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Script


Lee: "Ever since I was framed for pulling the biggest prank ever, I've spent every waking second trying to track down who did this too me. Then Radcircles, as he likes to call himself, turns out to be my best friend." [A picture of a demonic Cam is shown.] "Cam. I really wish it wasn't true, but here's what I know." [He brings up clues on his computer screen.] "Clue one: Cam destroyed the prank footage that showed him switching my bag. Clue two: Trevor saw Cam acting all weird in the rafters during the prank. Well, weirder than usual. Clue three: Cam's shoeprint matched the potato flake print in the rafters, which proved he was up there during the prank." [He brings up a picture of him, Cam, and Holger hanging out together.] "So now that I know Cam is Radcircles, it's time to bust him and clear my name. But how exactly?"
Detentionaire

4:21:12 PM
Lee: "At 4:15, detention gets out. Normally I'd go straight home 'cause I'm grounded, but today, isn't a normal day."
[Principal General Barrage is strutting around the stage in the auditorium. Beth is onstage as well, as are Tina and Chaz, both of whom are seated behind a table. Everyone is looking up.]
Crowd: [cheering] "Go Cam! Go Lee!"
Principal General Barrage: [irate] "YOU TWO GET DOWN HERE THIS MINUTE! THAT IS A DI-RECT ORDER!"
[Lee and Cam are up in the rafters.]
Lee: "Okay Radcircles, this ends now."
Camillio: [charging at him] "AHHHHHHHHHH!"
Earlier that day...8:04 AM
[Biffy and Kimmie are walking past the football field. They have brought their pets with them.]
Kimmie: "We haven't walked to school together in like, a million years."
Biffy: "It's really more like three, but who's counting?"
Kimmie: "Awesome leash! Where'd ya get it?"
Biffy: "I, uh, sorta made it?"
Kimmie: [disbelieving] "You made this? Please. You could never make something this cool. The only thing you're good at, is wearing that dumb hat."
Biffy: "Whatever. Like you're so much better than me."
Kimmie: "Actually, I am." [She puts her dog in her purse.] "I'm better at being pretty, popular, manipulative, not wearing dumb hats–oh, wait. There is one thing you're better at. Eating my dust!" [She kicks dirt into Biffy's face and runs off.]
Biffy: [coughing] "Hey! Hey you cheated!"
Lee: [popping out of a bush] "Who cheated?"
Biffy: [fast] "Nobody cheated, I wasn't talking to anyone." [realizing] "Uh, what're you doing there?"
Lee: "I'm using the ninja route to avoid running into Cam. I just can't deal with the whole my best friend set me up for the prank thing."
Biffy: [awkward] "Ffft, yeah, uh, speaking of avoiding, you know that whole not wanting people to know I have friends thing?" [He puts his cat in his backpack.]
Lee: [nodding] "Gotcha. I'll count to ten." [Biffy begins walking away.] "One. Two. Three..."

[Holger enters school normally.]
Tina: [over the intercom] "Would the following students report to Room 113b? Lou Black, Deuce Markowitz and Jenny Jergens."
[Lee spots Holger and attempts to get his attention.]
Lee: "Holg. Holg? Holger!" [He taps Holger's shoulder to get his attention.]
Holger: [scared] "Oh, forfluefen! Oh! HI LEE!"
Lee: "Why are you yelling?"
Holger: [pointing at his ears] "PANCAKE EARPLUGS!"
Lee: [taking the earplugs out] "Why?"
Holger: "My ears are sad from listening about bad Cam. And pancake makes me happy."
Lee: "Holger, I tried to tell you this last night. His shoeprint matched the–" [Holger puts up his hand.] "Okay, okay! No more bad-talking Cam."
Holger: "Yay!" [pulling a pancake out of his backpack] "Take ze friendship pancake."
Lee: [taking a piece] "Ugh. Thanks Holg. I'll uh, cherish this until it goes bad, which I'm pretty sure was yesterday."
[Holger giggles happily. Meanwhile, Cam is hanging with the cool kids.]
Camillio: "And I was all, no way hombre, that piñata is a toilet!"
Kimmie: "Hey, has anyone seen Brad today? His locker is looking especially decorative."
[Two bouquets of roses, a lit candle, and a picture of Brad are sitting outside of his locker.]
Dickie: "He's at home, with the cold." [Several female mourners are seen.]
Brandy: "Or the cooties! He was hanging out with ew, Tina, at his pool party." [The popular kids laugh. The news comes on.]
Tina: "Good morning A. Nigma High, I'm Tina Kwee."
Chaz: "And do not attempt to adjust your monitors. Chaz Monerainian is back, news fans! So you can all stop picketing for my return."
Tina: "No one picketed for your return."
Chaz: "Yes they did. They did." [He holds up a bad drawing of stick figures picketing and voices them in falsetto.] "Bring back Chaz! Bring back Chaz, we want Chaz back!"
Tina: "Rrright. Anyway, all students are to head to the gym for a special mandatory assembly."


[In the assembly, Lee and Holger are some of the last to arrive.]
Camillio: "Holg! Over here! I saved you a spot, dude!" [Lee and Holger walk up to him.] "Oh. You're with him. Well forget about it."
[Holger groans, breaks off a piece of his pancake, and hands it to Cam.]
Lee: "Feeling guilty? I have your shoeprint encased in potato flakes! Just admit you're Radcircles!"
Camillio: "Aw, man, this again? Holg, back me up, bro!"
Holger: [stuffing pancake in his ears] "I GAVE FRIENDSHIP PANCAKE TO CAM, SO IT'S EVEN SVENSON! OKAY?"
Lee: "YOU MEAN EVEN STEVEN?"
Holger: "WHO?"
[The speakers let out a screech of static. The principal has taken control of the microphone.]
Principal General Barrage: "Every year, Election Week lets students turn the school into their own personal Christmas tree. But this year, Election Week is Election Day. If you don't like it, go cry to your mamas. Whaa! Whaa!"
Kimmie: [shocked] "Today? But Brad's sick today. Who can we get to replace him?"
Irwin: [standing up] "I nominate Beth!"
Beth: "Thanks!" [spitting as she speaks] "If I'm elected president, I promise a wizard-themed prom."
Nerd: [cheering] "Yay!" [He sits back down.]
Kimmie: [annoyed] "Wizards? Dickie, do something."
Dickie: "Why don't you run?"
Kimmie: "Moi? Uch. All those meetings and remembering losers names? Gross." [She looks at Dickie.]
Dickie: "Don't look at me, I prefer to pull the strings. We need a puppet."
[Kimmie scans her classmates and spots Cam sniffing his pancake piece.]
Kimmie: "Bingo." [standing up] "I'd like to nominate Chameleon Fartine–" [Dickie whispers in her ear.] "Camillio Martinez!"
Camillio: [flattered] "M-m-me? Oh really aw shucks, you guys." [standing on his chair] "Okay everybody when I say Cam, you say Illio. Cam!"
Crowd: [scattered voices] "Illio!"
Camillio: "I can't hear you!"
Crowd: [many voices] "Illio!"
Holger: [gazing at his pancake] "Ah. Even Svenson." [getting an idea] "Then I throw nomination hat for Lee Ping!"
Lee: [surprised] "Me? No. No way. Uh-uh. I'm flattered by the nomination but I'd like to retract my name."
Principal General Barrage: "De-nied!"
Lee: "What? Why?"
Principal General Barrage: "'Cause that'd make you happy. And I like to do the opposite. Because that would make me happy! So, the choices for class president are: Beth, Cam, and Lee Ping! What a soppy bunch of sippity sad-sacks."


[Students file out of the auditorium after the assembly.]
Lee: "Holg, what were you thinking?"
Holger: "It's not fair to friendship to help only Cam. Must all be even. Then no one has the upper finger. Ja?"
Camillio: "Look, guys. It's the future non-class prez." [Cam and his new friends are behind Lee.]
Lee: "Hey, I don't even wanna win."
Camillio: [antagonistic] "Good, 'cause you won't!"
Lee: "Good."
Camillio: "Great!"
[The popular kids leave. Tina walks up.]
Tina: "Lee!"
Lee: "Tina! Ahem. I mean, Tina."
Tina: "Oh, I have good news about the election!"
Lee: "I'm not actually gonna run."
Tina: "You will after I tell you this! I checked the school charter: whoever's the school president can't get detention!"
Lee: "Wait. So if I win the election I'll get outta detention?"
Tina: "Yep."
Lee: [moving to embrace her] "Did I ever tell you you're the greatest?" [Tina chuckles nervously and evades him, and they shake hands instead.] "Uh..." [Tina walks away.] "Ugh! Why'd I have to go in for the hug? Now she thinks I like her!"
Holger: [confused] "But you do have zhe like for her."
Lee: "Yeah, but this is high school. Someone knowing you like them is like the worst thing. Ya gotta play it cool."
Holger: [catching on] "Ohhh."
[Greta walks by and wiggles her eyebrow at Holger. Holger pretends not to notice her, and she angrily leaves. Holger gasps.]
Holger: "Now I was just playing zhe cool!" [He runs after her. Lee's phone beeps with a message from Radcircles.]
Lee: "Radcircles!" [reading] "It looks like the race for Prez is on, too bad you don't have a chance?" [replying] "Oh yeah? We'll see about that, Cam!"


[Cam is in a deserted classroom with Brandy, Dickie, and Kimmie. Brandy is handing him hats.]
Brandy: [responding to a straw hat] "Too farmer." [responding to a newsboy cap] "Too British orphan." [a cowboy hat] "Too vice president."
Camillio: "Uh, your advice is like mucho appreciated, but shouldn't you be helping He Who Will Not Be Named?"
Brandy: "He took Tina Dweeb to Brad's pool party. We're in like a major fight." [She places a feathered fedora on Cam's head.]
Kimmie: [tossing the hat away] "Brandy! Enough hats already."
Brandy: "You're right! I'll grab some ties." [She walks off to get them.]
Kimmie: "So Cam. As Lee's former BFF, you must have loads of dirt on him."
Dickie: "Cough it up! Does he have bad gas, criminal record, is he a country music lover."
Camillio: "Forget Lee, man! Let's focus on how awesome I am. I'm a good rapper, I wear my headphones all cool, look how low my pants are dude!"
Kimmie: "Ucch, pass."
Dickie: "Those are all really good ideas, Cam. But elections aren't about showing yourself off. They're about burying your opponent in lies."
Kimmie: "Yeah. What he said. Now let's make an awesome smear campaign."


[Brandy is looking at ties in the hall when she spots Holger.]
Brandy: "Holger!" [Holger stops.] "You're Cam's BFF. Which tie do you think would look best."
Holger: "Hmm." [He takes a closer look.] "Mice! Make Cam's eyes go squeak!"
Brandy: "You've been a big help!" [walking away] "Vote Cam!"
[Holger gasps and nervously begins gnawing on a pancake.]
Holger: [scared] "I helped Cam. Now I must give Lee help, so everysing even Svenson."


[The news comes on again. Chaz and Tina have an announcement to make.]
Tina: "We've got the election schedule. At twelve, there's meet-and-greet in the caf. At four-fifteen the debates, and at four-thirty, voting."
[Lee's phone buzzes.]
Lee: "Radcircles!" [reading] "Wait till you see this." [on edge] "See what?"
Chaz: "And here's the first campaign ad." [He chuckles.] "Finally, some juicy mudslinging."
[The television fizzles static and soon resolves into an ad.]
Dickie: [voiceover] "Lee Ping is a professional prankster, and he's got the night school diploma to prove it."
Kimmie: [woodenly] "I am so hungry. I cannot wait to eat this can of peanuts." [She opens the can, and a spring-loaded snake pops out and hits her in the face.] "Oh no my eye. Lee Ping's prank has blinded me."
Dickie: [voiceover] "Who's next? Vote for Lee and it just might be you."
[The ad concludes, and everyone in Lee's class looks at him suspiciously.]
Lee: "Okay Camcircles." [replying to the message] "Two can play at that game."


[Lee is walking through the halls when Kimmie intentionally runs into him and sticks a button to his shirt. An ink packet hidden in her shirt explodes, staining it blue and framing Lee as a prankster.]
Kimmie: "Watch it!" [feigning shock] "OMG. Look, everyone. Lee sprayed ink on my designer sweater with his prank boutineer!"
Lee: "My prank what?" [He touches it, and it squirts ink into his face.] "Nice, Kimmie. What are you, Cam's campaign manager or something?"
[Barrage's spying robot floats up behind Lee, and the principal is quick to arrive on the scene.]
Principal General Barrage: "Have those little mice stopped turning the wheel in your brain? It's lunch. You have detention."
Lee: "But–everyone else is campaigning in the caf! How am I supposed to win?"
Principal General Barrage: "Yer not. Good luck campaigning from the detention room." [He chuckles.]


[When Lee gets to detention, Biffy is there waiting for him.]
Biffy: "What happened to your face?"
Lee: [bitter] "Kimmie happened to my face."
Biffy: [feigning disinterest] "Really? Kimmie, huh?"
Lee: "Yeah, she's Cam's campaign manager and she's pulling dirty moves."
Biffy: "Hmm." [to himself] "I'll show her who's better at stuff." [to Lee] "Meet your new campaign manager! So what're we gonna attack first, huh, Cam's stinky feet, or his fake gangsta persona?"
Lee: "Neither, since I'm in here and the meet-and-greet's in the caf."
Biffy: [steepling his fingers] "Leave that to Uncle Biffy."
Lee: "What're you doing?"
Biffy: "Strategizing. Some people use thinking caps, I have evil genius finger taps."
Holger: [running into the room] "Lee! The cafeteria is happy Camtown. I need to make Even Svenson."
Biffy: "I've got an idea."


[In the cafeteria, Cam is essentially running unopposed.]
Cheerleaders: "Vote for Cam! He's our man! His legs are short but he's got big plans! Woohoo!"
[Near the front of the cafeteria, Zed walks up to the mathletes, who are handing out promotional protractors.]
Zed: [eyeing it] "Cool boomerang."
Irwin: "It's a math protractor in the shape of Beth's mouth?"
Zed: "Cool mouth boomerang." [He hurls it across the lunchroom. The Red Tazelwurm snags it out of midair and swallows it.]
Beth: [making a speech] "If I am prez, there'll be mandatory after-school math tutorials!"
[The other mathletes clap. However, the rest of the student body is convinced that they do not want Beth as president.]
Camillio: [sidling up] "Ha! Vote for me, and I'll put the cool back in school! Dance parties in the caf, make your own sundae bar, no homework–dare to dream!"
[The students cheer for Cam's recommendation. Suddenly, the doors to the lunchroom are thrown open, and Holger wheels in a cart. Underneath the platform is a standee of Lee, and on top is a laptop. Lee is broadcasting from the laptop while still technically staying within the bounds of detention.]
Zed: "Whoa. It's the future."
Lee: [campaigning] "All in favor of no-teacher Fridays, a ban on detention, and all-day sloppy joes, say Lee."
Students: [cheering] "Lee!"
Camillio: [walking over] "Okay firstly chanting is my thing. Secondly, no-teacher Fridays? Come on! That's never gonna happen, dude! Lee's a liar! Hey everyone, Lee's a liar!"
Lee: [whispering] "Cue the ad."
[Lee's broadcast turns to static and then resolves into a campaign ad.]
Biffy: [voiceover] "Something stinks at A. Nigma High. And it's not just Cam's bogus campaign promises." [A picture of Cam is shown.] "It's his feet." [A drawing of Cam's stinky shoes appears.] "Brought to you by Lee Ping. Stinkbuster."
[The cafeteria voices their disgust at Cam's odor problem.]
Camillio: [pleadingly] "It's genetic!"
[In the detention room, Lee hi-fives Biffy.]
Lee: "Nailed it!"
Biffy: "Ha-ha I'm good!"


[Cam is walking through the halls with his two handlers. He waves to Greta.]
Kimmie: [whispering] "That's Gretel. She likes gingerbread houses."
Dickie: [whispering] "Greta. Her name is Greta!"
Kimmie: [looking at a different student] "That's...Nardwina. She likes–clothes that don't fit her."
Dickie: [whispering] "It's Nadine, and she likes hip-hop!"
Camillio: [wandering over] "Nadine! Whaddup, girl?" [They bump fists.] "East coast!"
[Another ad comes on the school TVs.]
Biffy: [voiceover] "Cam acts all tough and gangsta, but would a gangsta wear jammies?" [A picture of a young, sleeping Cam is shown.] "What else is he lying about? Paid for by non-liar, Lee Ping."
[A "Vote for Lee Ping" message flashes on the screen and the ad concludes. Nadine looks at Cam critically and then walks away, and Cam's shoulders slump. Lee, meanwhile, walks the halls confidently.]
Zed: "Sup, Ping?" [They hi-five.]
Lee: "Can I count on your vote, Lynch?"
Lynch: "Can I count on an Apple Splat vending machine in the cafeteria?"
Lee: [shaking his hand] "Can do." [Lee continues on and meets Cam.]
Camillio: [whispering] "That was low, bro! A sleepover picture?!? Those are off limits, man."
Lee: "Says the guy who made that poster."
[Lee points to a poster of him blowing up a toilet. Meanwhile, Kimmie walks up behind Biffy, who is hanging a poster of his own.]
Kimmie: "So. You're the oversized man behind the man."
Biffy: "How'dja know?"
Kimmie: "Easy-peasy snappin' easy. You're doing your evil genius finger tap."
[Biffy tucks his hands behind his back.]
Kimmie: "You may have won this round, but my boy Cam is gonna be prez."
Biffy: "Pfft. You're goin' down."
Kimmie: "Pfft more. We're on opposite sides, I don't even know why I'm talking to you." [She winks at him and leaves.] "Ah ha! Dream on, Biffy! I will never go on a date with you!"
[Assorted students in the hall laugh. Biffy growls in frustration and leaves.]


[Lee walks up to a defaced standee of him outside of the men's room.]
Lee: [getting an email from Radcircles] "Looks like someone needs a shave." [He angrily storms over to Cam.] "Very funny, Radcircles!"
Camillio: [frustrated] "This again? If you're so sure I'm him, prove it! Ex-bro!"
Lee: "Why don't you just admit it. You just sent me a text and you're the only one in the hall!"
[Holger walks by in an adjacent hallway, whistling happily.]
Lee and Camillio: "Holg!" [realizing] "I saw him first! He's my best friend!"
Holger: [scared] "Sto-o-op! Sto-o-op! My stomach is tied up like pretzel! I try to split in two!" [His face undergoes several contortions.] "But I no Even Svensen! Zo, whoever wins the election, is my friend."
[Holger bursts into tears and runs off. His friends chase after him.]
Camillio: "Dude, come back!"
Lee: "Wait! Holger!"


[At 3:17 the news comes on again.]
Tina: "Early election polls are in, and Lee is leading by one percentage point. But it's not over till the debates at four-fifteen. So be there or–"
Chaz: "Be square. Like Tina."
[Chaz laughs as Tina attempts to push him away from the camera. Kimmie and Dickie have seen the report.]
Kimmie: "What? The cool kids cannot lose control of the school. I am not going to a wizard prom!"
Camillio: [walking up] "Hombre, hombreita! Don't worry!" [The broadcast ends.] "What I got up my sleeve is bigger than the prank!" [He chuckles nervously.]
Kimmie: "It better be. Because if you lose this election, you can say buh-bye to your new gang. And buh-bye to your foreign friend Holnart!" [Dickie whispers the proper name in her ear.] "I don't care what his name is!"
[Dickie and Kimmie walk away. Holger walks up to his friend.]
Holger: "Kimmie eat too many meancookies."
Camillio: "Aw, what am I gonna do? To win I need to bury Lee with something really embarrassing!"
Holger: "Like how Lee has the love for Tina?"
Camillio: [smiling] "Of course! The most embarrassing thing of all, man! Everyone knows that everyone knowing you like someone is like the worst thing ever! Gracias, amigo. You saved me dude."
[Cam walks away. Holger realizes what he's done.]
Holger: [scared] "No!" [He gasps and falls into the floor, where he pulls himself into the fetal position.] "Holger did ze worst thing in high school! No-ho-ho-ho! Oh no!" [He bites into another pancake.] "It is my shame pancake!"


[At 3:32 Lee and Biffy are busy plotting in detention.]
Lee: "Okay, let's go over this. If I don't win this competition, my enemy will be president, I'll be in detention forever, and I'll lose Holger."
Biffy: "Ah relax, man. You'll get to keep that Swedish meatball. Your GF Tina said you're ahead in the polls."
Lee: "She's not my GF. We're just–friends."
Biffy: "Ugh. Are you really one of those people who can't admit that they like someone? Ha!"
[Holger throws open the door to detention. He is in tears.]
Holger: "Holger help Cam! And now he must help Lee. Okay? Cam hypnotized butterscotch monkey maybe?" [He runs out of the room crying.]
Lee: "Of course! How could I forget?"
Biffy: "Uh, translation please?"
Lee: "Cam got hypnotized at my tenth birthday, and now every time someone says butterscotch, he wigs out and starts acting like a monkey."
Biffy: "Aw, booyah!"
Lee: "Wait, no, I don't feel right using that. When he's in monkey mode he has no control over his actions. He doesn't even remember it happened. Cam'd have to do something really bad to deserve that."


[At 4:16, Lee and Beth are onstage. Chaz and Tina will be the moderators.]
Principal General Barrage: [looking at his watch] "If Camillio isn't here in two-point-seven seconds, he's dis-qualified!"
[Soon, a loud fanfare is heard, and the doors to the auditorium are thrown open. Cam arrives with a huge entrance involving an entourage of cheerleaders and loud music.]
Principal General Barrage: [annoyed] "Next year Election Day is gonna be Election Hour."
[Cam waves to the crowd as he mounts the stage and takes his podium.]
Tina: "Okay, everyone's here. Let the debates begin. Do we have any questions from the audience?"
[Kimmie walks up to a microphone placed for audience members to ask questions.]
Kimmie: "School spirit is super important to me. What's your favorite thing about A. Nigma High?"
Beth: "I love the advanced math program." [Irwin and Greta applaud.]
Irwin: "Mathletes represent!"
Lee: "I would have to say my–"
Camillio: "Yeah yeah, your favorite thing about school, is Tina Kwee."
[Lee gasps, shocked at Cam's betrayal. The audience gasps, shocked at this revelation. Tina gasps, shocked that Cam would say this. Chaz gasps, amazed that anyone could like Tina.]
Chaz: "This just in: a human being likes Tina." [Tina slumps low in her chair.] "Congratulations, the impossible has happened."
Lee: [unsteady] "I–uh–I–"
Brandy: [insulted] "I knew it!"
Camillio: "Exhibit A!" [He holds up a piece of notebook paper with Tina's name doodled on it.] "A page from Lee's fifth-grade diary."
[The audience laughs.]
Kimmie: "Hot." [She pretends to blow smoke off of her finger.]
Camillio: [to Lee] "Oh, oh, what's wrong? Tina got your tongue?"
Biffy: [grabbing the microphone] "Ping. Remember your favorite thing about the school? That sundae sauce we talked about earlier? Huh?"
Lee: [to himself] "Oh yeah." [into the microphone] "Before Camillio so rudely cut me off, I was gonna say my favorite thing about school is going to the caf, getting a bowl of ice cream, and loading it up with lots of...butterscotch."
[Cam's jaw goes slack, and then he starts acting like a monkey. He mounts his podium and pounds his chest.]
Holger: [frightened] "Noooooo!" [He covers his eyes with his pancake.]
[Cam begins combing through Chaz's hair for tasty parasites.]
Chaz: "Okay watch it. I've already had touch-ups, and the hair is perfection."
[Giving up on Chaz's hair, Cam climbs up the ladder to the rafters. Lee gasps.]
Principal General Barrage: "Come down here this minute!"
Holger: [grabbing the microphone] "Oh Lee Ping! Do somesing! Or Cam is to go kafloofashanked!"
Lee: [calling to Cam] "Queen of hearts! Queen of hearts!" [Cam doesn't hear him.] "Plan B." [He spots a hanging sandbag. He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out one of Beth's giveaway protractors.] "Beth! You're finally useful!" [Lee runs over to the sandbag and begins sawing through the rope.] "Hold on Cam! I'm coming!"
[The rope yields, and Lee rides it up to Cam's level.]
Crowd: [cheering] "Go Cam! Go Lee!"
Principal General Barrage: [irate] "YOU TWO GET DOWN HERE THIS MINUTE! THAT IS A DI-RECT ORDER!"
Lee: "Okay Radcircles, this ends now."
[Cam runs towards Lee, howling like a monkey. He picks up an empty bag of potato flakes at Lee's feet and proceeds to attempt to empty it out onto the stage below. Lee watches him confusedly.]
Lee: "Whoa. Wait a second. Of course!" [Lee imagines what must have happened.] "Someone must've put Cam under hypnosis during the prank. That's why he's doing this and doesn't remember!" [scared for his friend] "What have I done?" [Cam is balanced precariously on the edge.] "Queen of hearts!"
Camillio: [snapping out of his trance] "HOOWHA? What am I doing here? Why am I craving bananas?"
Principal General Barrage: [fed up] "Fine! If you won't come down, voting starts now!"
Tina: [surprised] "Now?" [The principal growls.] "Oh, okay. Now's good." [to the audience] "Everyone get out your cell phones. Press one for Beth." [after a short pause] "Press two for Cam, and three for Lee."
[In the audience, Holger's finger hovers over his two choices. He is unsure which of his friends to pick–the same quandry that has been bothering him for the entirety of Lee and Cam's fight. Meanwhile, in the rafters, Cam is upset with Lee.]
Camillio: "You did this!"
Lee: "Cam, I made a huge mistake. I'm–"
Camillio: [backing away] "Get your hands off me!" [He trips over the railing.] "Whoa!"
Lee: "Cam!" [He manages to snag Cam's right hand.] "I was wrong! You were hypnotized during the prank and that's why you don't remember being up here!"
Camillio: [shocked] "What? Really? So–dude–you–you believe me?" [His hand slips out of Lee's grasp.] "AAAAAAAHHHH!"
Lee: "CAAAMM!"
[Cam plunges towards the stage. Before he can hit it, however, two cheerleaders run up with a banner for his election. Cam hits the banner and bounces up to Lee. They collide with each other, fall onto the rope Lee severed, and descend to the stage safely.]
Camillio: "I did not see that coming."
Lee: [sarcastic] "Really. This is exactly how I thought the debates would end."
Principal General Barrage: [walking onstage] "The winner is: Camillio."
[Cam smiles. Lee happily salutes his friend. Beth slumps to her podium in defeat as Kimmie walks onstage.]
Kimmie: "That monkey stuff, was genius. I knew you were cut out for politics. First order of prez business is: passing that pet purse law. Kay? Kay." [She leaves.]
Camillio: "Yeah I'll get right on that." [Tina walks up to Lee.]
Lee: [blushing] "I–uh–y'know–back there–"
Tina: [holding up her hand] "Say no more. Politics is a–dirty business." [nodding] "I know Cam made up all those lies." [She looks at him pleadingly.] "Right?"
Lee: "Right. I mean, I like you as a friend, but–I don't, like you, like you, I mean, 'cause I actually–" [He sighs and offers a handshake. Tina accepts it.]
Kimmie: [to Biffy] "In your face, Goldstein. Looks like I am better than you. Walk me home?"
Biffy: [loudly] "No, I will not kiss you, Kimmie!"
[The auditorium hears him and laughs. Kimmie gapes in shock.]
Biffy: [blowing imaginary smoke off of his finger] "Yeah that's right."


[Lee is talking to Cam over the internet.]
Lee: "Well Mister President, I guess we're all friends again."
Camillio: [happy] "So when do we get Radcircles, dude? I'm gonna kick that homeboy's butt for messing with my monkey mi–"
[Suddenly, Camillio's chat window disappears. It is replaced with one containing a shadowy figure.]
Radcircles: "Knock knock."
Lee: [caught off-guard] "Whoa. Radcircles?"
Radcircles: "You're supposed to say 'who's there.' And I'd say Camillio."
Lee: "Enough with the games! I know you're not Cam. Who are you?"
Radcircles: "Well if you're so sure, you should have said 'who's there.'"
Lee: [annoyed] "Who's there?"
Radcircles: "Two."
Lee: "Two? Who?"
Radcircles: "Too late. Better luck next time!" [He laughs evilly and signs off.]
Lee: "Ugh! Man I really hate that guy!"
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