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Script


[A banging can be heard from a truck marked with the MWF logo. The banging is coming from a crate inside the truck. Inside the crate is one Tina Kwee.]
Tina: "Ugh!" [She slumps onto the floor and pulls out her tape recorder.] "Audio log continued. Great, so now I'm in some crate?!? What am I, an exotic pet?!? Hello!" [She elbows the side of the crate.] "Some airholes woulda been nice! And a little hospitality, maybe a snack? Ugh! How'd I get here? Good question. It started with Cam's first day back since he lost his presidency to Beth. Chaz thought he'd scoop me by turning the ex-prez's return into his trashiest TV ambush ever. I thought an authority figure might actually, y'know, care, but Principal Wurst had something else to talk about. Coral. Grove. So I tell him everything! Next thing I know, I'm in this box and it doesn't take an investigative journalist to see why I'm here." [She elbows the side of the crate again and hits her funnybone.] "Ow! But, since I am one, it's all because Jenny and I got that password from Brandy's place, that gave us access to a Coral Grove database! Which obviously made the wrong people very angry." [worried] "And that means Jenny must be next! Oh, I have to warn her! But how?"
Principal Wurst: [outside] "Hey, can ya keep it down in there! We're in the middle of some important business here." [He is playing cards with two blue reaper robots. The pot is made of candy.] "Okay boys, whose turn was it? Oh yeah. Mine." [laying his cards out] "Ha ha! That's gin! I'll just take my winnings." [He straightens his tie and scoops the pot toward him.] "Ha ha!"
Detentionaire

Professor Pennyearnt: "I'm feeling a bit tired from all of this excitement."
[The teacher puts down his cup and takes a seat in a chair near the wall of the teachers lounge.]
Lee: [whispering to Biffy] "See? What'd I tell ya? Chamomile tea plus teacher equals naptime everytime!"
[A red scanner comes out of the smoke detector.]
Scanner: "Initiating sleep protocol."
[Lee and Biffy dive underneath a table as the scanner looks around the room. It doesn't detect them.]
Biffy: "Yes!" [handing Lee a breathing mask] "Now, get ready to rock."
Lee: "I'm not even gonna ask."
[Lee puts the mask on. Behind them, a hole opens beneath the teacher's chair, and the chair folds straight in order to send him sliding down it. The door to the teachers lounge opens, and Lee and Biffy gasp. Barrage has arrived on the scene.]


Earlier that day...8:57 AM
[Lee and Holger are running down the street. Lee is exhausted, and he stops and leans against a pole to catch his breath. Holger notices and stops as well.]
Holger: "Why are we stopping? If we hurry, we make it back for home ec class! And Holger be able to be baking his flan! Ja?"
Lee: "Sorry Holg. It's just–what's the point?!?!?"
Holger: [shocked] "What? Why to bake delicious flan? To be eating!" [normally] "Vhat you be thinking?"
Lee: "Forget the flan, man, I might have an evil brother! And my dad knew about it the whole time! And we all have the same birthmark thingy but my dad and I have tattoos that cover 'em up. Why?"
Holger: "Uh–"
Lee: "And what does my mom know? It'll freak her out if she doesn't, but maybe I should tell her so I'm not the only one freaking out!"
Holger: "Vell you know–"
Lee: "Who am I even supposed to believe?" [Holger slaps his hands over Lee's mouth.]
Holger: "No more, okay? Lee no happy with life. Holger no happy because Lee of Pings no happy!" [shaking Lee] "And now, Holger no know what to say!" [hugging Lee tightly] "So I just be doing this. Ya? Good."
Lee: [sighing] "Yeah. Goot." [Holger stops hugging him.] "Thanks Holg. I can always count on you." [He takes a key out of his backpack.] "Here. I want you to have the extra one. You know, guard it and stuff."
Holger: [ecstatic] "You're giving me the most special super important key?" [taking the key] "Thank you, Lee! Oh, Holger will never let it out of sighting of eyeballs!" [He rubs it against his face, and it pops loose.] "Oopsies." [The key bounces towards a sewer grate.] "NOOOOOO!" [Holger dives and catches the key. After a few seconds, he smiles.] "See? Holger save."
Lee: [helping Holger up] "C'mon buddy. Let's go save the world."
[Lee runs off. Holger smiles and drops the key again.]
Holger: "Oh no!"

[Cam and Brandy walk down the hall looking downcast.]
Brandy: "Seriously, I'm going home. That news update or whatever you wanna call it was pretty much the most embarrassing thing in my life."
Camillio: [laughing] "That? Please! So you lost it a tad, and tried to strangle Kimmie. I'm sure no one even saw it."
[The bell rings to signal a class change, and students flood into the halls. Some giggle as they pass Brandy.]
Camillio: "Okay they saw it, but it's done and, I'm sure everyone's gonna like forget it in like no time, like bing bang boom it's over, see? Hey, where'd it even go? I don't know."
Jenny: [running up to them] "Man, brutal entrance! I don't think anyone's ever gonna forget that."
Brandy: [slumping] "Mmm."
Camillio: [annoyed] "Yeah. Thanks for the help there."
Jenny: "Any chance you seen Tina?"
Brandy: [angry] "Of course! Now it makes sense! Tina is behind this whole thing. She totally never got over Lee, and so sicced Chaz on me. Tina Kwee, where you hiding?" [She storms off.]
Jenny: [perky] "Tell her to call me if you find her!" [to Cam] "So, what're you gonna do about Chaz?"
Camillio: "I don't freak out that easy. Besides, he's got the attention span of a–" [distracted] "Oh, hey, a penny." [He picks it up.] "He's probably off bugging someone else right now."
[Jenny and Cam split up. Cam heads to his next class, looking at his penny as he goes. He walks in the door.]
Chaz: "Here he is, A. Nigma High, today's special but really not special at all guest, ex-president Cam."
[Chaz has set up his show in Cam's next class, home economics. The audience boos Cam.]
Camillio: [annoyed] "Seriously, dude, not this again."
Chaz: "Totally this again, duuude." [He shoves Cam into a chair.]
Camillio: "Hey, watch it!"
Chaz: "Okay people, welcome to–" [singing] "–Chaz's Corner!" [normally] "Daytime Edition. Destined to be the most exciting hour in TV history."
Camillio: "Hour?" [snickering] "You're loco, man. No one wants to sit here while you talk smack that long."
Chaz: "Sure they do. They love my voice. And who wouldn't, with its low low lows." [singing] "And its high high highs!" [normally] "People tell me actually I should do radio, but look at this face. But this isn't about me. On this show, our audience will be the ones asking the questions. Okay. Who's first."
[A prerecorded question appears on the screen.]
Recorded Boy in Green Hat: "Did you cheat to become president?"
Recorded Blonde Girl: "Why do you always wear those headphones?" [Cam grabs at his headphones.]
Recorded Squeaky-Voiced Boy: "Are you balding?" [Cam grabs at the top of his head.]
Camillio: "Huh?"
Recorded Boy in Hat: "Is your foot odor problem hereditary?"
Camillio: "What?" [He looks at his feet.] "Aw man, this is gonna be the worst day ever." [to the teacher] "Hey you're in charge, can't you make them stop?"
Ruthie: [shrugging] "I don't want to be the bad guy and shut it down. And, besides, I have a question."
Recorded Ruthie: "Ex-prez. Why ya always wearing that big coat? Is it to hide your freakishly small legs?"
Camillio: "Huh?"
[Onscreen, Ruthie laughs. Offscreen, the audience laughs.]


[Lee and Holger open a door and look out.]
Lee: "We're in luck. Coast is clear."
[Lee and Holger sprint out and run across the schoolyard. Barrage rounds a corner of the school right in front of them and spots them.]
Holger: "Oh, noes!"
Principal General Barrage: "Well call me a picnic, and rain on me till Tuesday!"
Holger: "Do not be cyborg raged, Principal Commander Admiral Barrage." [He salutes.] "We only be visiting Papa Ping in hospital!"
Principal General Barrage: "Hospitals are for the weak! And anyone who visits a hospital is weak, by a-ssociation! Detention for you, lanky Lou! And for Ping, mmm! Something new! Fresher! More diabolically painful perhaps." [He hears a noise in the distance and looks in its direction. Mr. Langhorne is playing football.] "What in the name of clown gibbery gerbils! I'll come back with something for you later, Ping! And it'll be a death-defying doozy!"
[The principal runs towards the football field. Lee and Holger look at each other.]


[Jenny is in the darkened newsroom. She is on her phone.]
Jenny: "Okay, Tina, this is my millionth call. I'm not stalking you but–okay, I'm stalking you. Guh-wait. Who's there?" [She peers into the shadows.]
Principal Wurst: "Well hello Jenny Jergens!" [coming out of the dark] "What are you doing hanging out in the dark?" [He pops a candy into his mouth.] "Without any candy." [approaching Jenny] "Want a chocolate-covered raisin? They're delish! And dark, so they don't blow your cover. Perfect sneaking around food I must say!" [He pops another one into his mouth.]
Jenny: "I wasn't sneaking around!" [She reaches for a raisin.]
Principal Wurst: [yanking the box away] "Oh. So you don't want special sneaking around candy." [He pops another pair of raisins into his mouth.] "But, you do like candy."
Jenny: [uncertain] "Uh huh. Hey listen, any chance you've seen Tina?"
Principal Wurst: "Okay fine, maybe I have been putting on some weight. But give up candy? That's crazy talk!" [He smiles at Jenny sinisterly.]
Jenny: "Yeah, sure, total crazy talk! Seriously seen her, not seen her, just need an answer on that."
Principal Wurst: "Maybe you could come with me and explain to them why I'm not giving up the candy! What do you say?" [smiling ghoulishly] "And then, I can help you with your little Tina problem, hmm?"


[Chaz's show is still on the air.]
Chaz: "Now Cam, we've met the people you really disappointed as president. Now let's meet the people who never liked you anyway!" [He laughs.] "First up–"
[Lee is walking through the hall. He walks up to Biffy.]
Biffy: "Uh hey, where are you going? I've been texting you for like half an hour!"
Lee: [progressively getting more freaked out] "Oh y'know, traffic, hazmats and, I dunno, maybe my whole life falling apart!" [He sighs.] "Sorry! I gotta get to class." [Biffy looks at him, unimpressed.] "What is it?"
Biffy: "Forget about class and check the tude, dude. I got the password to the teachers lounge. Sweet?"
Lee: [happy] "You got it? How?"
Biffy: "State secret. But now we can get to the bottom of this whole teacher cloning thing." [He walks up to the door, punches in the code, and opens the door. Once inside, he sniffs the air.] "Smell that? Green Apple Splat gas. Just like the bedroom at Petty's. Which means they probably gas this room and suck 'em down to a pod chamber below."
Lee: "Great, so how do we get d–"
Biffy: [clamping a hand over Lee's mouth] "A-ssh!"
[Mr. Rousseau is washing a plate in the sink. He finishes and walks over to a chair, where he begins reading a magazine. By now, Lee and Biffy have taken refuge under the table.]
Lee: [whispering] "If he catches us in here, we're in–"
[The smoke detector opens and a scanner comes out.]
Scanner: "Initiating sleep protocol." [It scans the room.]
Biffy: [whispering] "Something's going on." [He gasps.] "Splat gas!"
[The scanner gasses the teacher and then starts scanning the rest of the room. It spots Lee's hand, which is sticking out from under the table.]
Scanner: "Unauthorized personnel detected. Cancelling sleep protocol."
Biffy: "Dude, your stupid hand's in the way!"
[Lee yanks his arm back, but by now it's too late. The scanner recedes, the teacher's chair resumes its normal position, and Mr. Rousseau awakes.]
Mr. Rousseau: [surprised] "Am?" [He resumes reading his magazine.]


[Principal Wurst is leading Jenny to his office.]
Principal Wurst: "Okay, just tell them you don't think I should have to quit candy then I'll take you to Tina."
Jenny: [entering the office] "Wait, so you do know where she is?" [spotting something] "Buh?"
[In the principal's office are now two Principal Wursts: the one that led Jenny in and the one seated behind the desk, reading a newspaper.]
Principal Wurst #2: "We know a lot of things. Especially that too much candy makes you fat!"
Jenny: [confused] "O-kay what is this? Are you guys twins?"
[The new Wurst smacks a bag of candy out of the hands of the original.]
Principal Wurst #1: "He-ey!"
Principal Wurst #2: "So, Mizz Jergens. What we'd like to know is–" [He turns on the monitor in the office. A picture of the book is shown.] "Finnwich's book. Where is it?"
Jenny: "Huh? What book? Who's Finnwich?"
[The new principal smiles and flips through a series of pictures showing Jenny and Tina working with the book.]
Jenny: [uncomfortable] "Yeah well uh–why don't you tell me where Tina is first!"
Principal Wurst #2: "Tina? Oh, she's soon to be on her merry way to the same place as you. One more time, where's the book?" [Jenny stands determinedly silent.] "It doesn't matter if you answer here or there." [angry] "Either way, you will answer."
[Two blue robotic reapers come up behind Jenny and put a hand on each of her shoulders.]


[Mr. Rousseau has discovered the trespassing students.]
Mr. Rousseau: "And what would you two be doing here?"
Professor Pennyearnt: [entering the room] "Who's up for football!"
Mr. Rousseau: "Don't be ridiculous. We have classes to teach."
Professor Pennyearnt: "Sounds like someone's too chicken to take on the football champ."
Mr. Rousseau: [to himself] "Bulleh." [loudly] "Never! To ze gaming arena!"
[The teachers leave.]
Lee: "So its agreed? That was weird?"
Biffy: "Totally! Something's up with the clones. And we gotta get down there to see what it is!"
Lee: "How'd he make that beam thing come out?" [sitting in the chair] "He sat, and then..."
Biffy: "Ten bucks says it's a bioscan only triggered by teacher."
Lee: "So what, we wait for another one to come in and activate it?"
Biffy: "Bingo boingo." [He pulls Lee under the table.] "But this time, keep your body parts inside the ride?"


[Six teachers are playing a game of three-on-three.]
Mrs. Ping: "Okay. Just one more match and we go back to class."
Mr. Langhorne: "Hut!"
[The ball is snapped, and Mr. Langhorne drops back to pass. He releases the ball just before he gets plastered by Mrs. Warhola, and it flies in a perfect arc into Professor Pennyearnt's arms.]
Mrs. Ping: [racing towards him] "Say hello to my little friend, the ground!" [She tackles him.] "Pennyburned!"
[Mrs. Ping pretends to blow smoke off of her fingers. Another teacher runs by and scoops up the fumble. He's racing it back when he runs smack into Barrage's chest.]
Principal General Barrage: "Not since the Battle of Underwear Canyon, have I seen such utter disrespect for reality! Now get back in there, and start teaching!"
Professor Pennyearnt: "No way! We've had enough of taking orders from you. Always with the 'teach that kid to read.'"
Mrs. Ping: "Or show that student how to invert a fraction!"
Mr. Langhorne: "The students all hate us."
Principal General Barrage: "Well they're supposed to, you macaroons. You're teachers!"
Mr. Langhorne: "Well I say enough hatred. From now on, they can do what they want, and we can play our football!"
Principal General Barrage: "Have you all flipped your lippity lids? Inside! Teach! And stop tossing that pe-can pie plate around!" [He uses his heat vision to incinerate the football.]
Professor Pennyearnt: "You think that can stop us? We have another one."
Principal General Barrage: [threateningly] "You wanna play a game? Oh-hoo-hoo, we'll play a game! Yes indeedy!"


[Lee and Biffy are still under the table.]
Biffy: "Is it that coffeepot?" [Lee shakes his head.] "The table." [Lee shakes his head again.] "Yeah okay I'm done with I Spy."
Lee: "Aw, but you were getting closer!" [Biffy gets out from under the table.] "Where're you going?" [Biffy picks up a remote control.] "A teacher could walk in any minute!"
Biffy: "I'm bored! Let's at least see what's on while we wait."
[Biffy turns the TV on.]
Chaz: "If you're just joining us, we're in the middle of Chazzy's Corner, Daytime Edition."
Holger: [walking in] "Sorry for being late." [setting a burlap sack on the ground] "Holger had extra hard time finding special bag of mystery, suspense, and flan-baking accoutrements!" [He puts on a chef's hat and apron and looks around.] "Why is no one making the flan?"
Camillio: [standing up] "Holg, dude, things are messed up!" [Chaz shoves him back into the chair.] "Ow!"
Chaz: "Scuse me. Kinda in the middle of taping a show." [escorting Holger off the set] "Here's a signed autographed picture of me, thanks, you're welcome, move it on. Now take your seat so we can continue!"
Lee: "Man we really should do something about this."
Biffy: [opening the fridge] "Why, it's hilarious. Hey, there's leftover birthday cake!" [He takes it.] "So where are the teachers?"
[Lunch Lady Ruthie can be heard laughing.]
Lee: "What the..." [Cam steals Chaz's microphone.]
Chaz: "Hey!" [Cam runs over to the teacher, who is climbing out the window.]
Camillio: "Lady for reals? Can't you shut this noise down or something?"
Ruthie: "Deal with it on your own, short round. I've got a date with a touchdown!"
Holger: "Wait! Who will be in charge to show us how to be baking the flan?"
Ruthie: "You!"
[The lunch lady leaves. Holger smiles widely. Meanwhile, Stepak comes to the window and films as she takes a kickoff into the end zone for a touchdown.]
Ruthie: "Go! Go! Go lunch lady!"
Biffy: "Dude! All the teachers are out there? What're they doing?" [He polishes off the cake.]
Lee: "What're you doing?"
Biffy: [messy-faced] "Enjoying cake, this is how I like to eat it, so what, leave me alone!" [An explosion rocks the school.] "What was that?"
Lee: "Uh, that!"
[Lee points at the screen. On it, Barrage has brought a one-person tank onto the football field.]
Principal General Barrage: "Rule number one, in a sportin' event: always bring a tank."
[Barrage's tank fires nets which he uses to trap the absent teachers.]
Biffy: "Dude, I don't think the teachers are coming back. Like ever."
Lee: "Then we gotta go get one!"
[Lee and Biffy nod at each other and sprint out of the room. The TV continues to blare into an empty room.]
Chaz: "Ladies and gentlefolk, breaking news flash. Our principal is on the warpath, taking out teachers. It is crazy insane, and it's gonna be the next story I cover. Right after humiliating Cam a little bit more."
Holger: [upset] "No!" [grabbing the microphone] "Enough meany times, no more!"
Chaz: "Oh yeah? Well who cares what you think, everyone loves it."
Holger: "Holger care! And this be my class, so say crazy lunch lady. Who just made a splendid diving tackle."
[Chaz looks out the window just in time to see Ruthie and Mr. Rousseau get netted.]
Chaz: "Boooring! C'mon everyone, who'd rather be mean?"
Class: [cheering] "Mean! Mean! Mean! Mean!"
Holger: "No! Everybody! You are all being controlled by evil! Time for learning the lesson of badness! Vhere be Holger's bag of mystery, suspense, flan-baking accoutrements, and hard life lessons?"
Camillio: [bringing the bag over] "Over here, dude! And I really hope you got something good lined up."
[Outside, Barrage is still chasing teachers around the field.]
Principal General Barrage: "Booyah!"
[Lee and Biffy skid to a stop by the edge of the football field.]
Lee: "Weird is one thing. But this is nuts! What's happened to them?"
Biffy: "Let's nab a teacher and find out. And we better do it before Barrage nails them all with that crazy tank!"
Professor Pennyearnt: [behind them] "Principal Robotface has taken my football team away. It's just not fair. Not fair at all."
[Lee and Biffy look at each other and smile.]
Lee: "Maybe we can help you start a new team."
Professor Pennyearnt: "Really? Yeah! Let's get out there on the field."
Biffy: "Hold on. If we're gonna take this seriously, we need to come up with some plays."
Professor Pennyearnt: "Gee, I never thought of that."
Lee: "Well, aren't you glad we're part of your team now?"
Professor Pennyearnt: "Very!"
Biffy: "Good! Then to the uh the-the playbook room!"
[Lee and Biffy take off. Professor Pennyearnt runs after them.]


[Tina is sitting in her crate when the door opens.]
Wurst: "Knock knock, company's here."
[A reaper throws Jenny into the crate.]
Tina: [angry] "You think you can just lock us up in a box and get away with it? I happen to be a respected journalist at A. Nigma High's top-rated news show. Okay, it's the only news show, but I am exposing all of this!"
Wurst: "Alexander Nigma would be proud." [sinisterly] "But you know too much now, so." [cheerful] "Toodles!"
Jenny: "Wait! No candy at least?"
Wurst: "Ha ha! That's the other guy!" [He throws them each a toothbrush and locks the door.]
Tina: [turning to Jenny] "Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry I couldn't warn you! They took my phone!"
Jenny: "Don't worry about that now." [the floor shifts] "Whoa! I think we're moving!"
Tina: [scared] "This just keeps getting worse."


[A picture of a lonely castle is being shown on the on-set TV. Holger drizzles cut up pieces of paper past it to simulate snow and plays the flute.]
Camillio: "Dude, why do you even have all this stuff?"
Holger: [whispering] "You never be knowing when you have to be teaching the masses between the good and the evil." [clearing his throat] "A-heh-heh-hem." [normally] "Okay everybody, this is the scary castle where evil live." [He changes the picture to that of a businessman getting rich off of selling Holger's bottled tears.] "His name Mister Bad News. He make money from people's tears!"
Chaz: "Bo-ring! Anyways, back to my show."
Holger: "You!" [He places a false, evil-looking moustache on Chaz's upper lip.] "You be quiet now! You are Mister Bad News!" [The door opens, and Cyrus walks in, wearing a false white beard, a Viking helmet, and carrying a large red bag.] "And here! Is the Viking Santa!"
[The class cheers. Cyrus tosses presents towards the students.]


[The playbook room is really the teacher's lounge.]
Professor Pennyearnt: "Can I just say boys, that these new running and passing routes are inspired!" [He takes a sip of tea.] "But, I'm feeling a bit tired from all of this excitement."
Biffy: [whispering] "That means it's working!" [The teacher looks at him oddly.] "I mean, it's time to take a rest. We'll keep planning."
Professor Pennyearnt: "Well! I don't mind if I do."
[Pennyearnt toddles over to a chair and sits down. He falls asleep almost instantly.]
Lee: [whispering] "See? What'd I tell ya? Chamomile tea plus teacher equals naptime, everytime."
Scanner: "Initiating sleep protocol."
[Lee and Biffy hide under the table as the scanner searches the room. This time, it misses them.]
Biffy: "Yes!" [passing Lee a breathing mask] "Now, get ready to rock."
Lee: "I'm not even gonna ask."
[Lee puts on the mask. Professor Pennyearnt's chair slides back and dumps him into the hole beneath it. At this moment, Barrage comes to the door.]


Holger: [walking over to Viking Santa] "Mister Music Player, can you be reading the sheet music?"
[The sheet that Holger hands Cyrus is a picture of Holger riding a unicorn running on a rainbow in outer space, with the only thing added being heart-shaped notes on the rainbow. Cyrus snaps his fingers, and Skeeter looks in and wordlessly tosses Cyrus his guitar. Cyrus begins playing "Jingle Bells" in C.]
Holger: [shouting over the music] "And Viking Santa make everyone happy but Mister Bad News is still wanting everyone to be sad!"
Chaz: [now moustacheless] "Seriously? People. Perfectly good ex-president to mock, sitting right here." [He points at Cam.]
Holger: "But that is only because he no liking the presents! That's okay. Because evil can no resist–"
[An oven dings. Holger smiles, goes over to it, and takes his dish out of the oven. Chaz sniffs the air.]
Chaz: [enthusiastic] "Is that flan?"


[Barrage throws open the door to the teachers lounge and pulls in a net containing two teachers.]
Ruthie: "This game's no fun! And the net chafes!"
Principal General Barrage: [softly] "Ask me if I give a cat's pajamas. Go ahead. Ask."
[Lee and Biffy are hiding under the table. Above them, Barrage throws the clones into the chairs.]
Principal General Barrage: [picking up the remote] "Now, I read them instructions on you clones. And it says that you're all acting bratty teenage loopdy-loo, 'cause you're not getting enough clone vittles!"
Ruthie: "Mmm. Clone vittles."
Principal General Barrage: [antagonized] "SHUT! IT!" [normally] "So, I'm gonna keep you in them recharge pods, until you're good and done. And no. More. FOOTBALL!"
[The principal affixes a gas mask to his face and presses a button on the remote. The teachers get sprayed with gas, and Barrage exits the room. Once he's gone, the teachers slide into their holes, and Lee and Biffy follow them down.]


[Everyone in class is having some of Holger's flan and enjoying it immensely.]
Chaz: "This is delicious flan!"
Camillio: "Dude! That was like the best!"
Holger: "That is important lesson for today's class. Viking Santa bring good to place sad by much evil and bad news. So no be mean! Eat flan instead!"
Chaz: "No idea what you're saying because I speak what they call English. But can you get me some more of this delectable flan?"
[Brandy bursts into the room, dressed as Carmen Brisante.]
Brandy: [singing] "Mister Bad News man, I'm here to make you pay! It's time to face the mighty wrath of Carmen Brisante!"
[Everyone stares at her, mouths agape.]
Brandy: [let down] "Really? I missed the whole thing?" [sniffing the air] "Is that flan?"
Chaz: "Dig in while it's hot, people! I'm Chaz Monerainian, and this scrumptious moment was brought to you, by me." [The students cheer.] "Flan! Flan! Flan! Flan!"


[Lee and Biffy topple out of the slides awkwardly and land in a chamber identical to the one under Brandy's home.]
Biffy: "Whoa. I think I've seen this horror movie before."
Lee: [pulling a tablet from out of the lunch lady's pod] "Look at this! Strength, dexterity, intelligence? It's all of her stats, like a video game! Weird." [He and Biffy walk to the control center in the middle of the room.] "This has all the sections laid out, and according to this, there's a space for every teacher in here."
[Lee walks off. Biffy fiddles with the controls.]
Biffy: "Uh, Lee? Did you see this?"
Lee: [walking along the pods] "Langhorne, Warhola–"
Biffy: "Lee, slow down, you might wanna–"
[Lee stops in front of a pod, gasps, and takes out the placard.]
Lee: "No! It can't be! Biffy, over here!"
Biffy: [awkwardly] "Yeah, I uh–" [He sighs and walks over to Lee.]
Lee: "It's a pod for–my–"
[The pod opens.]
Biffy: "Heads up! Barrage has a new batch on the way!"
[Two new teachers tumble into the pods: Mr. Rousseau and Mrs. Ping.]
Lee: "No! Mom!" [The pod shuts.] "It's impossible!"
Biffy: "Take it easy! Remember what happened to Petty?"
[Biffy remembers opening the teacher's pod and shaking him.]
Memory Biffy: "Mister Petty! Yo, wake AAAH!" [Mr. Petty crumbles into dust.]
Biffy: "We don't want your mom going poof."
Lee: "But it doesn't make any sense!"
Biffy: "I know. I-I-I'm sorry but, she's one of them, Lee."


[Tina and Jenny throw their shoulders against the side of the crate repeatedly.]
Tina: [tired] "Come on."
Jenny: "It's no use, it's too hard!"
Tina: "Yeah, you're right." [The side of the crate falls open.] "Whoa!" [They fall out.]
Tina and Jenny: [looking out the window] "AAAAHHH!"
[Tina and Jenny cling to each other as a large fish swims by outside.]
Tina: [scared] "Jenny, something tells me we're underwater."
Tina and Jenny: "AAAAHHHHH!"
Tina: "Help!"
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