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Script


Lee: "Ever hear the one about the kid that got detention for a year for the mother of all pranks?" [Pictures of the prank are shown.] "Yeah, that was me. Not that I did it or anything. I was totally set up!" [Pictures of the paint blueprints, the mathletes, and Barrage lecturing Lee are shown.] "Things were getting weird. So I did what any kid would do." [smugly] "I went to a killer party." [normally] "But things got weirder. I found out the song that played during the prank has a strange, hypnotizing effect on people. Only–not on me. Word on the street? The Dudes of Darkness made the song. Now I gotta find out why."
Detentionaire

Lee's Inner Monologue: 4:13. Less than two minutes 'til detention gets out. But as usual, I'm nowhere near detention.
[Lee is crowdsurfing in the auditorium while wearing a disguise that makes him look like a rock star.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: And while this may look like a lot of fun– [Lee laughs.] Okay, it is.
[The clock on the wall ticks over to 4:14. Suddenly, the direction Lee is going in shifts.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: But the problem with surfing a crowd, or an ocean? [Lee is now heading towards Barrage.] You never know when you might see a shark!
Lee: [worried] "Put me down!"


Earlier that day...7:50 AM
[Lee is riding on a trolley and checking out the recorded output of the Dudes of Darkness.]
Camillio: [boarding the trolley] "No way! That would never happen!"
Holger: [walking with Cam] "Yes way, it would always happen!"
Camillio: "Yo, Lee, you gotta settle this bro. If you're a zombie, kay, are you gonna launch your sneak attack in a subway, or in like a, a stinking sewer?"
Holger: "But keep in noodle, in sewer, many delicious rats. Delicious! Ja."
Camillio: "There's no rats in a game, dude! Then you wouldn't even need a sneak attack! You can't feed him info that's not there."
Holger: "Ambiance. Holger set mood."
Camillio: "Ah, mood, schmood."
Holger: "No mood pombersmood!"
Lee: "Guys! I have bigger problems than another video game squabble." [sad] "Thanks to Brandy's party, I'm grounded for every single weekend and holiday. Like, ever." [peppier] "But, I've been listening to the DoD songs, and they're metal, not techno. And they don't even have the prank song up on their site." [The bus stops, and Lee grabs his backpack.]
Camillio: "Hombre, you're gonna drive yourself crazy with all this prank stuff."
Lee: [getting off with his friends] "Yeah, but–DJ Lynch said the Dudes of Darkness gave him the prank song to play at the party. It must be theirs! And so they must have–"
Holger: [excited] "The super-fantastic taste in music?"
Lee: "No! They must have done the prank! How else does their 'unknown techno song' end up hosting the big prank?"
Camillio: "Uh, what?"
Lee: "Uhkay, you guys are both clueless." [He walks away.]
Camillio: [gesturing to Holger] "Aw he's way more clueless than me."
Holger: "Fft. If as."
Lee: [as they approach the school] "I'm telling you, that song has some sort of hypnotic effect. Don't either of you remember? From, the party?"
Camillio: "Dude you can't hypnotize people in real life. That's TV and comic book stuff cabron."
Lee: "Have you blocked out my tenth birthday party? The hypnotist? The Amazing Finnwich? You as a monkey?"
Camillio: [annoyed] "Please, homeslice. If there's one thing I can guarantee it's that nobody can be hypno–"
Lee: "Butterscotch."
[Cam instantly begins imitating an upset monkey. Holger cowers behind Lee in fear.]
Holger: [scared] "Monkey!"
Lee: "Ooh. Sorry Holg. Forgot about your blinding fear of primates."
[Cam leads the way into the school, still acting like a monkey. Lee and Holger follow him to their lockers.]
Lee: "Queen of hearts."
Camillio: [reverting to normal] "–notized. Nobody can penetrate this mind anyway!" [He realizes where they are.] "Hey, when did we come in here?"
[Holger breathes a sigh of relief. Suddenly, the sounds of the prank song can be heard faintly.]
Lee: [gasping] "Dudes of Darkness." [The band approaches them.] "Hey, guys, got a question about the song–"
[Cyrus, who is listening to the prank song on his headphones, chugs a bottle of Green Apple Splat and ignores him. Goob, Rud, and Skeeter flash him the horns.]
Skeeter: "Rawawawck out!"
[The bell rings to signal the start of classes.]

Chaz: [on the news] "Are you ready for an audio assault, A. Nigma High? 'Cause today is–" [in a monster voice] "Battle of the Bands." [He laughs.]
Tina: "For two years in a row, the DoD have come in first place." [Stepak holds a picture of the band up to the camera.] "Will their reign continue for a third?"
Chaz: "We went live to the streets to get the straight dillio on the other bands." [The feed switches to a tape of Chaz interviewing the Glamazons.] "Uhh, Kimmie, so great to talk to you." [whispering] "You're so thin." [normally] "The question on everyone's lips, is this your hair for the show or do you have a surprise in store, hmm? The coiffeur aficionados are dying to know. I know I am."
Tina: [rushing into the shot] "Brandy! Is it true you lip-sync? Oh, and what's it like living in Kimmie's shadow?"
Brandy: "You're cute when you try to be tough. But I can't really take your hair seriously."
[In class, Holger is watching intensely.]
Holger: "Girls no want to make nice! Both have the thing for Lee Ping."
Lee: "Yeah right." [raising his hand] "Uh, Mister Langhorne? I need to go to the bathroom. Like, now?"
Mr. Langhorne: "At the risk of sounding like one of your compatriots, don't you think you could just hold it in?"
Lee: "Hold it in?!? Are you forgetting the PSAs we watched last week?"


[A PSA on Bathroom Etiquette made by Mann, Wurst, and Finnwich productions is shown.]
Scientist: "Let's review. We always maintain order. Begin by calmly raising your hand. Once permission is granted, walk a straight line to the bathroom, do whatever business you must, wash your hands, and return to your seat." [He chuckles.] "So simple, even a monkey could do it."
[The scientist picks up a monkey, and the monkey slaps him across the face.]
Holger: [in the audience] "Monkey!"
Child: [awkwardly hopping] "Uh, what happens if you hold it in?"
Scientist: "Why, you self-combust."
[The child stands still for an awkward moment before disappearing in a plume of smoke. The credits roll.]


[Mr. Langhorne obligingly hands over the bathroom key to Lee. Lee begins to run.]
Mr. Langhorne: "Ahem! Are you forgetting, the film on running in the halls?"


[A boy is running in the halls when suddenly he disappears in a plume of smoke. The credits roll.]


Lee: "Right." [He walks away normally.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: [as Lee walks down the hall] So far so good. So far so good. Y'know, as long as I don't run into–
[The principal rounds a corner and stares directly at Lee.]
Principal General Barrage: "Why, if it isn't everybody's favorite crackerjack with a side of flappity slapjack. Lee Convict Pingy Ping! Roaming the halls without a care in the world! Not even bothering to obtain a simple, so-lit-ary little bathroom–"
[Lee holds up the pass. The principal gapes at it.]
Lee: "Pass?"
Principal General Barrage: [let down] "Oh. You can go. FER NOW!!!"
[The principal signals that he'll be keeping an eye on Lee and then storms off.]


[Inside the boys' bathroom, the Dudes of Darkness are practicing with unplugged instruments, except for Rud, who is merely using a hi-hat and a snare. After a riff, Skeeter stops the song and knocks on a stall door.]
Skeeter: "Yo Cyrus! That's where you come in! Cy!" [He knocks again.]
Goob: "Man, you're ruining it, again!"
Lee: [entering the bathroom] "Nice jam, guys. About that prank song–" [Goob grabs him.]
Goob: "Man, what did you do to Cyrus?"
Skeeter: "Your song messed our frontman waaaaaayyyyYYYYYY!" [He pauses.] "Up."
Lee: "My song? I thought it was yours."
[Cyrus opens his stall door and steps out. He chugs from his bottle of Green Apple Splat and then drops it on the floor.]
Cyrus: "Hhhh. Whoa." [on high alert] "Where did I leave my Green Apple Splat?!? Aah!" [He spots some bottles on top of a urinal.] "Oh, there it is. Phew."
Lee: "Hi."
[Lee finds himself grabbed for the second time in a minute as Cyrus bodily hauls him into a stall and slams the door shut.]
Skeeter: [outside the stall] "Yo Cy! Come on!"
Lee: [as Cyrus chugs soda] "So, the uh, prank song–"
Cyrus: [excited] "I know! Oh, it's sooo heavy!" [hyperactive] "How'd you hit that screedly D note? What's the inspiration behind the awesome reverb and the foot stomping! Is that five people or six? It's just, yougottatellmesomething. Imeananything. Anything!"
Lee: "Huh?"
Cyrus: "The song, man. Your prank song! How'd you record it? How'd you come up with it? It's pure, epic, bliss!"
Lee: "Back up. Didn't–you guys make the song?"
Cyrus: "Nah, man. I just recorded it during the prank on my cell. Heard the beats, hit record–" [hissing] "–got obsessed. It's transcendent, dude." [He resumes chugging Green Apple Splat.]
Lee: "But Lynch told me you gave him the song."
Cyrus: "I did. But what I want is the original song!" [getting angry] "There's way too much background noise! People screaming, whispering, blah-bluhbluhbluh-blah!"
Lee: "So the recording you have has all the background sounds and stuff? From the prank? Cha-ching."
Cyrus: "No! It bites! I want a clean copy! You gotta giveittome. I need it! Giveitnow! Giveittomenow!"
[Cyrus pushes into Lee, causing him to fall out of the stall. Goob stops Cyrus.]
Goob: "We need to practice."
Cyrus: "We rehearse." [He stares at Goob with eyes of steel.] "But we do the prank song."
Goob: "We're a rock band. We don't play club music. Never have, never will."
Cyrus: [starting the prank song on his headphones] "Then maybe it's time for this dude to split. And find a new band."
[Cyrus puts his headphones on, and his face morphs into an odd expression. Strangest of all are his eyes, which seemingly invert their color with his whites turning brown and his pupils turning white.]
Lee: "Uh, Cy, before you 'quit the band,' can you give me a copy of the song?"
Cyrus: [robotically] "Quit. The band." [He walks out of the room like a marionette.]
Goob: [upset with Lee] "What did you just do?!? Cy, wait!"
[The other musicians run after Cyrus.]
Goob: "Let's talk about this!"
[As soon as the Dudes of Darkness leave, Biffy opens a stall door. He is dressed in a bunch of clothes that bear the insignia of the Dudes of Darkness.]
Lee: "Biffy? What're you doing here?" [realizing] "I mean, besides the obvious."
Biffy: [grinning like a shark] "I was eavesdropping while they rehearsed." [smiling] "You just haven't lived until you've heard Cyrus's vocals echo off a urinal."
Lee: "I'll try and remember that."
Biffy: [getting in Lee's face] "Remember this." [Lee backs up as Biffy advances on him.] "The DoD are my all-time favorite band!" [Lee falls out of the bathroom.] "And you've ruined it! You split up my band!"
Lee: "Me? How is this my fault?" [Biffy hauls him upright against a locker.]
Biffy: "Oh, you mean other than suggesting he quit?"
[Biffy notices the vice principal approaching from behind him. Both he and Lee hold up their bathroom passes with nervous grins on their faces.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Well isn't that nice to see you two boys getting along so swimmingly." [She turns and leaves, giving a wave as she goes.] "Ta-ta!"
Lee and Biffy: "Bye Vice Principal Victoria."
[As soon as she's gone, Biffy slams Lee up against the lockers again.]
Biffy: "Today is the one day I am not getting detention. 'Cause nothing will get in the way of me enjoying the show."
Lee: "Sure, nothing but the fact that they just broke up!"
Biffy: "Unnnnh!" [Lee ducks as Biffy angrily punches the locker above his head.] "When I get upset, my anger seems to know no bounds." [grabbing Lee] "So if I were you, I'd find a way to fix this. Not only will I never help you again, but I just might show you how much of a bully I can be."
[Lee gulps.]


[At 1:25 PM, Lee is in gym class. He is stationed on the same team as Goob. They are playing dodgeball.]
Lee: [to Goob] "Uh, dude? What happened back there?"
Goob: "Forget that guy! We're done being Cyrus's backing band!" [He angrily hurls the ball at Giuseppe.] "We gotta retool. We are not gonna play Cyrus's hand-me-downs!"
[A throw from Skeeter slams full-force into a nerd. It bounces off of the nerd, and Irwin runs to catch it. Unfortunately for him, it lands squarely in Rud's hands.]
Rud: "Yeah, we ain't no cover band!" [He hurls the ball at Irwin.]
Irwin: [turning to run] "YEE-AAAAAA!" [The ball smacks into the back of his head.]
Skeeter: [singing in celebration] "Rock onnnn!"
Lee: "What about your fans? If you guys don't play you'll let 'em all down!"
Goob: "The DoD official rock biography will show it was Cyrus who let down the fans. Not the real Dudes."
Lee: "Dudes. Of–Darkness. What better way to unveil your new band than showing everyone at the Battle of the Bands that you rock?"
Skeeter: [singing] "Roooock!"
Goob: "He's right. We go out there, rock hard, and show the fans the DoD isn't all about Captain Tophat. The Dudes! Are! Back!"
Skeeter: "Yeah!"
Rud: "Rock out!"
[The Dudes hi-five. By this time, Lee has snuck away from them.]


[Lee walks through the high school.]
Suzie: [raspy] "Hey, you guys hear? Cyrus is out."
Party Girl: "No way!"
Kid in Baseball Cap: "They're nothing without him!"
Random Guy: "Y'think?"
[Lee walks up to Cam and Holger.]
Lee: "You guys get the stuff? I need a new look to hit the halls and look for Cyrus."
Holger: [pulling an outrageous getup from his locker] "I get you Eurochic jacket."
Camillio: "Na na, man, he needs edge! Who even knows what chic means?"
Holger: "It mean he be extra cool, ja?" [pulling a photo from his pocket] "Like when you small boyenhoffen with zhe violin lessons?"
Lee: [looking at the picture] "Holger, where did you–get that? And that's not exactly Eurochic."
Camillio: "That's why you gotta keep it edgy, yo!" [He gives Lee a pair of sunglasses.]
Lee: "Guys. Relax. I'll take it all. I'll be Euro-edgy guy or whatever, kay?"
Holger: [proudly] "And chic."
Lee: "Totally. Can you guys just do me one more solid? With Biffy out, I kinda need some Barrage recon. Maybe you guys could–"
Camillio: "Call you if he like splits from the show? No problemo! I'll be your eyes and ears!"
Holger: [upset] "No Holger be eyes! You ears!"
Lee: [annoyed] "Uhh."


[Lee is sitting in detention when the principal walks in.]
Principal General Barrage: "Well, well. If it ain't the merry little prankster all on his lonesome! I might cry. If I had tear ducts! Reminds me of being stuck without rations, in the Say-haira! I had to eat my own leg!" [darkly] "Without one drop of hollandaise sauce. Imagine that, while you're stuck here, and the Battle of the Bands rages, just over the dune."
[The principal leaves. As soon as he's gone, Lee grabs his disguise (which now includes a white and blue wig) and heads for the door. When he opens it, he finds somebody waiting for him.]
Biffy: [smiling] "So. The Dudes are playing." [angry] "Without Cyrus! Way to go!" [leaning in] "Look. Without Cyrus, they are not the DoD! You can't just remove one of them, or it'll all fall apart! Get my band back together, or you're gonna look like a human pretzel."
Lee: [frightened] "Got it. On it." [He slips past Biffy and out the door.]


[Chaz and Tina are onstage, announcing the bands.]
Chaz: "Welcome to Battle of the Bands. I'm the man, Chaz Monerainian, and of course, we wouldn't be here today without our extra-special sponsor." [holding up a bottle] "Green Apple Splat. It's the splattiest!"
Tina: "Thanks, Green Apple Splat. Next up, Skate or Die Trying!"
[The crowd cheers. The skaters come onstage.]
Unnamed Skater: [rapping] "You're like a lollipop!" [Ned and Ted collide.]
Zed: [rapping] "Hard in the middle!"
Unnamed Skater: [rapping] "Just like the cat he say–"
Zed: [rapping] "–hey diddle diddle!"
Unnamed Skater: [rapping] "The cow jumped over the moon."
Zed: [enthusiastic] "What?"
Unnamed Skater: "What say what say what!"
Zed: [confused] "What?" [standing up straight] "No really! What are we rapping about again?"
Unnamed Skater: "Huh?" [The crowd has by this point stopped cheering.]
Zed: "Dude! Crowdsurf!"
[Zed leaps into the crowd. Unfortunately for him, the crowd parts to let him land on the floor, not wanting to reward such a shoddy performance. The other three skaters, who have followed his lead, land on him.]
Zed: [crushed] "Ahw! Suckage!"


[Lee walks through the halls of the high school, drawing appreciative stares for his cool look.]
Cheerleader: "Who's that kid?"
Jock: "Think he's the new Dude of Darkness?"
Cheerleader: "Totally!"
Robin: [excited] "Oh I want his autograph!"
Branch: "Me first!"
[Soon, Lee is being pursued by a rampaging horde of fans.]
Robin: "Oh my gosh!"
[Lee ducks behind a bank of lockers and lets the stampede pass him by.]
Robin: [excited] "AHH!"


Tina: [announcing the next group] "And now the mathletes will do a–"
Chaz: [reading the program] "Robot Go-Factor Dimension Matrix?" [laughing] "Can you say 'nerd alert?' Tell me how it goes, I'm grabbing a burger."
[Chaz walks offstage and the mathletes walk on. They are wearing their laptops as hats, with the laptops set to pictures of their faces and sheets covering the mathletes' actual faces. Beth, Irwin, and Greta dance the robot as Wayne plays the keytar.]
Robotic Voice: "Robot. Go-Factor. Dimension. Matrix." [Holger dances along as Cam rolls his eyes. Boos are heard.] "Robot. Go-Factor. Dimension. Matrix."
[Cam walks over to Tina and takes a gander at the program. He then sends out a text.]


[Lee is walking through the boys bathroom. At this point in the day, the bathroom floor is littered with more than a dozen empty bottles of Green Apple Splat. He receives a text.]
Lee: [reading it] "DoD onstage in–thirty minutes?!?" [He sighs.] "Cyrus? You in here?"
[Lee pushes the stall door open and finds Cyrus hunched over the toilet, tapping at his phone as he listens to the prank song once again.]
Lee: "You okay, man?"
Cyrus: [robotically] "I am. Okay. Man."
Lee: [realizing] "He's in a trance. Hmm." [commandingly] "Cy, I want you to rejoin the band and give me the song."
Cyrus: [robotically] "I will rejoin the band, and give you the–" [He realizes what he was about to say.] "Never!"
[Cyrus looks up, and his eyes are seen peeking out from beneath his top hat. They have inverted colors once again, but this time, there is an anger deep inside of them.]
Cyrus: "My! Awesome! Beats!"
Lee: "Wha–"
[Cyrus suddenly leaps up and clambers out of the stall by way of the space between the ceiling and the stall walls.]
Lee: "No! Wait!"
[Lee gives chase as Cyrus runs through the hall like a dog.]
Principal General Barrage: "STAAAHP!" [Lee and Cyrus skid to a stop, and Cyrus's eyes return to normal.] "Cool your engines! Check the antifreeze! 'Cause no one zipper-zaps through my hallways." [Lee and Cyrus nod. The principal's eyes widen as he looks at Lee.] "Do I know you?!? You look awful familiar."
Lee: "No–" [He coughs and drops his voice into a lower register.] "No, don't think so. It's my first day."
Principal General Barrage: "Sure I know you!" [cheerful] "You both should be over at the musical gym jamboree, am I right?"
Cyrus: "Huh? The show is now? I gotta get to my gig! There aren't any Dudes without the King of Darkness! Ow!"
Lee's Inner Monologue: Cyrus isn't hypnotized anymore. What happened?
[Lee flashes back to the party and how everyone was hypnotized by the prank song there too.]
Principal General Barrage: [recorded] "Who is responsible for this!"
[Lee remembers what just happened.]
Principal General Barrage: "Stop!"
Cyrus: "Whoa."
Lee's Inner Monologue: Barrage's voice snaps people out of the trance! As long as Cyrus doesn't hear the song again, he can stay like this.
Principal General Barrage: "You know boys, Papa Barrage used to be somewhat of a crooner himself." [He shuts his eye and starts singing.] "Bow, shoo be-do wop-wop, be-deedlyop, waddle waddle-edope, waddle-waddley we-we–" [His eye springs open.] "THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GETTING!" [walking away] "Doodleywop, schoodleywop, beedelybop, weee!"
Cyrus: [confused] "What's going on? It's like I'm in a fog or something."
Lee: "Long story. You have to be on stage in like, minutes! Short version? You were brainwashed by the prank song. It's got this hold over anyone who listens to it."
Cyrus: "Yo, dude, nice try." [raising his headphones] "Music might be the most ultimate power in existence, but it can't do that! Look, check it out." [He puts his headphones on and starts the song again.]
Lee: "No! Wait!"
[Cyrus starts grooving. Suddenly, he stops and begins giggling madly.]
Cyrus: "No one–no one can have the awesome beats of–awesomeness! No one!"
[Cyrus grabs Lee, stuffs him into a locker, slams the locker door shut, and then takes off down the hall, cackling madly all the while.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: Note to self: next time, take away the song, then explain its hypnotic powers.


[Lee has taken to hammering on the inside of the locker to attract attention. His friends walk up.]
Tina: [over the intercom] "Would the following students report to Room 113b. Cyrus Xavier and Greta Von Hoffman."
[Cam and Holger let him out, and Lee falls to the floor.]
Lee: "Thanks, guys." [He gets up and dusts himself off.]
Camillio and Holger: "You're welcome." [They glare at each other.]
Lee: "Any clue how much time I have left?"
Camillio: "As your better friend, I have the program right here." [holding off an offended Holger] "Only one more band before the DoD, ese. Like five minutes, max!" [to Holger] "Let go!"
Lee: [to himself] "Gotta find Cyrus."
[He enters the gym through a backstage door and is grabbed by the shirt once again.]
Biffy: [threateningly] "You'd better have good news."
Lee: "There's a half-off sale at the Big and Bulky store?"
Biffy: [losing his temper] "Better news?"
Lee: "My plan's in motion?" [seriously] "I swear, I know how to fix this. I've just gotta find Cyrus! Any chance you know where he is?"
Biffy: "The rafters! He's got some sort of a Phantom of the Opera vibe going on. Oh man, he is so deep!" [He looks back to Lee only to find that Lee has gotten away.] "Huh?"
Lee: [climbing a ladder] "I've got this! I'll be sure to get an autograph from your boyfriend!"
Biffy: [annoyed] "Nuuuhhh."


[Onstage are Kimmie and the Glamazons. The crowd cheers for them.]
Kimmie: [singing] "I'm rich! And I do what I want, my daddy bought me a restaurant. They call it Kimmie's!"
Brandy and Kimmie: "Kimmie's. Kimmie's, Kimmie's, Kimmie's."
Kimmie: "I've got green! I only get your name, so that next time..."
[The Glamazons' song trails off into the background as Lee approaches a tent. Inside the tent is Cyrus, who is using a drumstick to try and recreate the sounds of the track on various pieces of trash.]
Lee: "Cyrus, you've gotta listen to me. Take off your headphones." [Cyrus does not comply.] "The Dudes are about to play without you. But they need you! Your fans need you!"
[Lee reaches for the headphones, but Cyrus knocks his hand away with the drumstick. This sends Lee's hand into Cyrus's bottle of Green Apple Splat, which tips over and spills. When he sees this, Cyrus gasps.]
Cyrus: "My Splat."
[Howling like an animal, Cyrus leaps on Lee, enraged by the loss of his soda. Meanwhile, the Glamazons have finished their song and Chaz has taken the stage again.]
Chaz: "Thank you, Kimmie and the Gs, for that surprising tribute to gangsta rap. There's one for you, homies, straight up, yo. And now A. Nigma High, you ready to rock?" [The crowd cheers.]
Various Students: "Yeah!"
Skeeter: [taking the stage with Goob and Rud] "Rock ouuuttt!"
Chaz: "Ladies and germs, Green Apple Splat presents, the DoD!"
[Chaz exits the stage.]
Rud: [tapping his drumsticks] "One two three four!"
[The band starts their song. In the rafters, Cyrus shoves Lee over the railing, and Lee tumbles down towards the stage. Before he can splatter, though, he catches his foot in a rope. He hangs upside down for a moment, his wig miraculously staying on his head, before slipping out of the rope and landing on his feet. Lee is now at center stage, and all eyes are on him as the band continues to play. In the audience, Giuseppe sneezes and notices that his violin has been stolen afterwards. The thief is Holger, who tosses the instrument to Lee. Lee begins playing it poorly.]
The Crowd: [chanting] "We want Cyrus! We want Cyrus! We want Cyrus! We want Cyrus! We want Cyrus!"
[In the rafters, Cyrus pays no attention to the crowd while onstage, Lee stops playing. He receives a phone call.]
Holger: "Lee, it's me, Holger, from school."
Lee: [annoyed] "I know who you are, Holger!"
Holger: "I see the Barrage. He is in exit door."
Camillio: [joining the conversation] "Yo! Lee! Barrage is near the exit door!"
Lee: "Guys, I'm kinda busy. So unless you can summon Barrage's voice, I–" [getting an idea] "Whoa! Barrage's voice!" [directing] "Get me Barrage's voice. Give him the phone."
Camillio: "Will do."
Holger: "Holger out."
[Camillio sprints towards Barrage, phone extended. However, Holger dives at Camillio and tackles him in order to prevent Cam from getting the glory. The audience begins to pelt the Dudes of Darkness with miscellaneous debris. The crowd is now booing.]
Camillio: [to Holger] "We gotta help Lee. He's our ese, ese! Maybe we should give our petty video-game weekend holdover bickering session a rest. 'Cause together we'll be more help!"
Holger: "Ja! And together we may become awesome robot principal hunters of all time!"
[Holger reaches for the phone but sees it get kicked away. The person whom it lands next to then shifts his leg in a backwards kick just strong enough that the phone goes flying directly to Holger.]
Holger: [catching the phone] "I got it! Oh goodie!"
[Holger looks over to the person who kicked the phone back, and Biffy smiles at him. Holger then tosses the phone to Cam.]
Camillio: [holding the phone out to the principal] "He-ey man, it's like uh, for you."
[Cam flashes the frontman a thumbs-up, and Lee holds his cell phone up to the microphone.]
Principal General Barrage: [bellowing into the phone] "WHO IS THIS?"
[The sound of Barrage's voice echoes around the auditorium, not only stopping the performance but breaking through Cyrus's trance.]
Cyrus: "Huh?" [He sees the stage below him.] "Uh, that's my band, and that's not me!"
[Cyrus acrobatically leaps down and lands onstage.]
Lee: [into the microphone] "I'll tell ya who this is. It's Cyrus! The original Dude Of The Dark!"
[The crowd cheers, and Cyrus turns to his bandmates.]
Cyrus: "Let's do this! Together."
[Cyrus, Goob, Rud, Skeeter, and Lee bump fists. They start a new song, and Cyrus and Lee play a duet, alternating lines on guitar and violin.]
Biffy: [in the audience] "Yes!"
[The crowd cheers when they finish.]
Skeeter: "We totally raaaaaahked! it."
Goob: [eyes full of hope] "Cy. Does this mean we're back?"
Cyrus: "Back? Never left, bro."
Goob: "Lee, like the sound. Maybe we can lay down some tracks. You in?"
Lee: "Not really my thing. Besides, you four are the true DoD."
Cyrus: "Whatever, bro, we owe you!"
Lee: "Okay. How about a copy of the prank song?"
Cyrus: "Dude, seriously? I was gonna erase it, but–sure." [sending the song to Lee's phone] "Your funeral."
Lee: "Awesome!" [faking apathy] "I mean, uh, y'know, cool."
Cyrus: "Take this, too!" [He puts his hat on Lee's head.]
Lee: "But–it's your trademark."
Cyrus: "S'all good, I've got a closet full of 'em at home!" [He puts on a new hat. Lee's phone rings, and he answers.]
Camillio: [on the other end] "Dude! Barrage is totally leaving!"
Lee: [worried] "Barrage is gonna make it back to detention before me! I'm toast!"
Cyrus: "No worries, bro! Forgot about the awesome power of rock an' roll!"
[The Dudes of Darkness start a new song.]
Cyrus: [singing] "The spooky sound when lights go out, frogs start fallin' from the skyyyyy. Paint and stink and smoke and screams! Makes you wonder why-e-i-e-i-eee!!!"
[Barrage is now hemmed in by the crowd. Cyrus directs Lee to crowdsurf out of the auditorium.]
Cyrus: [singing] "The prank is up." [Lee moves towards the exit.] "The prank is up." [The direction of the crowd shifts, sending Lee towards the principal.] "The prank is up."
Lee: "Other way! Other way. Put me down!"
[Suddenly, two hands reach out and grab Lee, pulling him out of the human froth. The culprit is none other than Biffy.]
Biffy: "Shouldn't you be in detention?"
Lee: [relieved] "Am I glad to see you. Gotcha something."
[Lee puts Cyrus's hat on Biffy's head. Biffy puts Lee on his back and runs towards detention. Lee arrives seconds before detention is scheduled to let out and tosses his disguise away.]
Lee: "Thanks, buddy."
[Biffy flashes him a thumbs-up and skedaddles. Lee heaves a sigh of relief.]
Principal General Barrage: [opening the door] "Four-fifteen inspection! Private!" [Lee straightens up.] "You missed quite a show, Ping. DEEE-SMISSED!" [Barrage leaves. As he walks down the hall, he can be heard singing.] "The prank is up...the prank is up..."


[Lee is chatting with Holger and Cam over the internet.]
Lee: [talking about the song] "I'm a little scared to listen to it after what it did to Cyrus. Maybe it takes a lot of listens to get really messed up though. But what if it puts me under a spell too?"
Camillio: [laughing] "I told you bro, ain't no such thing."
Lee: [rolling his eyes] "Butterscotch."
[At the mention of the substance, Cam starts acting like a hyperactive monkey.]
Holger: "AAH! Monkey!" [He exits the chat so he won't have to look at Cam.]
Lee: "Queen of hearts." [Cam reverts to normal.]
Camillio: "Know what I'm saying?"
Lee: "Hah! Goodnight, dude." [He turns off the computer.]
Mrs. Ping: [outside the room] "Lights out!" [She flips off the lights.]
Lee: [bushed] "What a day." [He flops into his bed with his phone and a pair of earphones.] "Nearly got outed at the concert, but I finally got the prank song. But if the Dudes didn't record it, who did?" [looking at his phone] "Time to brainwash myself? Or not?"
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