"
[An explosion occurs, and several pieces of debris fly into the costume's head, exactly where Cam's face would be if the face hole wasn't so small.]
Camillio: "Yeah, maybe I'll keep it as is."


[Lee has made it to the stage. Brandy zips up to him, dressed in her costume.]
Brandy: "Okay, Vinnie. Tell me, see. What went rotten with the whole school deal?"
Lee: [looking at his script] "Y'know, I'm pretty sure I don't see anything like that in the script."
Principal General Barrage: [to his second-in-command] "Vice Principal, run a check for me and find out how high open flames are allowed to be in this room." [pointing at Brandy] "And who is she supposed to be? Tell her to show some respect and stick to the script!"
[Onstage, Brandy socks Lee in the stomach.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "To answer your question, Principal Barrage, no open flames are allowed, and that is someone who isn't going to let a measly man get in her way!"
Brandy: "I know you had the school setup, see? But ya needed cash. And that's where the boys from the company came in, see? And–" [recognizing her co-star] "I–is that you?!?"
Lee: [trying to hide behind his script] "Wha-ah-who-ah-me? Heh. Heh heh."
Tina: [recognizing Alexander Nigma] "Wait a sec. Isn't that..."
Brandy: "Nuh–you!"
Lee: "Yes." [He clears his throat and begins speaking in a deep voice.] "Yes, it's me, Alexander Nigma, and uh, yeah, the school deal thingy is, uh–"
Brandy: "Come on, it's you, Lee–" [Lee kisses her to shut her up. Tina, Barrage, and Victoria are all shocked.]
Principal General Barrage: [regaining his composure first] "That's no measly man. A. Nigma'd be proud." [Tina scowls.] "And that's the kind of chemistry that demands fireworks! Of the explosive kind!" [to his pyrotechnics staff] "Boys, change of plans. We're going with the big one!"


[Lee walks into the dressing rooms. Brandy is busy primping.]
Brandy: [upset] "So, you never have time to hang out with me! Your girlfriend! But you can sneak out to be in the school play?"
Lee: "I don't even wanna be doing this! I got cast by accident!"
Brandy: "Well, don't worry, the play's now about the adventures of Carmen Brisante. A. Nigma's totally awesome bodyguard. You'll have like, maybe, two lines. Tops."
Tina: [irate] "This ends now!" [Tina is standing in the doorway to the dressing room.] "A. Nigma never had a bodyguard! He had a wife, named Anastasia, who helped him found this school. Stick to the script!" [looking at Lee] "And hello, I know it's you! Aren't you supposed to be in detention?"
Lee: "Man, this disguise sucks."
Brandy: "Uch, whatever." [grabbing the script] "Let's change this whole part to a shootout slash dance sequence where I outboogie the bad guys, and let's make them ninjas."
Tina: [frustrated] "Outboogie? Dance guys? Ninjas? Barrage and Victoria won't allow all these changes. This school's history has integrity!"
Brandy: [sweetly] "You and I both know, that Barrage will let me do whatever I want, as long as I create more opportunities for fire, explosions, and special e-ffects. And Victoria just likes sticking it to the man."
[Lee gets a message.]
Lee: [reading] "Lose track of the time?" [It's 4:12 PM.] "Aw man!"
Tina: "Look, this is the wedding scene, not some crazy kung-fu boogie dance fight!"
Brandy: "First off? You need mouthwash. And second off, let's ask Lee what he thinks."
[By this time, Lee has already left.]
Brandy: [looking around] "Lee? Lee!"


[Lee slides into a seat in detention right before the door opens. Barrage sees him, salutes, and lets him go.]


12:05 PM – next day
Barrage: "Enjoy today's lunch, seat-warmer!" [Lee is back in detention.] "I got a date with some hot explosives!"
[Barrage leaves. Lee gets a phone call and answers it.]
Camillio: "'Ey man! You're missing rehearsals!"
Lee: "I can't go. Radcircles is on to me, he keeps threatening to tell Barrage."
Camillio: "But dude!" [Lee's phone beeps.]
Lee: "Hold on." [He answers the incoming call.]
Biffy: "Uh, you better get your butt down here, I didn't sew a million ninja outfits just so you could not show up."
Lee: "But Radcircles knows I'm–" [His phone beeps again, and he answers it.] "Hello?"
Brandy: "Listen Ping, I don't wanna play the whole Barrage card again, so you had better–"
[Another call comes in for Lee. He answers.]
Tina: "First, your girlfriend trashes my play, now you won't even show up!"
[Lee receives yet another call.]
Holger: "Where is Lee? Help me find my clogs, ja?"
Lee: "Okay, okay, I'm coming!" [He leaves detention.]

[Lee is backstage where work is going on when he's drawn into a confrontation with another actor.]
Chaz: "Okay, no more Mister Nice Guy! Seriously, time for you to get off the stage and let me take back what is rightfully mine! I was born to do this!" [Biffy walks up behind him, grinning evilly. Chaz notices.] "Aah!" [He scrams.]
Lee: "Thanks. You think Chaz could be Radcircles? And he's playing with me 'cause I took his part?"
Biffy: "He does seem to hate you." [getting an idea] "Send whoever it is a sound file, smoke him out."
Lee: "Tried, failed. He'll never fall for it again."
Biffy: [pulling out his phone] "But they might fall for this. Check it out."
[Suddenly, Lee's phone starts beeping loudly. Lee hides it in his coat to try and muffle the noise.]
Biffy: "It's a virus. You just send it to Radcircles and presto."
Lee: "Cool. I'll send it right now!"
Biffy: [stopping him] "Don't be a doofus and waste it! What if they're not even here at the moment? You only have one chance, so wait until you're onstage. That way, you can see everyone!"
[Lee bumps fists with Biffy. He gets an email from Radcircles.]
Lee: [reading] "You thought I was Chaz, now I'm insulted." [looking around] "Wha–how'd he know about Chaz?" [Biffy shrugs. Lee gets another Radcircles email.] "Oh and you might wanna check the time."
[Lee's head swivels around to spot Barrage heading for the exit so that he can let Lee out of detention.]
Lee: [worried] "Barrage is gonna beat me! I'm toast!"


[Lee is unsure what to do to escape.]
Biffy: "Hit the vents. Way faster."
[Lee doesn't need to be told twice, as he runs up a ladder into the rafters.]
Camillio: [looking at his script] "Aw man, it's 'hiss, grr hiss.' Aww." [His phone rings, and he answers.] "Go."
Lee: "Barrage is at the door. I need you to run interference. Now!"
[Lee heaves himself up into the vents. Before the principal can exit the auditorium, he finds Cam in his way.]
Camillio: [blocking the exit] "Principal General Barrage."
Principal General Barrage: "What is it son? I'm in a hurry."
Camillio: "I was just wondering, when I eat that fly in the scene, is it like more believable if I do it this way?" [hunched over] "Hang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ung!" [normally] "Or like this?" [chomping at the air] "Homp. Homp. Homp."
[The principal, who doesn't particularly care, checks his watch.]


[Lee drops down into the detention room. He tosses his disguise off to the side. The door opens.]
Principal General Barrage: "De-smissed!"
[Lee fakes a smile. As soon as the door shuts, though, he sighs and slumps onto his desk, exhausted. Naturally, it's at this moment that his tormentor chooses to pick at his mental state with another email.]
Lee: [reading] "So, the big day, you probably have something up your sleeve, well go ahead and bring it." [tired] "Okay, Radcircles. Time to find out who you are."


3:23 PM – Showtime
[A spotlight shines down on Carmen Brisante. She lifts her head.]
Carmen: "Back in the days, before school was cool, there was a guy. You might know 'im. You might not. But this ain't about no Nigma. This town's Carmen Brisante's game. And this tale's all about how she sighed."
[Backstage, Biffy jams the head of Cam's costume on.]
Camillio: "Owie!"
Biffy: [grumpy] "Keep still." [to Lee] "Wait for the last scene. The sunrise effect in the finale. Then send the virus."
Lee: "Got it. Don't forget to watch backstage."
Lynch: [backstage] "Dancers! You're on!"
[Ed McFeeney plays the chords for the first big musical number, and the dancers come out, dancing and singing.]
Cheerleaders, Rud, and Chaz: "School was built in Nigma's name, to help the children feed their brains. A place for every boy and girl, the future leaders of the world..."
Carmen: [descending on a crescent moon] "Then Carmen Brisante flew into town, turned his world, upside down, and that's how it all went down. That's how it all went down-nuh."

[It's a scene later in the show, featuring Vinnie and the Tazelwurm.]
Tazelwurm: [darting up to A. Nigma] "Hisssss."
Vinnie: "I've never seen anything like it!"
Tazelwurm: [walking around] "Hisssuh."
Vinnie: "Will it hurt me?"
Carmen: [walking onstage] "Don't worry, Vinnie. Carmen Brisante's got your back." [grabbing him] "You go do some more school stuff." [She throws him offstage.] "Carmen's gonna tame this beast so that one day it can be the school mascot, see?"
[Onstage, Brandy punches and kicks at Camillio. Backstage, Lynch is busy.]
Lynch: "Okay dancers, scene thirteen! Everyone in ninja costumes, hi-yah!"
[Lee receives an email from Radcircles.]
Lee: [reading] "Your acting is so weak." [unimpressed] "Great, an evil mastermind and a critic."
Tina: [disturbed] "People are liking this. I hate to say it, but although I can't stand her, she's actually kinda good." [to Lee] "Never. Repeat that. Ever."
[Brandy rushes over to them.]
Brandy: [to Lee] "What are you doing talking to her? We're about to get married, c'mon!"
[Brandy grabs Lee's arm and pulls him away.]


[Carmen and Vinnie are getting married.]
Carmen: "Okay Vinnie. Don't look now, but everyone here wants to assassinate us." [Onstage are five ninjas and a piano player.] "So get ready to kick. Some. Butt. Hi-yah!"
Chaz: [getting punched] "Ow!"
Lynch: "Okay, cue the sunrise."
[Carmen continues fighting, dispatching a cheerleader and then kicking Chaz again.]
Chaz: "Ahh! Pain!"
[Biffy signals Lee to send the message. Lee does so as the effect burns brightly. Irwin's pocket starts beeping.]
Lee: "Irwin, I knew it!" [The noise comes from elsewhere.] "Ed too?" [Everyone in the audience now has a beeping phone.] "Ugh, how'd it spread so fast?"
Brandy: [confronting Lee] "Did you. Just. Do that? In the middle of my. Big. Scene?" [angry] "Is this another prank?"
[Lee notices that the eyes of the principal, vice principal, and Tina are on him.]
Vinnie: "I'm sorry Carmen, the, um, er–" [whispering] "What's the line? Oh yeah!" [loudly] "The war! It needs me!"
Brandy: "Don't Carmen me, Mister Lying Selfish Jerk! All you do, is lie, lie, lie!"
[Brandy shoves Lee, and his disguise goes flying, landing in the lap of Principal General Barrage. Lee gasps, as he's been exposed, and the principal stands up angrily. Trying to salvage the situation, Cam runs onstage.]
Camillio: "Aah!" [He leaps on top of Lee, obscuring him from view.]
Biffy: [peeking out from the wings] "Your cover's blown! Run!"
[Biffy grabs Lee, hauls him out from under Cam, and pushes him away offstage. He then exits from the wings and enters the stage, wearing Lee's fake beard.]
Biffy: [as Vinnie] "I'll be back in two shakes of a Tazelwurm's tail. Now kiss this soldier farewell."
[Biffy grabs Brandy and pulls her into a kiss. Fireworks go off in the auditorium as the audience applauds.]
Principal General Barrage: [clapping] "What a transformation! The makeup in this play is almost as good as the special e-ffects!"
Vice Principal Victoria: [after the curtains shut] "Listen to that crowd." [to Tina] "You're a genius!"
Tina: "But–I wrote a historically accurate play, and–that wasn't."
Vice Principal Victoria: "But we entertained everyone! Doesn't that count for something?"
Principal General Barrage: "Surrounded by chaos, A. Nigma always moved forward. He may have made a few too many return trips to the buffet table, but he always stayed the course!" [remembering] "Oh yeah. My little seat-warming detentionaire!"
[The principal happily ambles off to let Lee out of detention.]


[Lee slides into his seat with moments to spare. Unfortunately, he's still wearing his hat from the play.]
Principal General Barrage: "You missed the greatest moment in the school's history since the day it was founded! And it was all thanks to my special e-ffects! Boom, boom BOOM! DE-smissed." [The principal walks to the door and then turns around.] "Oh, nice hat."
[Lee removes his hat and breathes a sigh of relief.]


[That night, Lee is in a chat with his friends.]
Holger: "Holger wish every time could be musical dance time." [He begins dancing.] "Do be do, do be do doot do!"
Camillio: [still wearing the Tazelwurm costume] "Man, everywhere I go, the ladies love this costume, bro!"
[Lee laughs.]
Mrs. Ping: [outside] "Lights out!" [She turns off his lights.]
Lee: "Guys, I gotta go. See you tomorrow."
[Lee switches off his computer. Another message comes in from Radcircles.]
Lee: [reading] "Thanks, that was a fun game of cat-and-mouse, let's play again soon?" [responding] "For the last time, WHO ARE YOU?"
[No reply is forthcoming.]
Lee: "Nothing. What does Radcircles have against me anyway? And how will I ever figure out who it is?"
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