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Script


[Barrage is unconscious and suspended by his arms so that he appears to be standing. A life support machine is next to him. His robotic leg is missing.]
Cassandra: "Let's see what he remembers. State current mission factors."
Principal General Barrage's Robotic Memory Bank: [as pictures flicker on a grid behind him] "Subject: Lee Ping was set up, to take the fall for the big school prank."
Cassandra: "Who was the prank mastermind?"
Principal General Barrage's Robotic Memory Bank: "Subject: Lynch Webber."
Cassandra: "Mmm-hmm. And why?"
Principal General Barrage's Robotic Memory Bank: "The prank was set up to get Subject: Barrage–" [emotional] "–fired!"
Cassandra: "For what reason?"
Principal General Barrage's Robotic Memory Bank: "So Subject: Vice Principal Victoria could run brainwashing experiments with the school."
Cassandra: "Hmm. And why?"
Principal General Barrage's Robotic Memory Bank: "Searching. Unknown."
Cassandra: "So, did she succeed?"
Principal General Barrage's Robotic Memory Bank: "Searching. Unknown."
Cassandra: "Power him down and wipe his memory."
Detentionaire

11:52 AM - Save The Rainforest Dance
[The dance is going strong; everyone is grooving and happy to be there.]
Lee: "It's not every day that you get expelled, and then have to sneak into school just to go to your own dance! But if one thing's for sure, there's just no such thing as a typical day at A. Nigma High."
Chaz: [reporting] "Welcome to the fall school dance, and I'm the one and only Chaz Monerainian hi, thanks. And this is–" [singing] "–Chaz's Corner!" [normally] "And I have breaking news." [He swoops down and reappears by Lee and Tina.] "Tina Kwee, average looking, news nerdy, eyes too close together with too many split ends to count, is actually dancing! And with infamous master of deception and pranks, the one, the only, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding, King Ping! Bad boy extraordinaire. So Lee–"
Brad: [interrupting] "Whoa whoa whoa, king? I'm king."
Chaz: [ignoring Brad] "Lee, are you and Brandy still an item? And if not, who broke up with who? And Tina, any reason you dance like that, did you sprain your spine or break one of your legs it's awful to watch."
[A conga line has formed. Biffy is at the end of the line.]
Tina: [upset] "You need to back off–"
Chaz: "Ennh, wrong again, Tina–" [The conga line passes by, and Biffy hip checks Chaz.] "Ow!"
Biffy: [unapologetic] "Sorry, wide hips, my bad!"
[Tina smiles at Lee and beckons him to bend down so they can talk.]
Tina: "So, for the record–" [less happy] "–what is the deal with you and Brandy?"
Lee: "Um–"
[The auditorium doors are thrown open.]
Mrs. Ping: [looking around angrily] "Okay. Who's the wiseguy who trapped me in crystal?"
[Biffy remembers how he had to trap a brainwashed Mrs. Ping in crystal. He gasps and makes a run for it.]
Lee: "Oh no! I kinda snuck out from home."
Tina: "Lemme guess, if she sees you, you're dead. Quick! Use me as cover!"
[Tina dances her way to an exit while Lee walks behind her, semi-obscured by her body.]
Lee: "Oh, for the record, Brandy and I–it's kinda over. Although, technically, it never really was–"
Tina: [pushing Lee out the door] "Yeah yeah, I'll read your biography later, go!"
[Lee darts off. His mom walks up behind Tina.]
Mrs. Ping: [loudly] "Have you seen Lee?"
[Meanwhile, Chaz has moved on to a fresh story.]
Chaz: "This just in for all you gossip hounds. Famed second-in-command Brandy, of the Glamazons, appears to be dancing with School President Camillio Martinez! Hot and spicy, par favor!" [coming up to them] "So what's the dealio, amigo?" [Brandy and Cam spring apart.] "You guys a couple? Doing the hot po-tat-o? Student minds wanna know!"
Camillio: "Um..." [He giggles nervously.]
Brandy: "Us?"
Camillio: "What?"
[In the rafters, a shadowy figure creeps up to a lever and pulls it down. The lights go out, and the students in the gym below scream in panic as chaos ensues. Lee, who was running for the school exit, stops at the doors when he hears the screaming.]
Lee: [to himself] "Forget it Lee, it's probably nothing. Right?" [He sighs and turns back.] "I am so gonna regret this!"
[Lee is probably right. In the gym, another prank of paint, pellets, and soggy mush has erupted.]
Kimmie: "My hair!"
Steve: "My eyes!"
Irwin: "It's another prank!"
[Lee throws open the doors immediately after the prank concludes. Everyone looks at him angrily.]
Lee: "Oh man, not again!"
[Brad is in the rafters, attached to a harness. He flips a thumbs-up to Dickie, who is at the DJ booth. Dickie turns on a track, and pounding action movie music plays.]
Brad: [flying] "Von Chillstein to the rescue-ue-ue-ue-awk!" [He hits a wall and slides down gracelessly.]
Camillio: [chuckling nervously] "Dude gets expelled and he still pranks us. Ping rules!"
[The dance explodes into cheers, and Steve picks Lee up and carries him on his shoulders. Everyone, even the mathletes and emos and the Down With Lee Club, cheers as Steve carries him around.]
Students: [cheering] "Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!"
Other Students: [simultaneously] "Lee Ping ru-les! Lee Ping ru-les! Lee Ping ru-les! Lee Ping ru-les!"
Brad: [upset] "No, I saved the day! I'm the hero! What're you cheering for him for?"
[The procession carrying Lee comes to a halt right in front of his mother. The look on her face silences the cheers. Steve sets him down in front of her, and she scowls at him with a look that could curdle milk.]
Lee: "I–can explain?"
7:55 AM
[Lee is dressed in a military uniform and dragging a heavy suitcase downstairs. His mother meets him there and adjusts his hat.]
Lee: "Mom, just call Principal Barrage, he'll explain everything. He saved us from–"
[Suddenly, Mrs. Ping bursts into tears.]
Lee: "Mom?"
Mrs. Ping: [tearful] "You think I want to send you to school in Alaska? No other school would take you. Who wants the prank master at their school?" [She cries.]
Lee: "But it wasn't me. Either time."
Mrs. Ping: "Your father will call you when he gets back from his business trip."
Lee: "You took my phone."
[Outside, a car horn honks.]
Mrs. Ping: "We'll call you online. Go. Your ride is here." [She hugs him.] "Mommy loves you."
[Soon, a black sedan pulls away from the house with Lee in the back seat. It makes a left turn.]
Lee: "Hey! It's a right to the airport. Hello?"
[The seats of the car have the Mann Wurst Finnwich logo monogrammed onto them.]
Lee: "The highway's the other way."
[Lee looks out the window and sees a broken down black car with a chauffeur on the phone. He gasps.]
Lee: [very quiet] "What?" [worried] "Stop the car! I–uh–forgot a bag."
[The doors lock. Lee grabs for the handle and finds it unwilling to give. He then glances into the rearview mirror and catches a glimpse of the driver's face. His driver is in a white hazmat suit.]
Lee: "No!"

[A streetcar speeds down the street.]
Holger: "Velcome to Operation: Hoffentoffen!" [He is riding with Cam and Greta.] "Cam, have you been booking zhe dogsled for Lee Ping of rescuetimes?"
Camillio: "Booked, stamped and mailed, ese! But I couldn't afford huskies, so we went with chihuahuas."
Greta: "You know, the dogsled could take us to the airport, but we might wanna book a flight from there."
Holger: [hugging her] "Oh-ho Greta! Always thinking! That's where the parachutes come in handy."
Camillio: "Okay just in case all this doesn't work, I'm gonna look for a loophole to spring Lee all legallike, yo." [determined] "Okay School Charter book, we meet again. And–uh–ugh! So many pages and words, it's like, I get it, man, you're a book!"
[Biffy walks onto the streetcar, working on his phone.]
Holger: "Oh, goodie!" [He runs up to Biffy and hugs him.] "Agent Biffy, your hat size, for ze laserproof helmets?"
Biffy: [shoving Holger away] "Back it up, lanky! Who said you could talk to me?"
Holger: [scared and confused] "But i–but–we are friends now! You, me, Cam, Lee?"
Biffy: [walking towards them] "Two things. One: I don't have friends. Two: Face facts. Ping's history."
[Holger bursts into tears. Greta gets up and hugs him comfortingly.]
Greta: [to Biffy] "Did you really have to do that?"
Biffy: "Whatever, it's over, end of scene. The dishes are done, chilled, and Ping is off the menu. Case closed."
[Biffy walks to the back of the bus and takes a seat. Behind him, a black car crosses by on another street.]


Lee: [pounding on the separator] "C'mon, open up!" [A light turns red, and Lee's face smashes into the panel. He rubs his jaw and looks at his suitcase.] "Worked in a McSlam movie I saw once. Worth a–" [He smashes the suitcase through the separating panel, smashing it.] "–shot!"
[Lee leaps into the passenger seat, throws the door open, and runs out as the car skids to a halt. The cleaner gets out as well, pulls out a crystalizing gun, and fires at Lee's receding form. The first shot hits a newspaper stand, so the hazmat takes aim again. Right before it pulls the trigger, the Red Tazelwurm appears out of nowhere, wraps its tail around the robot's legs, and yanks. The cleaner falls backwards and fires its gun straight up. The crystal goo soon loses its upward momentum, and gravity takes over. It plummets towards the ground and smacks into the hazmat, encasing it in a wad of crystal. The Red Tazelwurm runs up to Lee and leaps into his arms, where it licks Lee's face.]
Lee: [happy] "Whoa-ho-ho-okay, kinda gross. But thanks for the save." [He sets the Red Tazelwurm down.] "Now what? I don't have a next move."
[The Red Tazelwurm grabs a trashcan lid and holds it with its right claw as it walks. Lee laughs.]
Lee: [cheered up] "Barrage." [getting an idea] "Of course! He can tell everyone the truth! That it's all been a mix-up! He's my only hope."
[The Red Tazelwurm swats at the suitcase with its tail, knocking it open and revealing Lee's skateboard.]


[At school, the morning news has come on.]
Tina: "Good morning, I'm Tina Kwee!"
Chaz: "And I'm handsome. And in more important news, actually, is there really anything more important than that?"
Tina: [rolling her eyes] "Ugh, does anyone feel like something weird occurred at the dance? As in strange memory blackouts?"
Chaz: "Okay that's boring!"
Tina: "Uh–"
Chaz: "How about the second big prank? I know who did it. And I'll tell ya who, coming right up on–" [singing] "–Chaz's Corner!" [normally] "In your face, Tina!"
[Lee runs past a television in the halls just as Chaz makes his announcement.]
Lee: "Yeah. Who did do that second prank, Lynch? Guh, forget it. Gotta focus." [He runs into the principal's office.] "Barrage! Everything is seriously messed up, you gotta–"
[The principal spins his chair around. Instead of Barrage, Blompkins is sitting there.]
Lee: "What the–"
Principal Blompkins: "Messed up indeed. Or perhaps perfectly fitted, like a snug pair of my favorite alpine timber clogs!" [He holds up his foot to demonstrate.] "Sooooo luxurious."
Lee: "Superintendent Blompkins?!?"
Principal Blompkins: "Correction. Principal Blompkins. And you of course are Lee Ping. Prankster criminal!"
Lee: "Where's Barrage?!?"
Principal Blompkins: "He is not your concern. Vat is your concern, is zat you're not welcome on campus!" [He presses a button on a decorative windmill.] "Miss Glutenfrau. Fetch Mrs. Ping. I'm sure she vould vant to know ze vereabouts of zis no-good trespasser, right away!" [He laughs.] "Yes. Looks like the fearless Lee Ping may be afraid of one sing after all. ZE POWER, OF CLOGS!" [He laughs evilly.]


[Soon, Blompkins' secretary comes back with a response.]
Miss Glutenfrau: "Inspector Blompkins, Mrs. Ping has an appointment and won't be in until nine ten."
Principal Blompkins: [to Lee] "Fine. Zen you vill sit, and vait. Sit!"
Lee: "Wait a sec. I'm expelled..."
Principal Blompkins: [terse] "Yes! Zat is quite assured! And vat is also assured, is that you. Vill. Sit!"
Lee: [thinking it over] "Then you're not my principal, and–hah, you can't really tell me what to do. So, uh, let me think, heh, I'm just gonna go." [He runs out of the office.]
Principal Blompkins: "Run, Mister Ping! It doesn't matter! Because at precisely nine ten A.M., your mozher will arrive!" [quieter] "And you, my friend, are most definitely, finished!"


[Tina and Chaz are still doing the news.]
Tina: "Seriously, there were these tunnels, under the school? I was encased in crystal, and Barrage–" [She remembers how Barrage saved her and Lee.]
Lee: [in the hall] "Wait. Maybe he's still down in the tunnels. I gotta find him!" [He runs off.]
Chaz: "Hey Tina, no one cares. We don't wanna hear your crazy conspiracy theories. They wanna know who the mastermind behind the latest and greatest prank is."
[Lee is sneaking down the hall when he hears cleaners approaching. He hides in a vent, and the robots pass by, each carrying a box. While in the vent, he catches more of the broadcast.]
Chaz: "Ladies and gentlemen of A. Nigma High. I present the new prank master, Brad Von Chillenstein!"
Lee: "Seriously? Brad?"
Brad: [onscreen] "Hi. I'm so glad how you brought up how the second prank was so much better than Lee's lame-o first one. Mine was like, the Mona Lisa of pranks. Von Chillstein can top anything!"
Tina: "Brad, question." [grinning wickedly] "Since you just admitted on schoolwide TV that you did the prank, how do you plan on spending your year of detention? Or I guess since you can top anything, your two year of detentions?"
Brad: [worried] "Heh heh. Well. Uh. Ahem. Eh. Totally pranked ya! I didn't do the prank. April Fools! Ha! You lamewads are so gullible!"
Lee: "Idiot!" [He moves down the vents.]


[Principal Blompkins is in the cafeteria with the two crates the cleaners were carrying. In the crates are several pairs of clogs.]
Principal Blompkins: [clapping his hands] "Okay, kinders! Settle! Say hello to your new Herr Principal. Hello, and guten tag. Now, zere are three golden rules under my vatch. Hmm? Ready? Vun. No fripple-frapple. Two. No phones." [He snatches a student's phone away.]
Brunette with Sunglasses: "Hey!"
Principal Blompkins: "And shree, all students must vear clogs."
[The students gasp.]
Tall Blonde Girl: "What?"
Principal Blompkins: "Now, line up."


[Soon, the principal is handing out clogs. He gives Stepak a pair.]
Stepak: "Aw, clogs? How do you put them on?"
[Meanwhile, Cam is looking through the school charter.]
Brandy: "I thought you were the great El Presidente. Can't you do something? These feet, are not touching clogs."
Camillio: "How come when you need something from me, you're all over me, but you didn't return any of my textes like all weekend long!"
Kimmie: "Okay, you know what? I so don't care about your little lover's spat. 'Kay?"
Camillio: "I don't love her!"
Brandy: [at the same time] "I don't love him!" [after a pause] "Wait, you don't?"
Camillio: [at the same time] "Whatcha what?"
Kimmie: [to Cam] "You're the president. Fix this." [She shoves him towards Blompkins.] "These shoes cost more than your outfit, and they're not coming off."
[Evan gets his pair of clogs and moves on. Cam walks up to the principal.]
Camillio: "Okay, new principal guy. Blompkins, right? Okay, did I say that okay? Okay. Hi. I'm school prez, and we the students, are like mucho outraged and stuff, ohnkay? There's no way we're wearing those wooden things, man! Uh-uh! It ain't happening bro!"
Principal Blompkins: "Oh, is zat so."
Holger: "Ja, it is so so. Holger never wear ugly dangerous ridiculous fashion faux pas clunky footwear."
Principal Blompkins: "I'll make zis simple. Clogs, or detention. Your choice! Anyvun else have a problem?"
[Everyone else in the cafeteria groans.]
Camillio: "Aw! C'mon peeps, I'm like doing this for you!"
Principal Blompkins: "It seems you've been vetoed."
[The principal holds out a pair of clogs to Cam.]
Camillio: "Um..."
[Cam remembers his foot odor problem, and how he refuses to take off his shoes because of it.]
Camillio: [declarative] "Not gonna do it! And not because I have a horrible foot odor problem that can't be cured by medicine or the best doctors in the world."
Holger: "Me agree vun hundred percent. Except part about Cam's horrible foot odor."
Principal Blompkins: "Fine. Zen you will suffer ze consequences."


[Lee is currently running through the tunnels under the school. Suddenly, a door opens, and he crams himself against the wall. Two hazmats walk by carrying cardboard boxes.]
Lee: "Whoa. What are they doing?" [He runs into the brainwashing room and finds it empty.] "They cleared everything out!" [He runs over to the wall.] "No! They've bricked this up?" [He remembers how that was where the hovercraft tunnel was.] "How do I find Barrage now? Think, Lee. Running out of time before Mom gets here."


[Lee's mother is sitting under a hair dryer.]
Mrs. Ping: [singing to herself] "Na, nay nye esta nan..."


[Biffy is in detention. He has put his cat in a judge's wig.]
Biffy: "Cats and gentlemen of the court, Exhibit A." [He holds up his phone.] "My phone. The very same phone every student was issued by one VP Victoria, known, recently foiled, evildoer." [The cat meows.] "Objection! And this very same phone I happen to know firsthand my parents helped design and make." [He remembers being in the same room as they worked on it.] "So Your Honor, nonexistent jury members, I ask you, are my parents evil?" [The cat meows.] "Overruled! You're out of order!" [Behind Biffy, a cleaner pushes Cam and Holger into detention.]
Holger: "Oh goodie." [clapping] "Holger want to play Order In Court too. Holger be most bestest witness ever."
Biffy: "Uh, what're you guys doing here?"
Camillio: "Long story, we were–"
Holger: [smacking Cam] "Order In Court! Holger in vitness box, not Cam." [pulling up a chair] "Holger answer question. First, there was many arguments about the clogs. Then, Cam's foot odor problem, now the shame of detention! Holger can't bear it!" [He fakes crying.] "No, he won't!"
Lee: "Uh, guys?" [They look up.]
Holger: [happy] "The Lee of Pings!" [Lee is sticking his head out of the vents.]
Lee: "In the flesh." [He drops to the floor.]
Holger: "But–but–aren't you to be in Alaska? Unless...this eez Alaska. Oh, Holger must rush to the store and purchase the most vooliest of coats. And the most fuzziest of hats."
[Holger moves to leave, but Lee grabs him and holds him back.]
Lee: "It's–not Alaska, Holger. And I need all of your help."
Biffy: "How'd you know we were–"
Lee: "Here? Heard your voices."
Camillio: "Why were you in the–"
Lee: "Vents? Look, I only have like an hour to fix things, so–"
Camillio: "Wait." [He holds up the Student Council book.] "I don't have to read this anymore?" [He tosses it away.] "Fiesta time bro, we are so in!"
Biffy: "So what's the plan?"
Lee: "Yeah well, that's the tricky part."
Biffy: "No plan? Typical. What's the objective?"
Lee: "Find Barrage. He's the only person that can clear everything up. Or I'll be facing the cold of Alaska for sure."
Holger: "Don't vorry." [singsong] "You can borrow Holger's coat!" [happy] "Hee hee it's so wooly!"
Biffy: "You need info on Barrage? Go to the source. His office. There's gotta be something there to point the way."
Lee: "Not bad, not great. But my mom took my phone, and Blompkins'll be in the office for sure." [Biffy heads towards the teacher's desk.]
Camillio: "No way, dude's in the caf giving out clogs."
[Biffy pulls out a phone from a desk drawer and tosses it to Lee.]
Biffy: "Sync it up, hotshot! Time to rock."
Holger: "And time to disco party maybe a teensy bit, ja?"
[The four friends hold out their phones and sync them together.]


[Biffy is monitoring the trio from detention as they sneak through the vents.]
Biffy: "It's coming up on the left and straight down!"
[Lee and Holger drop cleanly into the principal's office. Cam isn't as graceful, and he lands uncomfortably.]
Lee: [helping Cam up] "Ah, not as easy as it looks, is it?"
Biffy: "Boom, you're in!" [He laughs.] "Still got it. Okay, search the place, find anything, secret files, his home address, anything that leads us to him."
Lee: "Whoa, Barrage's cameras!" [He turns them on.] "How do I rewind?" [fiddling with the joystick] "Wait, got it. Okay, this morning. The weekend–" [He sees a janitor dancing with his mop.] "Guh, okay. Wow, everything before Friday's been erased! I'll just go–" [He cuts to the dance.] "Okay, Friday. The dance, and–" [Changing cameras, he gets the storage room for the cleaners.] "Wow, there are cameras for the tunnels?" [He sees an unconscious Barrage get taken away in the abandoned subway tunnel.] "Barrage! Okay, should be right after this." [The hovercraft moves down the tunnel.] "So, where're they taking him?" [The sound of cleaners is heard.] "Psycho robot cleaners!"
Biffy: "Abort mission!"
[Two cleaners are heading towards the principal's office. Holger props himself against the door below its window to try and stop them without being seen.]


[The cleaners open the door just after Lee and his friends have crammed into a vent.]
Biffy: "Close one, dudes!"
[The cleaners put their boxes on the principal's desk.]
Camillio: [whispering] "Yo. What are they like, doing now?"
[The cleaners are packing a bunch of stuff from the office into the boxes.]
Biffy: "You have less than twenty minutes before mommy Ping arrives. Better do something. Now."
[The cleaners place Barrage's computer in a box.]
Lee: [whispering] "I need that computer! I was about to see where they took Barrage!"
[The cleaners walk out with the boxes. When they pass by the vents, Lee drops the phone into it.]
Lee: "You trackin'?"
Biffy: "Roger dodger. Now head back and make your first right."
[Lee turns to his friends.]
Lee: "Guys. I need you to get back down into that room and see if they forgot something. Anything."
Holger: [saluting] "Aye aye. Operation: Something Anything in effect."
Camillio: [bumping fists with Lee] "Yeah."
[Lee leaves. Biffy guides him through the vents.]
Biffy: "Straight. Straight. Keep going! Turn left!"
[Lee comes across two crystal-encased blue tazelwurms.]
Lee: "Whoa."
[The tazelwurms are the work of Biffy, who encased them in crystal on Friday.]
Past Biffy: [taking a crystal gun from the Red Tazelwurm] "Full blast!"
[Biffy shot the gun at them, caging them. Today, Lee tries to sneak by.]
Lee: "Hey guys, I'm just gonna–" [The crystal prison shatters.] "Gah, guess it was only a matter of time!"
[Lee moves wildly through the vent system, trying to evade the blue tazelwurms.]
Biffy: "Hey, where are you going?!?"
Lee: "Change of plans. I need a way out. Like, now!"


[Cam and Holger have not found anything.]
Camillio: "Aw, man! Like what's the point? They got like everything, as if we're ever gonna–"
[Cam trips on a loose floorboard that was formerly covered up by an evenly cut out patch of carpet that has rolled back. He moves the board aside and spots a money clip that holds some money and Barrage's personal information.]
Camillio: "Whoa-ho-ho! Barrage's ID, man!" [looking at the money] "And I guess we might want to take this too, you know what I'm saying?" [Holger scowls at him.] "Okay, we put the money back. But maybe we just take a like a little, you know, just like to buy some sweet new headphones?" [Holger continues to frown.] "Oh man!"
[Suddenly, the yellow-suited clog loving principal throws the door open.]
Principal Blompkins: [upset] "Vat are you doing in here!?! You are you are you are supposed to be in detention!"
Camillio: "Uh...well...Holger um, tell him."
Holger: [cheerful] "Ve vere on secret spy mission for L–" [He realizes he wasn't supposed to be honest and puts his hand over his mouth. Cam giggles nervously and takes the lead.]
Camillio: "What my man Holger was trying to say, is, we, uh–" [spotting a clog in Holger's hands] "–totally want those clogs, man! They are the bomb! So, do you have like a pair for us? Maybe ones with like cute little windmills painted on them?" [He chuckles nervously.]


[Lee leaps out of a vent and into the hallway. A blue tazelwurm tries to stick its head out, but Lee leaps onto a recycling container and holds the vent cover shut.]
Lee: "C'mon, you love the vents! You don't wanna come out here in the non-vent world." [He sees a bystander watching.] "Hey–uh–you, guy from the Genius Club, can I borrow your clogs?"
Short Boy: [happy] "Ping knows who I am? You got it!" [He hands Lee a clog.]
Lee: "Thanks buddy." [He slams the clog into the vent cover, bending it and trapping the tazelwurm behind the barrier. He then taps his earpiece.] "Biff? I got like maybe a minute after I leave before this monster gets out. Where's the computer now?"
[Mrs. Rumplekittykat purrs and bats at a green dot on Biffy's computer screen.]
Biffy: "Not now RKK, this is the climax!" [He notices what the cat was batting at.] "Oh-ho-ho you were helping! My bad." [The cat bats at the dot again.] "They're in the parking lot. Thanks kitty."
Lee: "On it."
[Lee runs off to take care of business. The blue tazelwurm throws the vent cover open, and the clog in it goes flying and bashes its owner on the head. The tazelwurm leaps out, and the boy who helped Lee loses consciousness.]


[Cam and Holger are seated in the principal's office. Blompkins sniffs the air.]
Principal Blompkins: "Vat is zat terrible smell?"
Camillio: [quickly] "Bad filter system! Uh, or something. Anyways. It was great chilling with you dude, but we gotta go."
Principal Blompkins: "Von't you join me for warm yak milk?" [holding up a pitcher and some cups] "Clogs and the milk of a vild mountain beast. Is zere anysing better?"
[On Barrage's monitor, Lee walks through the parking lot. Cam, who is currently facing them, notices and gets scared; Blompkins, who is not facing them, does not see Lee.]
Holger: "Mmm. Most delicious!" [He takes a sip, spots Lee, and spittakes. He goes over to obstruct the principal's view of the monitor.] "Uh, but perhaps cider of valley flora could perhaps be a smidgen better? Uh maybe? Perhaps? Possibly?"
[Blompkins calmly gets up, pulls Holger to the side, and looks at the monitor.]
Principal Blompkins: "Ah-ha!" [Mrs. Ping's car pulls into the parking lot.] "Lee Ping and Mrs. Ping. Gentlemen, I vish you a good day. I have a certain victory to gloat over. Enjoy ze complimentary yak milk and see yourselves out."


[Lee is running himself ragged.]
Lee: [panting] "Where in the lot?"
Biffy: "By the back. But the blip is moving fast. Like way too fast. Like its–"
[A truck zooms past Lee.]
Lee: "In a truck?" [The skaters roll by.] "Score a board?"
[Zed stops, fist-bumps Lee, and hands his board over. Lee takes off after the truck and has almost reached its rear bumper when a blue tazelwurm tackles him. Lee's mom stops her car before she can hit her downed son, and the blue tazelwurm takes off. She steps out just as Blompkins arrives.]
Mrs. Ping: [shocked] "Lee?!?"


[Lee and his mother have been dragged into the principal's office.]
Mrs. Ping: "He was supposed to already be on a plane to his new school."
Principal Blompkins: "If you ask me, I say Alaska isn't far enough. He is the vurst kind of student! Rotten to ze core. Abysmal. He should be punished. He-he should be banished! He should be taken out be–"
[Suddenly, the windmill on his desk beeps, and a tune plays as the base of the windmill spits out a slip of paper. Blompkins takes it.]
Principal Blompkins: "Excuse me." [He reads the slip.] "Nuh! Veh." [turning to Mrs. Ping] "And he should be velcomed back to school wiz open arms!"
Lee and Mrs. Ping: "What?"
Principal Blompkins: "Boys vill be boys. Now, let us let bygones be bygones, and have some yak milk to celebrate, and tomorrow, come back to school as per normal. Yes?"
Mrs. Ping: "But you just said I wha I don't understand!"
Principal Blompkins: "Eight fifteen, don't be late. Now, let's take a rain check on ze yak milk celebration. I'm far too busy wiz many principal duties. So, good day to you both, and see you tomorrow. Oh!" [He hands over a pair of clogs.] "And don't forget your regulation footvear!"
[Lee and Mrs. Ping leave the office. Behind them, Blompkins scowls at the slip of paper and puts it through the spinning windmill, which shreds it.]


[Lee is having dinner in his room.]
Mrs. Ping: [handing him a bowl] "Your favorite! Hot and sour soup!"
Lee: [taking the bowl] "Thanks Mom."
Mrs. Ping: "But you know, I could still send you to military school for everything you did today. But I'm so glad you don't have to leave."
Lee: "But–Mom. I don't get it. Who set me free? And what about de-ten-tion? Do I still have that?"
Mrs. Ping: [exiting the room] "You worry too much! But you're definitely still grounded."
Lee: "Aw." [His computer beeps, and a video chat window opens.]
Camillio: "Dude! Check it. Barrage's ID, yo." [He holds it up to the camera.] "With, his home address."
Lee: "Nice one!" [He takes a screenshot of it.] "So, who's in for a pre-school ex-principal excursion?"
Mrs. Ping: [outside] "Lights out." [She turns them off.]
Lee: "We'll work out the details tomorrow." [He closes the chat window and looks at the picture of Barrage's ID.] "Don't worry Barrage. I'll find you."
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