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Script


Lee: "Apparently, I pulled off the biggest prank in high school history. And because of it, I got a whole year of detention. Problem is, I didn't do it. But I did have to pull a few other pranks to clear my name." [Pictures of him pulling pranks to try and avoid the 15th graders are shown.] "And I might have got a few people in trouble. And made a few people mad. Like Irwin, Emo Joe, Ed the Waterboy, and Robin." [Pictures of Irwin, Giuseppe, Ed, and Robin are taken from the yearbook.] "Not my biggest fans. Worst yet, someone named Radcircles contacted me and admitted to everything. And now they're getting way too close for comfort." [Images of Lee being contacted by Radcircles appear.] "I don't like it. First he set me up, now he's texting taunts. Radcircles, whoever you are, I'm gonna get you back."
Detentionaire

[Lee is running through the halls of A. Nigma High carrying the principal's robot leg.]
Biffy: [through Lee's earpiece] "You better get rid of that thing! If you get caught with it, you're gonna be totally expelled. Or worse!"
Lee: [panting] "What's worse than being expelled?"
[Lee spots some cleaners working in a hall. He ducks behind a bank of lockers.]
Principal General Barrage: [angry] "I WILL MURDERIZE WHOEVER STOLE MY LEG!"
Lee: "Okay. You know what? Forget I asked that."
[Both the principal and the cleaners converge on Lee's hiding place.]


Earlier...7:50 AM
[A streetcar rolls down the street. Lee, Cam, and Holger are on board.]
Camillio: "Why so happy, pappy? You do know we're headed to school, right?"
Lee: "My mom said if I get an A on today's math test, I can have the weekend free! Do you know what that means?"
Camillio: "You can do my chores for me on Saturday?"
Lee: [smirking] "No, it means no grounding! And the best part, it's math! I own that!"
Camillio: "So...maybe you caught a peek at the test, uh? You know? Over scrambled huevos with Mommy?"
Holger: "Lee! This is much excitement. Your math skills are like me making zhe juggle of the random objects." [He plucks a bunch of balls from his backpack and throws them into the air.] "Whee! Juggling!"
[Various commuters complain as they get pelted with the balls.]
Irate Woman: "Ow! Excuse me!"
Holger: "Oh! Sorry!"

[When the group gets to school, Lee opens his locker and finds something inside stinking it up.]
Lee: [covering his nose] "Ugh. Whoa! Gross, what is that?"
Holger: [taking a whiff] "Uch. Smell like the fresh zeedenberries, ooh, if a schnauzer was making zhe doo-doo on them."
Camillio: [smelling it] "Aw, dude, stink bomb, homes! Looks like the work of a real pro, man."
Lee: "How can you tell?"
Camillio: [pulling a pie out of Lee's locker] "'Cause it's all clever and stuff. It's meringue, bro. It like, absorbs the smell?"
Lee: "You sure seem to know a lot about this."
Camillio: "Hey. When your best pal is framed as the ultimate prankster, you sorta pick up a thing or two." [elbowing Lee] "Dude. Tina."
[Cam walks away as Tina walks up to Lee.]
Tina: "Uch! What in the world is that smell?"
Lee: [shutting his locker] "Apparently it's a stink bomb."
Tina: [grinning] "Your newest prank backfire on you?"
Lee: [faking a laugh] "Listen, I know these last few weeks have been strange."
Tina: "To say the least."
Lee: "Yeah, but–I guess I was wondering if I could sorta, y'know, try and, make things up to you? Say, Friday night?"
Tina: "Friday? Aren't you grounded till like Armageddon or something?"
Lee: "Technically yes I am sorta, but, I'm about to be sprung for the weekend. Yes! Thank you integers!"
Tina: "Uh, I don't know, I–"
Lee: "C'mon, it'll be fun. You could, y'know, finally interview me. We could go to the big Patsy For Hire concert at the amphitheater. Or both. Whatever you want."
Tina: "I guess I'll think about it. I have to get to the news desk right now."
[Tina walks away. Right after she leaves, a hand grabs hold of Lee's shirt and yanks on him.]
Brandy: "Did I just see what I thought I saw? You with another woman?!? That woman!?!?!"
Lee: "No, it's not like that, we were just talking, y'know, about...Patsy For Hire."
Brandy: [gleeful] "They're only like my sixth-favorite band! I knew it, you were talking about taking me! Don't worry, I will totally act surprised when you come to pick me up." [kissing him on the cheek] "Mwuh!"
[Brandy walks away with a look of ecstasy on her face. Lee rubs his neck.]
Lee: "Why must everything be so difficult?"
[A bunch of small balls fall from the ceiling onto and around Lee. The finale of the barrage is a bowling ball that almost crushes Lee's head. Holger arrives on the scene.]
Lee: [annoyed] "Seriously?"
Holger: "Well at least most of zhem weren't bowling balls!" [He chuckles.]


[Lee, Cam, and Holger walk into Mrs. Ping's math class.]
Lee: "I ace this test and I am gold! Forty-eight hours of ungrounded fun."
Holger: "In whole weekend, I could teach you to juggle zhe sardines. The trick is not to eat them first." [sad] "Holger always forget."
Camillio: "Hey. You think I could borrow an answer or two? It'd make my folks pretty happy if I brought home a solid C, man."
Lee: "Sorry, Cam, I just can't risk it today."
Camillio: "Bwak! Buk buk–"
Mrs. Ping: "Ahem."
[Mrs. Ping is passing out the test. Lee picks up his copy, looks at it, and laughs.]
Mrs. Ping: "Ssh!"
[While Lee is distracted, someone near him steals his pen.]
Mrs. Ping: "Begin! And no talking."
[Lee realizes his pen is missing.]
Lee: "My pen!" [whispering] "Hey, have you seen my pen? Anybody got an extra pen?"
Mrs. Ping: "Quiet."
[Irwin sees Lee's distress and smirks. He hands a pen to another student. The pen makes its way around the room until it ends up in Zed's hands. Zed then passes it to Cam, who gives the pen to Lee.]
Camillio: "Psst! Here you go, bro."
Lee: [smiling] "Thanks, buddy."
[Over the next hour, Lee proceeds to fill out the test. He hands it to his mother.]
Lee: "You and dad should make plans this weekend. 'Cause this guy's gonna be out of the house!"
Mrs. Ping: "We'll see."
[Lee exits the classroom. His mother picks up his test, glances at it, and gapes. Outside, Lee is on the phone.]
Lee: "Yeah, four tickets. Perfect." [He hangs up.] "Now if I can just find someone to take Brandy I'll be totally golden."
[Mrs. Ping opens the door to her classroom and steps out.]
Mrs. Ping: [irate] "What is the meaning of this!" [She holds out a blank sheet of paper.] "I thought with a reward you might finally take something seriously!"
Lee: "But I did! That's why I studied so hard."
Mrs. Ping: "Then explain this!"
Lee: "Well that's just a blank page."
Mrs. Ping: "It's your test."
Lee: "Can't be. I finished it. The whole thing, even the bonus trick question, the answer is zero, right?"
Mrs. Ping: "Yes, just like your grade."
Lee: "But–what? How? My pen! Someone must have handed me one with invisible ink or something." [Irwin leaves the classroom, grinning from ear to ear.]
Mrs. Ping: [skeptical] "Invisible ink? Please. You can kiss your free weekend goodbye, mister."
[An angry scowl crosses Lee's face when his mom turns around. Cam and Holger exit class.]
Lee: [to Cam] "Dude, you gave me a joke pen."
Camillio: [annoyed] "Dude, someone passed it to me."
Lee: "Dude, who?!?"
Camillio: "Dude, I dunno, maybe someone is gunning for you, dude."
Holger: "Uh, fellow dudes?"
[Holger points down the hall. A cleaner is busy scrubbing graffiti reading "DOWN WITH LEE CLUB" off of a bank of lockers.]
Lee: "Down With Lee Club?"
Camillio: [hopeful] "Maybe it's a typo. Maybe they mean Down With Glee Club."
Holger: "How could anyone not like Glee Club? They're always so happy!"
Lee: "Is this what's been going on? Who hates me so much that they start a whole club?"


[There is a treehouse in the suburbs where some teenagers have gathered.]
Down With Lee Club: [chanting] "Down with Lee! Down with Lee! Down with Lee! Down with Lee!"
Ed: "And Holger."
[The four teenagers that make up the Down With Lee Club are Irwin, Ed, Giuseppe, and Robin.]
Irwin: "We the members of the Down With Lee Club pledge our undying commitment to the pursuit of making Lee Ping's life completely and utterly miserable."
Ed: [singsong] "Yeah and don't forget Hooolll-gerrrrr."
Robin: [rolling her eyes] "Okay, you hate Holger. We know!"
[A caged crow caws and pecks at a straw doll of Lee. The four members of the club pick up cans of Green Apple Splat.]
Irwin: [making a toast] "To Lee Ping. And his first ever zero on a math test. Kuhzah!"
[Before they can drink, however, Irwin's computer beeps with a message. Irwin walks over and opens it. A figure cloaked in shadow appears in a video chat.]
Radcircles: "Knock knock."
Irwin: [confused] "Uh...who's there?"
Radcircles: "Rad."
Giuseppe: "Rad? Rad who?"
Radcircles: "Rad circles. And you, are the Down With Lee Club."
Irwin: "How do you know who we are?"
Radcircles: "I know everything about everything. It's scary sometimes. What is important, is we all have one thing in common. A hatred of all things Ping!" [The club smiles in agreement.] "I've watched your petty pranks." [Their smiles leave.] "Stink bombs, invisible ink? Pathetic."
Giuseppe: "What ever. Like you could do better."
Radcircles: "Silence, Mister I Wear Guyliner." [The emo's jaw drops.] "I have a plan. With my help, the time has come to get Lee Ping expelled."


[The group is shocked by the novel suggestion made by Radcircles.]
Irwin: "Expelled? What better way to rid ourselves of Lee Ping! Than to–" [He pauses to think, but is unable to come up with anything good.] "Rid ourselves of Lee Ping!"
Radcircles: "It shall be the ultimate payback."
Giuseppe: "Lee Ping is like an arrow to my cold black heart."
Ed: "He has no respect for the science of thirst-quenching! Him or Holger!"
Robin: "I...actually forget why I hate him."
Irwin: "Because, he got us all put in detention for his lame pranks!" [to Radcircles] "So, how exactly do we do this?"
Radcircles: "I have it on good authority that if he's busted for one more prank, our little friend Ping will go bye-bye."
Mrs. McFeeney: [from outside] "Eddie honey! Do you and your friends want more mini hot dogs?"
Ed: "Mom, we're busy scheming!"
Mrs. McFeeney: "You can't scheme on an empty stomach, silly!"
Radcircles: "Great, well now I'm hungry too. Okay. Here's what we're going to do..."


[Lee is in lunch detention with Biffy.]
Biffy: "Maybe it's another Lee." [cuddling his cat] "There's more than one Lee in the world, isn't there."
Lee: "Maybe it's Radcircles. This could be another chance to nail whoever that is."
Biffy: "Nah, RC's hardcore. This is probably just a bunch of nerds, wearing nerd clothes and doing nerd things together while they talk in nerd code. I'd start with the nerdy treehouse behind this nerdy school."
Lee: "Why there?"
Biffy: "'Cause it's Ed the waterboy's house. And my guess is, if you looked up nerd in the dictionary, you'd find a picture of his grandfather. Plus he hates you, right?"
Lee: "More Holger for stealing his job. But–yeah, I did out him as the school thief."
Biffy: [putting a sweater on his cat] "Okay. So get Monsieur Rumpell as close to the treehouse as you can so I can see what's inside."
[Biffy places a camera in the pocket of his cat's sweater and then hands her to Lee. Lee carries the cat with him as he sneaks out of detention to Ed's house. When he arrives at the backyard, he taps his earpiece.]
Lee: "I'm sending in the cat."
[Lee lets go of Biffy's cat. It runs into the backyard and athletically climbs up to the treehouse. Once there, it begins walking around, and the camera captures images of things at the cat's eye level.]
Biffy: "Legs. Shoes. Mini hot dog." [A crow caws.] "Uh-oh. CROW!"
[Mrs. Rumplekittykat spots the caged crow and leaps at it, knocking the cage onto the floor.]
Robin: "RED ALERT! CLAWED INTRUDER!"
[Ed leaps at the cat, but she nimbly avoids his grasp. She runs past Giuseppe and manages to escape the clubhouse before Irwin can grab her.]
Irwin: "No!" [The cat runs back to Lee, who is spotted by the club.] "Lee Ping, and he's not in detention!"
Robin: [calling] "Principal Barrage!"
Principal General Barrage: [in the parking lot] "Outta detention? Where?"
[Lee gasps and hightails it into the bushes. The principal comes by where Lee was moments ago and pries the bushes away. Behind them is Biffy's cat, chowing down on a miniature hot dog. Lee, meanwhile, is running through shrubberies. He gets back into school, sneaks through the vents, and arrives in the detention room. Shortly thereafter, Barrage throws the door to the detention room open.]
Principal General Barrage: "Ah-ha!"
Biffy: "...so technically the Byzantine Empire is just a derivative of the Roman–"
Principal General Barrage: "Er well. Carry on. But I'm watching you." [flipping his earlobe] "And I'm using these flippity-flaps of fleshy flesh on the side of my head that some people refer to as ears! And I will hear, every gurgle of your gooey little guts! So watch your Bs and Qs. At ease!" [He slams the door.]
Biffy: "Ahem."
Principal General Barrage: [throwing the door open] "I heard that!"
Biffy: "Uhhh..."
[The principal signals that he's watching the detentionaires and then leaves again. Lee and Biffy shut their books, and Biffy pulls out his laptop.]
Biffy: "So anyways, looks like we found out who make up the Down With Lee Club." [He has freeze-framed a picture of the four members.]
Lee: [suspicious] "How'd you know the club was at Ed's house anyway?"
Biffy: "Don't get all paranoid! There's a Down With Lee Club, okay? Right now you sorta need all the friends you can get."


[Lee is in the hallway when Tina walks up to him.]
Tina: [cheerful] "Hey, Lee! I've been listening to Patsy For Hire all day! They're actually kinda okay!"
Lee: [nervous] "Oh, yeah, they're, pretty cool."
Tina: "Anyway–" [She takes a deep breath.] "I'll go to the concert with you. After all, I believe in third chances. Or is it fourth?" [She giggles.] "Kinda lost track."
Lee: "Uh, listen, Tina, about that–"
Tina: [angry] "You don't need to finish that sentence. I know where this is going? And here's where I'm going." [She leaves.]
Lee: "Tina!" [He slumps.] "Aww."


[Cam and Holger are in gym class, running around the track.]
Holger: "Did you know in juggling you're supposed to make the catch with the balls?"
Camillio: "Uh, yeah!" [Lee runs up beside them.]
Lee: "Guys. I need one of you to infiltrate that Down With Lee Club. I already ordered four Patsy tickets, so whoever does it can have 'em. We'll stage a fight and pretend we've turned on each other. C'mon, who's with me?"
Camillio: "Free tickets? Sure, I'll turn on you."
Holger: "Holger can take Greta to concert and make up for lunchtime uh-oh spaghetti juggle unpleasantness. I can be better than Cam. And run faster! See?" [He pours on the speed.]
Camillio: [trying to catch up] "Daddy Longlegs." [panting] "I can bring the pain like nobody's business, man. I don't like the way Lee...opens his...stupid little yogurt snacks?"
Holger: "Well I hate his hair!"
Camillio: "Uh I don't like his stinky breath, dude!"
Holger: "I hate his...hair!" [Lee looks annoyed with this competition.]
Camillio: "Yeah, and I'm really like not a fan of his knees! Like, uh, uh, knobby much?"
Holger: "I hate his hair!" [Cam stops running.]
Camillio: [winded] "Okay whoa. Hold up ese. A, my smallish legs need a break, and b, if Ed's like in the club, Holger can't even join anyway!" [to Holger] "Dude don't like you bro."
[Holger gasps.]
Holger: "Don't like me?!? Impossible! Everyone loves Holger! I love Holger! I love him so much!" [He hugs himself and cries.] "I love him."
Lee: "Guys. Seriously. What's wrong with my hair?"


[Lee and Cam stage their fight during a break between classes.]
Lee: [to Cam] "Let's make this look legit."
Camillio: [loudly] "Whoa whoa whoa whoa step off bro! You better watch who you talkin' to!" [He shoves Lee.]
Lee: "I know it was you who switched my pen!" [He shoves Cam. Cam bumps into a locker. He leaps at Lee, who holds him off.]
Camillio: "Oh, I wouldn't go throwing accusationals around, ese. You're the prankster who leads a secret life, man!"
Lee: "Oh yeah? You want a piece?"
[Cam and Lee sink to the floor and pretend to wrestle. Robin walks up and uses her cell phone to film it.]
Robin: "Lee Ping and Camillio Whatshisface are fighting! Who'd ever believe it?"
[Lee and Cam roll to a stop at the feet of Brandy.]
Brandy: "Lee? Cam? Are you, fighting over, me?" [Cam and Lee glance at each other.] "Please say yes. You know what? Forget the please. Just say yes!"
[Lee and Cam look at each other and smile. Brandy has just given them their excuse.]
Lee: [slamming Cam against a locker] "I'm taking her to the concert on Friday!"
Brandy: [to the public] "How exciting. You do know only one can take me, right?" [whispering to Robin] "Will you email me that video, thanks."
Camillio: "You don't deserve a girl that good! I'm taking Brandy to the concert and that's like, final! You got it, leaping?" [He winks at Brandy, who clasps her hands over her heart. He then throws Lee to the ground.]
Lee: "You win this time, Cam. But I promise you, this is far from over."
Camillio: "You know what I say to that?" [walking away from Lee] "Down with Lee! Down with Lee!"
Robin: "Yes!" [Cam takes Brandy's arm.] "Down with Lee! Down with Lee!"
[The spectators file away from the finished fight. Lee smiles victoriously.]


[The Down With Lee Club is hanging out in Ed's treehouse.]
Radcircles: "And why does he dye his hair red? That's what I'd like to know."
Irwin: "Me and you both." [He gets another call.] "Hang on." [He brings up a video chat from the fourth member.] "What's the word, Robin?"
Robin: "Check out the video I just sent you."
[Irwin opens the video of Lee and Cam fighting.]
Giuseppe: "Whoa. Lee and Cam fighting? I dunno, isn't that supposed to be the Fourth Sign of the Apocalypse?"
Irwin: "But what a coup it would be to get Camillio into our club! Think of the headlines!"
Radcircles: "Maybe. But I am thinking we should run a little experiment first. I think we could have some fun with this."
[The Down With Lee Club grins.]


[Lee and Biffy are in detention.]
Biffy: "So Cam managed to infiltrate them?"
Lee: [pointing to his earpiece] "Ssh! He's in there right now!"
Irwin: "Let us welcome our newest member Camillio Esmereldo Martinez to the club."
Irwin, Robin, and Ed: "Welcome Cam."
[Cam hides his broadcasting cell phone deep in his coat pocket.]
Camillio: "So uh, that stink bomb was pret-ty cool. The lemon meringue pie was like a boom idea!"
Ed: "My mom made it."
Camillio: "That disappearing ink was rad too, but like, that can't be it, can it? You know like, what's the real plan, man? How we gonna take down my man-I mean I mean, I mean my ex-man. Lee Ping!"
Irwin: "Tomorrow at lunch. We're gonna nail Ping with three pranks at once."
Giuseppe: "First we pour acid on the football field to spell out 'Ping rules.'"
Ed: "Then, we're gonna flood the parking lot with shaving cream and soap suds, making a mess of all the faculty's cars to get 'em outside so they see the field."
Robin: "And then, when the room is empty, we're going to fill the teacher's lounge with raw sewage from the septic tank."
Irwin: "And, the best part is, Lee will be blamed for it all and be kicked out of school for good!"
Biffy: "Dude, tomorrow you're totally gonna be one step ahead of them."
Lee: "Heh. Three steps, actually. Yeah, nice try, Irwin."


12:35 PM – Next Day
Lee: [contacting Holger from afar] "Holger, how goes the football field?"
Holger: "No acid yet. By the way, what does acid look like? How tall is he?" [He attempts to juggle several objects, fails, and cries.]
Lee: "Oh boy. Cam, how's the parking lot?"
Camillio: "All cool, homes."
Lee: "All clear here too. It's pretty weird that nothing's happened yet, isn't it?"
[Lee gets a call on his phone. He answers.]
Biffy: "Uh, Pingston? We have a problem." [Lee's eyes widen.] "I managed to finally break the firewall on the school's security cameras. Looks like Irwin's been messing with your locker."
Lee: [disturbed] "Locker? That wasn't part of the plan. Unless–" [He realizes he's been tricked.]
Biffy: "Uh, yeah. You've been duped."
[Lee hangs up on Biffy and returns to the conference call with his friends.]
Lee: "Guys, it's a trick! Holger, you're the closest. Quick, get to my locker."
Holger: [happy] "Okay."
[Holger runs from the football field to Lee's locker. When he opens it, he finds a terrifying sight.]
Holger: [screaming in fright] "AAAHHHHHHHHHHAHAAHOO!"
Camillio: [in pain] "Aw, dude, my ears!"
Lee: "Holger, what is it?"
Holger: [breathless] "Barrage's metal leg stick!"
Principal General Barrage: [far away] "RAAAAAAAHH!"
Holger: [fearful] "Ahhhhahahahoo!"
[Lee gasps as the implications set in.]

[Holger is shivering from fright as he clutches Barrage's disembodied robot leg.]
Holger: [stuttering] "B-B-B-Barrage's leg!"
Camillio: "What the what?"
Lee: "In my locker?"
Principal General Barrage: [far away] "Whoever's got my leg is gonna burn in a fiery pit of preposterous pain!"
Holger: "WHAAO! Holger go bye-bye!" [He runs away from Lee's locker.]
Lee: "No, Holger, just drop it before he sees you with it!"
[Principal General Barrage gets to Lee's locker. He is hopping in order to move.]
Principal General Barrage: "When I find you, I'll turn both your legs into hood ornaments!"
[Holger finds a janitor's closet and ducks inside. When he shuts the door, however, he pulls the inner doorknob off.]
Holger: "Whoopsie-daisy!"
[Having heard the thump, the principal approaches the door and listens for movement inside the closet. Holger stands as still as he can and listens for movement outside.]
Tina: [over the intercom] "Would the following students report to Room 113b. Robin Raven and Brad Von Chillstein."
[The principal gives up on the idea of anyone being inside the broom closet and hops off to try and hunt down the real culprit. Holger hears Barrage's receding footsteps and smiles, but then looks at the broken doorknob and whimpers.]
Holger: "Okay. Zhe Barrage is gone, but zhe doorknob off the door can't make zhe opentimes now! I'm trapped in the custodial alcove!"
Lee: "Cam, you've gotta get to the custodial alco–I mean the janitor's closet and spring Holger."
Camillio: "On my way."
[Cam stuffs the last bite of his lunch into his mouth and stands up to leave his post. However, at the moment he is being approached by the four members of the Down With Lee Club.]
Camillio: "Eyyy, guys. What's up?"
Irwin: "What're you doing here?"
Camillio: [hiding his cell phone] "Aw, you know, I wanted to like, catch a good view of the prank and everything, for when we, you know, when we get Lee Ping man."
Irwin: "So, where you going now, Cam?"
Camillio: [shifty-eyed] "Nowhere, nah, nah I was like, you know, waiting for you guys."
[Cam giggles nervously. Lee decides to take matters into his own hands and goes to Holger.]
Lee: [in the vents] "Holger, it's me."
Holger: "Viking Santa? Have you finally come to put sheep in my pillowcase?"
Lee: [heaving off the vent cover] "No dummy, it's me. Lee!"
Holger: [excited] "Lee Ping? You are the Viking Santa?"
Lee: [annoyed] "No!" [sarcastic] "Yes. I'm Viking Santa. Ho ho ho. Now come on!"
[Lee extends his hand to Holger. Holger laughs giddily, grasps it, and pulls. Lee falls out of the vents and onto Holger, and their combined weight knocks the door down. They fall into the hall.]
Holger: [giddy] "You did it! We're free! You really are the Viking Santa. May I have the electrical toothbrush too, with the fishy aquarium inside?"
Biffy: [calling Lee] "Dude! T-minus ten minutes!"
Lee: [to Holger] "Yeah, sure, whatever you want, just get out of here!" [He and Holger stand up.] "I'll handle this." [Holger pulls Lee into a hug.]
Holger: "You are the bravest man I ever met." [breaking the hug] "Except for Lief Gurghen, who once dove facefirst into a fleshigod."
[Holger's face takes on an expression of shell shock from the memory. He leaves. Lee runs down the hall in the opposite direction, carrying with him the stolen leg. Barrage spots his fleeing figure, and gives chase as best he can. Lee then turns down a different hall.]
Biffy: "You better get rid of that thing. If you get caught with it you're gonna be totally expelled." [Lee turns down a different hallway.] "Or worse."
Lee: "What's worse than being expelled?"
[Lee looks to duck down a different hall, but finds that cleaners are presently occupied in the area. He ducks behind a bank of lockers.]
Principal General Barrage: [angry] "I WILL MURDERIZE WHOEVER STOLE MY LEG!"
Lee: "Okay. You know what? Forget I asked that."
[The cleaners and the principal begin to close in on Lee's position. Suddenly, the hazmats are distracted.]
Holger: "For ze enjoyment, I present Ze Amazing Holger!"
[Holger throws a bunch of ping-pong balls in the air and fails to catch them. The balls bounce everywhere, and the janitors rush towards him to stop him. Unfortunately for them, they step on some balls and lose their balance, falling onto the floor. Lee takes this opportunity to chuck Barrage's leg to the ground by the lockers, climb on top of them, and disappear into the vent system of A. Nigma High.]
Principal General Barrage: [seeing the chaos] "What in the name of–" [He spots his leg.] "My leg."
[The military man steps forward onto his leg. It hooks into his system, same as it ever was.]
Principal General Barrage: [emotional] "There you go, Betsy! Back where you belong!" [threateningly] "Time to check on Ping."
[Both Lee and Barrage head for the detention room; Lee through the vents and Barrage through the hallways.]
Biffy: [urgently] "C'mon! C'mon c'mon c'mon!"
[Lee plunges through the vent cover in the detention room seconds before the principal opens the door.]
Biffy: "...so you see, if both sides of a triangle equal–"
Principal General Barrage: [irate] "When I find who tried to make a fool of me, they'll be keeping you company. All snuggly and warm, and cuddly. IN HERE! DE-SMISSED!"
[The principal slams the door to the detention room shut.]


[The Down With Lee Club is hanging out in the halls of A. Nigma High. Lee spots them.]
Irwin: [steepling his fingers] "Ho-oh, we've only begun!" [Lee angrily approaches the club.]
Lee: [grabbing Irwin] "You're ruining my whole life! All because of the math club grudge?"
[Ed and Giuseppe pull Lee away.]
Robin: "Actually, it's 'cause you got us detention with your pranks."
Lee: [surprised] "Oh!" [awkwardly] "Sorry, I didn't mean to. Is that really why you all hate me?"
Robin: "Pretty much."
Irwin: "Yeah."
Giuseppe: "Mmm-hmm."
Ed: "And Holger!"
Irwin: "You better watch your back, Ping!"
Lee: "Or what, you'll prank me again? In case you can't tell, I'm pretty much as low as I'm gonna get."
Ed: "It's not us you need to worry about."
Irwin: [grinning] "Yeah. We're nothing compared to who else is out there. Some freak who loves knock-knock jokes."
Lee: [startled] "Knock-knock jokes? You guys met Radcircles?"
Irwin: "Maybe. Maybe not. Why should we tell you?"
Robin: "After all, helping you would be a violation of our club."
Down With Lee Club: [walking away] "Down with Lee! Down with Lee! Down with Lee!"
Lee: "Man! How will I ever figure out who Radcircles is?"


[That night, Lee is marking off possible culprits in his yearbook. Thus far, he's Xed out Ed McFeeney, Giuseppe Stern, Robin Raven, and a guy in a hat.]
Lee: "Nope." [crossing out Greta Von Hoffman] "Nope." [crossing out more suspects] "Nope. A bit of a jerk but, nope."
[A video chat window opens on Lee's computer. Cam and Holger are at a concert.]
Camillio: "H-hey, bro. Thanks again for the tickets, man."
Holger: "You really should have come, Lee! We have a great time, and wiz girls!"
[Cam moves his cell phone over to capture the likenesses of Brandy and Greta.]
Lee: "It's cool guys. I really only wanted to go with Tina anyway. Later."
[Lee shuts off his computer. Seconds later, he gets an email message from Radcircles.]
Lee: "Ah-ha! Here we go!" [reading] "You survive this time. Barely. But you'll never make it to the end of the year. P.S.: Knock knock?"
[As soon as Lee utters the final words, someone knocks on his bedroom door. He gasps.]
Lee: "Uh, who's there?" [His mother steps into the room.] "Oh. Hey Mom."
Mrs. Ping: "Lights out!" [She turns off the lights. Lee falls back onto his bed.]
Lee: "So people have actually talked to him. Seen him. But no one knows who he is. Or even if it's a he. Radcircles, I don't know how I'm gonna find you, but I will."
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