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Script


Lee: "Ever been accused of doing something you didn't do? Yeah, welcome to my world. I got a year of detention for pulling off the biggest prank in high school history when all the evidence pointed to me." [looking over to his backpack] "Like my knapsack that Principal Barrage found filled with stuff that made me look guilty. But it wasn't my real bag. Right before the prank, someone switched it." [The email address of the culprit appears.] "Someone I call Radcircles, the mastermind behind this whole crazy thing. Of course, it's not all bad. Some people think I'm actually pretty cool." [Pictures of people who like him appear.] "And some..." [Pictures of the Down With Lee Club, the 15th graders, and Principal General Barrage are shown.] "Not so much."
Detentionaire

4:06:11 PM
Lee: "At 4:15, detention gets out. Trouble is, I'm here, and school, is all the way...there." [Lee is a few blocks away from campus.] "So unless I find a spare jetpack floating around, I'm dead!"
[Lee is currently wearing the headpiece to a frog knight costume and running towards a bus.]
Lee: "Don't leave! Don't leave!"
Splat Mascot Employee: [wearing an apple costume] "Give me back my helmet!"
Lee: "Sor-ry!"
[Lee takes off the headpiece and throws it in the pursuing man's face. The man falls to the ground, and Lee continues to run towards the bus. However, the bus pulls off just before he gets there, leaving him choking in its exhaust.]
Lee: "Yep. I'm a dead man."
Stinky: "Where do you think you're going?"
[Stinky has just pulled up on his motorscooter. He approaches Lee with a scowl on his face.]
Lee: "Fifteenth grader. Now I'm really a dead man."
Earlier that day...8:15 AM
[Biffy is running as fast as he can in order to try and make it to school on time. Unfortunately, he trips on a rock in the walkway and ends up slamming into a nerd at full speed, causing the nerd to drop his books and land in the bushes. Biffy looks down at the casualty.]
Biffy: "Sorry."
Nerd: "I'm okay."
Vice Principal Victoria: "Biffy T. Goldstein."
Biffy: "Morning, Vice Principal Victoria." [He looks at the nerd he bumped into.] "I know, I know. Detention."

[Chaz and Tina are doing the school news.]
Tina: "Good morning, A. Nigma–"
Chaz: [talking over her] "A. Nigma High! I'm Chaz Monerainian, and I am still awesome. This is your morning news."
[While Tina tries to regain control, Holger plays with his new pen, which has a fake fishbowl on the end.]
Lee: [amused] "Holger, could you find a bigger pen?"
Holger: "Ya." [He holds up a pen with a snow globe featuring two skaters on the end.] "Always!"
Lee: "Dude, I was kidding."
Tina: "Today's top story–"
Chaz: "Is that my big special report, that you won't wanna miss, is only two days away! That's Friday! Live! On–" [singing] "–Chaz's Corner!" [normally] "Don't miss it." [Tina pulls out a ceremonial knife.] "AAAH!"
Tina: "Are hair extensions harmless accessories for your head?"
[Chaz taps at the knife, revealing that it's just a blonde hair extension.]
Tina: "This fake hair nearly drowned star swimmer Brad Von Chillstein!"
[A picture of Brad swimming near a drain clogged with hair extensions is shown. He is then shown with his foot caught in the hair, unable to reach the surface.]
Chaz: [unempathetic] "Glug glug glug glug glug I'm drowning." [Tina is shown rescuing Brad.] "Gee, nice photo op, Tina. Yawn. So how do we stop this tidal wave of wig weaponry?"
Tina: "Mandatory bathing caps. And exposing the students who use wig weapons." [Pictures of the Glamazons without their hair extensions appear onscreen.] "I mean, hair extensions."
[The Glamazons, spread between different homerooms, scream in anguish at the pictures of them without hair extensions.]
Glamazons: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
[The pitch of their screams causes Holger's pen ends to shatter.]
Holger: "Who knows tiny doll CPR?" [He pulls out a tiny lifeguard doll.] "I do! Stand aside, chums. Lifeguard Sven will save ze day." [He has the lifeguard kiss the female figure skater and then picks them both up. He speaks for the figure skater in falsetto.] "Ooh-hoo-hoo! My hero-hogen! Ooh! You're so strong and Svenny! Hee hee heehee hee hee!"
[The bell rings to end class.]


[Lee walks through the halls. He spots Brad walking away after having talked with the Glamazons.]
Tina: [over the intercom] "Would the following students report to Room 113B. McKenzie Phillips and Druscilla Duke."
[Lee walks up to the Glamazons.]
Brandy: "Leaping! Did you see that news report?"
Lee: "Yeah, I, um–"
Brandy: [covering her face] "You can't even look at me. You think I'm a monster." [angry] "Oh your friend, Tina, is so getting it." [insecure] "That's not how I normally look!" [defeated] "I dyed my hair myself this summer, and, it all fell out." [normally] "Okay, obviously the only way to get over this mucho mega trauma, is with a–" [joyful] "–shopping spree!" [Druscilla and McKenzie join in her joy.] "We're going to the mall after school, and you have to come."
Lee: "Oh, that would be special, but, y'know, detention?"
Brandy: "Uch. Sometimes, I feel like you're cheating on me, with detention. Oh well. I guess you'll also have to miss the–" [joyful] "–revenge spree!" [Once again, Druscilla and McKenzie join in her joy.] "Oh look." [Tina walks into a classroom.] "The moving target herself."
Lee: "That's my class too. Gotta go."
[Lee heads to class. As soon as he leaves, Kimmie's purse barks. A dog sticks its nose out, and Kimmie covers it as the vice principal approaches.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Miss Kimmie. Is that an itty-bitty adorable-but-very-much-against-the-school-rules doggie snout?"
Kimmie: "That? Pft." [She pulls out her phone.] "It's my new dog-barking app?"
[Kimmie's dog sticks its head out of her purse and barks.]
Vice Principal Victoria: "Well, if that's not the most realistic doggie application I've ever seen. Rules are rules. No dogs in school. You young lady have a date with detention."


[Lee and Cam are in chemistry class. In class with them is Tina, whom Lee is constantly staring at.]
Camillio: [noticing] "Man, if you keep staring at Tina, she's gonna get a restraining order dude."
Lee: "I gotta warn her about Brandy's maybe, probably evil revenge plan."
[Lee leaves the table to do so while Cam mixes various chemicals. Before he can reach her, Brad cuts in front of him.]
Brad: "Tina Kwee, thanks again for yesterday. Trying to breathe underwater sucks. I'd love to make it up to you. How about a little trip to the mall aprés school avec moi?"
[The bell rings. Tina takes Brad's proffered hand.]
Tina: "Mas oui."
[Students file out of the room towards their next class. Lee is one of the last to leave, behind Tina and Brad and ahead of Cam, whose experiment causes an explosion that splatters glop onto his coat and Lee.]
Lee: [taking a towel from Cam] "Thanks."
Camillio: "No problemo."
[Lee throws the towel back to Cam.]


[Lee walks through the halls of the school with a frown on his face. Holger runs up and hugs him.]
Holger: "Lee!" [He releases Lee.] "Lee. Why your face long like pony?"
Camillio: "Brad Von Chillstein asked Lee's dream girl out on a date, man!"
Holger: [excited] "Brad Ze Chill Von Chillstein?"
Camillio: "I know! He's so cool, his mom's a fridge!"
Holger: [holding out a DVD] "And his dad is Ace Von Chillstein action hero movie star." [imitating him] "Pa-pow pa-pow! Kkkkhh! Kkkkhh!" [normally] "Awesome to the woo-hoo, ja?"
Lee: [unenthusiastic] "Oh yeah, he's pretty much way cooler than me in every aspect."
Camillio: "Bro, puh-lease, this is high school." [Three cheerleaders walk past, giggling.] "Brads don't date Tinas, Brads date college girls, supermodels and Glamazons."
Lee: "You're right. Something stinks."
[Holger sniffs his pits to check. He falls over from the stench. Lee then spots Brandy and Brad talking.]
Lee: "Ah-ha! I knew it. Brad is in on it. They're gonna do something bad to Tina at the mall. I just know it. I have detention. Can you guys go?"
Camillio: "No can, homeslice. I got devil-sitting duty. My evil sister..."
Holger: "Holger has ze waterboy practice. Did you know if you freeze water, it be making zhe ice?"
Camillio: "You sure you wanna protect Tina, bro? Or you just jealous of Brad?"
Lee: [spotting Tina] "Either way, gotta warn her!" [He chases after her.] "Hey Tina, wait up!" [Tina stops.] "Brandy's pretty ticked about your hair expose. I think they're planning something."
Tina: "So? I'm not scared of Brandy."
Lee: "I'd just be suspicious of unusual things, like say, something you never ever thought would happen in a million years? Like a really hot guy asking you on a date, to the mall."
Tina: "What are you saying?"
Lee: "That Brad asked you out so Brandy can humiliate you at the mall?"
Tina: [sarcastically catching on] "Ohhh, so a cool guy like Brad would never date someone like me unless it was a cruel joke?" [angry] "Eucch!" [She walks away.]
Lee: [sighing] "That sounded way worse coming out of her mouth."


[Lee and Biffy are in detention. Biffy is playing a video game while Lee paces.]
Biffy: "Relax, man, you're totally throwing off my Couch Ninja winning streak."
Lee: "I can't! I'm worried about Tina!"
Biffy: "Don't we always figure out a way for you to escape detention?"
Lee: "Heh. Yeah, you're right. We're the dream team! We'll just wait for Barrage and it'll be just like old times."
Principal General Barrage: [opening the door] "You maggots got lady company."
Kimmie: [walking in] "Sup, losers." [She pops her bubblegum.] "Oh and, don't answer that, 'cause I don't care."
Principal General Barrage: "I'll be back at sixteen-fifteen. I have off-campus business to attend to. In case of any funny business, there's two hazmats posted right outside your door!"
[The principal leaves. Kimmie casts a glance around the room.]
Kimmie: "So, who decorated this place? A colorblind monkey?"
Biffy: [on edge] "He-ah. All monkeys are colorblind."
Kimmie: "Just because you are, doesn't mean your cousins are too." [She laughs.] "Oh, snap!"
[Lee and Biffy glance at each other. Lee signals Biffy, and they walk to the front of the room so they can talk privately.]
Lee: "Okay, how am I gonna escape with Lady MacBlabber watching us?"
Biffy: "Escape? Dude, you can not leave me here with that!" [He hitches a thumb towards Kimmie.]
Lee: [wheedling] "I'll get Cyrus to record you some unplugged Dudes of Darkness tracks."
Biffy: [growling] "Uuurrph! You know I can't resist DoD bribes."
Lee: [faking pain] "Ooh my stomach! I gotta use the bathroom."
Kimmie: "Fyi, I don't need the four-one-one on your toilet trouble."
[Lee nods at Biffy, and Biffy heads over to the Glamazon, blocking her view.]
Biffy: "So, how'd you score detention? Your shoes not match your bag?"
Kimmie: [faking a laugh] "Uh-huh-huh! So funny I forgot to laugh. In case you must know?" [She holds up her dog.]
Biffy: "H-hey! Mister Margolious! I remember him!" [He sticks a finger out but pulls it back when the dog attempts to bite it.]
Kimmie: "And he remembers you." [Lee gives Biffy a thumbs-up from the vent and leaves.]
Biffy: [to himself] "I hate you Lee."


[Cam is on the phone in his kitchen. Currently, he is babysitting his younger sister.]
Camillio: "Escaping detention and school? Dude, hardcore." [yelling] "Angelina! Do not! Microwave the goldfish!" [normally] "Seriously, dude. Saving Tina's gonna score you major brownie points."
Lee: "It's not about that, I really–"
Camillio: [yelling] "Hey! That is not a toy! It's–" [A loud clatter is heard.] "Enh it's garbage now. So what kinda super spy stuff did you do to fool Barrage, homes?"
Lee: "That's the best part! He had to leave school for some reason."
[Barrage pulls up next to Lee's bus at a stoplight. Lee notices and ducks down before the principal can see him, along the way hanging up on Cam.]
Camillio: "Hello?" [miffed] "Huh. Yo goodbye to you too bro!"


[At the mall, Tina and Brad get free sodas from a Green Apple Splat mascot.]
Tina: "So, what's it like having Ace Von Chillstein, action star and earth activist as a dad?"
Brad: "Are you asking as a friend, or as a reporter?"
Tina: [giggling] "Sometimes it's hard to turn off."
Brad: "We're nothing alike. He's into saving cute, cuddly animals, like whales and pandas."
Tina: "And you're against that?"
Brad: "I'm into saving endangered animals no one cares about, like the Saint Helena dirtwig."
Tina: [shocked by a picture of it] "WUUK!" [laughing nervously] "I mean, awww."
Brad: "I know! I have a website dedicated to all the unloved animals near extinction. Donations welcome." [Tina hands him a five-dollar bill.] "Thanks." [He and Tina clink cans, drink, and look ill.] "Gross. But rather splatty."


[Biffy and Kimmie are in detention. Kimmie stares straight ahead, bored, while Biffy plays on his phone.]
Kimmie: "Oh what's that, Mr. Margolious? Biffy's a little too into his phone? I agree."
Biffy: [not looking up] "You're just jealous that I'm awesome at this game!"
Kimmie: "Whatevs. You probably cheat."
Biffy: "Yeah, I cheat."
Kimmie: "That's what I thought."
Biffy: "Wh-no, no I was being sarcastic!"
Kimmie: "I know."
Biffy: "Oh would you–you're just–RRRR!" [annoyed] "Lemme play my game."
[Biffy returns to his game. Kimmie turns away from him, and Biffy sneaks a glance at her.]


[Lee is at the mall. He calls Cam.]
Lee: "Cam, still no sign of Tina and Brad yet, but–uh oh." [He stops dead in his tracks.] "I forgot about her." [He hangs up.]
Camillio: [confused] "Whaddup? Is this like his new thing?" [He ends the call and ducks as a water balloon sails over his head.] "Ya-ha, ya missed me!" [He laughs.] "You gotta be a lot quicker to pull one over on–" [Another water balloon smacks him in the face. Angelina laughs.] "Hey." [He sniffs the air.] "That's not water."


[Lee is spying on the Glamazons.]
Brandy: [rummaging in her bag] "This'll teach her a lesson." [She pulls out a bottle labeled with a skull.]
Lee: "Poison? Really?"
[Brandy's head snaps towards the sound of her voice. Lee ducks out of sight.]
Brandy: "Red streaks? Leaping, is that you?"
[Lee runs away. She follows him down a back corridor. Lee ducks into a store and waits for Brandy to run past.]
Giuseppe: [manning the register] "Lee Ping. In my store. Wow, this must be my lucky day."
Lee: "Oh hey Joe. How's that 'Down With Lee Club' coming?" [Brandy walks by the other way.]
Giuseppe: "It's Giuseppe. And good."
Lee: [noticing a backpack] "Whoa! This looks just like my bag!"
Giuseppe: "These are the limited edition Carl Von Wurst bags. The only place in the city that has them."
Lee: "Who bought the other ones?"
Giuseppe: "People's faces are interchangeable. That's a line from a poem I'm writing."
Lee: "Okay, what about..." [He spots a security camera.] "Security videos?"
Giuseppe: "Can you leave now? I have to do my job, and I really don't like you."
[Brad and Tina pass by the store. Lee hides from them and then follows them as soon as they pass the store. He calls Holger as a shadowy figure peeks out at him from a corridor.]
Holger: [squirting water into players' mouths] "Freeze! Pow. I come in peace. Locked. Reloaded. H2O. Drink zis." [His phone rings, and he answers the water bottle.] "Ja, hello, you've reached Holger. Waterboy supremo." [realizing] "Oh." [He answers his phone.]
Lee: "Holg! I need you to come to the bag store in the mall, and get the security tapes to find out who else bought my knapsack. 'Emo Joe' won't give 'em to me."
Holger: "Holger do, for help of friendship." [A football player comes by for water, but Holger just runs off.] "Bee-yoop, bee-yoop, bee-yoop, bee-yoop!"
[In the mall, Lee gets another call.]
Lee: [annoyed] "Great, another call." [He answers it.]
Radcircles: "That is a pretty swell knapsack."
Lee: "Who is this?!?"
Radcircles: "You mean you can't tell the voice of your new best friend? Maybe I should have started with a knock-knock."
Lee: [realizing] "Radcircles?"
Radcircles: "Bingo. At the mall when you should be in detention? Tsk tsk. I hope someone doesn't tell Barrage."
Lee: [looking around] "Where are you? How can you see me?" [Radcircles hangs up.] "Hello? Hello?"


[In detention, Biffy is still playing on his phone while Kimmie is bored.]
Biffy: [laughing] "This app is awesome! You can put anyone's head on anyone's body!" [reserved] "Not that you'd care."
Kimmie: "Uch. Okay, fine, I'm bored. Do one of Mr. M."
[Biffy takes a picture of Kimmie's dog and fiddles with it. Soon, Wendell Barrage has a giant chihuahua head. Biffy and Kimmie laugh.]
Biffy: "Wanna try another one?"
Kimmie: "Obv. I'm a snob, not dead."
[Biffy does another one. This one puts Mr. Margolious's head on his body. They laugh.]
Kimmie: "Hilarious! I forgot how funny you were!" [They smile at each other.] "It's kinda not totally horrible hanging out with you again."
Biffy: [uncomfortable] "Uh, if you bring up us playing together as babies, I'll freak."
Kimmie: [moving away from him] "Ew! As if! I'd rather vomit."
[Biffy nods assent and returns to his game. He glances back at her.]


[Tina tosses a coin into a wishing well.]
Brad: "Did you wish for the multiplication of the purple burrowing frog?" [He shows her a picture. Tina initially looks disgusted but soon recovers her composure.]
Tina: "If I tell you it won't come true."
[Brad shrugs and tosses a coin over his shoulder.]
Lee: [getting hit] "Ow!" [Tina and Brad walk over to him.]
Tina: [bored] "What are you doing here?"
Lee: "Brad! Tina! What a coincidence!"
Tina: "It's not a coincidence if you knew we'd be here." [She crosses her arms.]
Lee: [to Brad] "Do you mind if I steal Tina for a sec? I have an urgent, uh, bathing, cap, question."
Brad: "Aw, sure man. If you need to talk water safety, she's your gal."
[Tina giggles and goes off with Lee.]
Tina: [whispering angrily] "You're ruining my date!" [realizing] "No way. I have a date!" [happy] "Tina Kwee you go girl!"
Lee: "Yeah, about that. I saw Brandy pass him a note in the hall, and–"
Tina: [worried] "A note? Why didn't you say something earlier?"
Lee: "I tried, but–"
Tina: [gasping] "I certainly hope you told the cops there's some note-passing hooligans on the loose." [Lee looks at her sternly.] "I don't need you to protect me from Brad. Okay?"
[Tina walks away from him. Lee walks in the other direction and spots his principal.]
Lee: "Barrage!" [He ducks behind a plant.] "What's he up to?"
Principal General Barrage: [to a hidden person] "Sure, it's Ping."
Lee: "That's my name!"
[Meanwhile, Tina returns to Brad.]
Tina: "Huh?"
[Tina sees him hi-five Brandy and then sees the Glamazons walk away. Lee, meanwhile, watches as Barrage hands over a suitcase that was handcuffed to his wrist moments ago.]
Principal General Barrage: "All taken care of." [muffled] "Don't ah–"
Lee: "Don't–don't what? Don't kill him don't feed him cafeteria meatloaf?"
[Lee pushes himself up to try and get a better view and ends up knocking over the plant he's hidden behind. This attracts the principal's attention, and he spots a tuft of Lee's hair peeking out from behind the overturned plant.]
Principal General Barrage: [approaching the plant] "Ping!"


[The principal approaches the plant.]
Principal General Barrage: "Outta detention?"
[The principal grabs at the tuft and pulls out a flower. Lee has slipped away.]


[Holger enters Giuseppe's workplace in a heavy and completely unconvincing disguise.]
Holger: "Ja. Hello. My name is...uh...Sven Svendleson! I'm with the...uh...videotape camera company! I here for tapes!"
Giuseppe: [leaning back] "Riiight. I know who you are, Holger. I'm in the Down With Lee Club, and by the way, we don't like you either."
Holger: [after a short pause] "'Holger?' Who is this 'Holger' you speak of? From what you are saying this 'Holger' fellow would seem to be the most greatest of people, no?"
Giuseppe: "No. Now buy something or get out."
[Holger pauses for a second and then puts a piggybank on the counter.]
Holger: "I'd like to buy all your videotapes."
Giuseppe: "Get outta here."
[Holger leaves the store sadly and calls Lee.]
Lee: "Holg."
Holger: "Lee, it's Holger, from school."
Lee: "Yeah yeah, how's it going in the bag store?"
Holger: "Not so goody."
Lee: "You just need Emo Joe out of there for a sec. Hold on." [He makes another call.] "Zed, if you're anywhere near the mall, I could use a favor."


[Shortly thereafter, the skaters roll through the mall and toss rolls of toilet paper at the bag store.]
Giuseppe: "Hey!" [chasing the skaters] "You can't do that!"
[Holger sneaks into the store, stuffs all of the security tapes into his pants, and strides out whistling.]


[Lee is still spying on Brad and Tina's date. They are sharing a milkshake. Tina sighs.]
Tina: "Brad, I heard Brandy gave you a note at school. Did it have something to do with my hair extension exposé?"
Brad: [laughing] "You mean, this?" [He holds up a bill.]
Tina: "A ten-dollar bill? She paid you?"
Brad: [pleasantly] "She wanted to donate money to my 'Save the Saint Helena Dirtwig' fund. Always looking for an angle, huh?"
Tina: [insecure] "Sorry. It's the reporter in me–"
Brad: "Well, it's that reporter that saved my life. I think it's actually really cool that you're so into something."
Tina: "Well–gosh, yeah, I–"
Brad: [taking out a camera] "Hey, could I get a picture of you? Y'know, so I can remember this–" [looking away nervously] "–date?"
Tina: "Sure, I'd love to remember our first–" [smiling nervously] "–date too."
[Brad raises the camera and waves Tina into a better position underneath the second floor railing. Lee spots Brandy and the Glamazons arriving at the railing. Brandy has the bottle of poison at the ready.]
Lee: "I knew it!" [The general walks by Brad and Tina.] "Aw, man."
[Lee spots the Green Apple Splat mascot. He quickly runs over to it, steals the headpiece, and then grabs one of the decorative vines, which he uses to swing over to Tina and knock her out of the way. Shocked, Brad runs over to where Tina was standing just as Brandy pours out the bottle. The liquid inside lands on his hair, bleaching it blonde.]
Tina: [shocked] "Brad!" [She runs over to him.]
Brad: [angry] "Wow. Brandy was right about you."
Tina: "What are you talking about?"
Brad: "Your little powwow with Lee." [He points to his hair.] "Your plan was to humiliate me, just like you did the Glamazons."
Tina: "Brad that's not true." [He walks away from her. She slumps.]
Lee: [walking up to Tina] "That didn't turn out like I thought."
Tina: "I told you to stay out of this!"
Lee: [submissive] "Sorry. You were right. I–thought he was shallow 'cause he's popular but I was wrong. He–obviously, really likes you." [Tina raises an eyebrow.] "I get it, 'cause I like–" [The clock in the mall bongs.] "Four o'clock?!? I gotta get back to detention before Barrage!"
Tina: [angry] "Well he's headed toward the parking lot now." [Lee gasps.] "Why don't you go ask him for a ride?"
[Lee puts on his disguise and runs as fast as he can. Fortunately, there is a bus waiting at the bus stop.]
Lee: "Don't leave! Don't leave!"
Splat Mascot Employee: "Give me back my helmet!"
Lee: "Sor-ry!"
[Lee takes off the helmet and throws it to his pursuer, who falls down when it hits him. Just before Lee can reach the bus, it leaves.]
Lee: [choking in the exhaust fumes] "Yep. I'm a dead man."
Stinky: "Where do you think you're going?"
[Stinky pulls up to Lee on a motorscooter. He dismounts and approaches Lee, who cringes, awaiting the upcoming blow. Instead of punching Lee, however, Stinky puts his hand on Lee's shoulder.]
Stinky: "In such a hurry?"
Lee: "Are you gonna kill me now or later? 'Cause now is better for my schedule."
Stinky: "Kill you?" [He laughs.] "Thank you's more like it! 'Cause of you, I'm following my dream, and going to clown school!" [He puts on his clown hat.] "Pretty clowny, huh?"
Lee: [smiling nervously] "The clowniest. So, wanna repay the favor?"


[Lee is soon perched behind Stinky, wearing his backup helmet. When they meet Barrage at a stoplight, Lee carefully angles his face away to escape detection while making a phone call. As soon as the light turns green, Stinky guns the motor.]
Lee: [annoyed] "C'mon Biffy, pick up!"


[Biffy and Kimmie are currently embroiled in an argument.]
Biffy: "You stopped being friends with me the first day of grade seven!"
Kimmie: "It was also the first day you wore that dumb hat. And you stopped being friends with me first."
[Biffy takes a picture of himself and looks at it.]
Biffy: "Wha?!?" [He coughs.] "It's not a dumb hat! And besides, the summer before grade seven, you got all–" [falsetto] "–girly."
[Kimmie sighs.]
Kimmie: [sad] "So? Should we be enemies forever?"
Biffy: [shrugging] "Immno." [sheepish] "There's a Friends Again app I've been wanting to try."
Kimmie: [smiling] "Let's try it!" [They smile at each other.]


[Stinky skids to a halt in the parking lot. Lee dismounts and runs for the school.]
Stinky: "Keep on rocking!" [He laughs. Lee throws Stinky's spare helmet back to him.] "Love that guy!"
[Barrage arrives in the parking lot. He parks his car and heads for the school. Inside the building, Lee has run into a problem: a cleaner has replaced the vent cover he used to exit the vents. Lee takes out his cell phone and calls Biffy.]
Biffy: [answering] "Yello."
Lee: [frustrated] "Yello? Where have you been?"
Biffy: "Uh here, stuck with Kimmie, remember?" [He and Kimmie exchange thumbs-ups.]
Lee: "I'm in major need of a Barrage distraction. Got anything?"
Biffy: "Gotcha covered. Head to detention and wait for my cue."
Lee: "What cue?!?"
[Biffy hangs up and turns to Kimmie.]
Biffy: "Can I use Mr. Margolious for a sec?"
[Lee heads for detention and hides behind a vending machine, away from the prying eyes of the cleaners. The principal arrives from the other direction and pushes the door open. Kimmie's chihuahua runs through the initial small opening, distracting the principal.]
Principal General Barrage: "What in Sam Hubbard's sweet little cupboard?"
Lee: "That's gotta be my cue." [He presses himself against the drink machine.]
Principal General Barrage: [giving chase] "After him!" [The cleaners join in the pursuit.] "Canine vermin!"
[After they pass, Lee slips into detention and slides behind his desk. Soon he realizes that Kimmie is staring at him. The principal then throws open the door, and Kimmie stands up.]
Kimmie: "I wanna say something on record."
[The principal looks at her questioningly while Lee and Biffy both look scared.]
Kimmie: "I will never, ever, do anything again that'll make me spend another second with these losers!"
[The principal scratches his chin before deciding to take her words at face value.]
Principal General Barrage: [pleased] "Lesson learned. De-smissed!"
[Kimmie walks towards the door. When she reaches it and is out of the principal's sight, she turns back to Biffy and mouths the words "call me" to him. Biffy blushes slightly.]
Kimmie: [in the hall] "C'mon, Mr. Margolious." [The dog leaps into her arms.]


[That night, Lee talks to his friends through video chat.]
Lee: "Man, Tina hates me. I've ruined everything."
Camillio: "Yeah, pretty much." [He gets beaned with a volleyball.] "What the? ANGELINA!" [He chases after his sister.]
Lee: "So Holg. Have you figured out who's got the same knapsack as me? Whoever it is could be Radcircles."
Holger: "Still watchy. So many tapes! They make my eyes go ooh-ooh-ooh."
Lee: "Thanks buddy. Just let me know as soon as you find anything."
Holger: "Okay. Nighty night."
[Holger turns off the computer and goes back to watching security tapes.]
Holger: [tired] "No thing, no thing." [He yawns. Suddenly, his yawn turns into a gasp.] "Nickelschniffel!"
[Holger pauses the tape. Cam is buying a copy of Lee's bag.]
Memory Lee: Whoever it is could be Radcircles.
[Lee's words echo in Holger's mind.]
Holger: "No-ho-ho! Not Cam!"
[Holger falls over backwards from shock at the idea that Cam may have betrayed his best friend.]
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