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Script


Lee: [as A. Nigma High appears] "Hi. Lee Ping here. And this is a place where a prank I didn't do got me a full year of detention." [Lee and Biffy run down the hall.]
Biffy: [voice-over] "Yep. Dude's troubles run deep."
Lee: "Oh and, this is Biffy."
Biffy: "Sup!"
Lee: "And you're probably wondering, what's with all the running? Well, let's back it up." [The video rewinds.] "We were in detention with Jenny. It was the end of lunch–"
Biffy: "Oh who cares! And you need to go farther back than that."
Lee: "Okey-doke. So, Jenny was digging for clues, I was tussling with some ninja dude from the Council who stole my key, and Biffy was tracking him. How'd you do that?"
Biffy: "I keep telling you, I know everything. Plus I was at Kimmie's, get this. Her mom's got a machine that taps into all those bugs, the ones in everyone's bedrooms, and yours was on the move. The key's last known location? A downtown casino called the Hydra."
[Biffy and Lee are seen running out of detention.]
Lee: "Yeah. And I'm gonna need it back."
[The duo run out of school.]
Biffy: "Hurry up!"
Principal General Barrage: [stepping in front of them] "Well, flop on my flippers, and call me George P. W. Gershwin! Where do you think you're going?"
Detentionaire

Principal General Barrage: "Well? I asked you two piña coladas a question!"
Lee: "Uh–" [exercising weakly] "Out doing military lunges in the brisk autumn air?"
Principal General Barrage: "Yee-haw, Mister Ping! Ain't you two a regular comedy special! Well, take it on the road, maggot-lickers, and march your pathetic little poochies to the gym! Now! For an important assembly! Move it! Go go go!"


[By 1:15, the entire student body has gathered in the gym.]
Principal General Barrage: [onstage] "Listen up! There's a big la-de-dah, once in a lifetime solar e-clipse coming! And since your parents don't think you have enough brain cells in your tiny skulls not to look di-rectly into the sun and burn your retinas out, you'll be watching a film about e-clipse safety!"
[A screen drops from the ceiling, and a movie is projected onto it.]
Cartoon Scientist: "Solar eclipses, and you, let's review. Solar eclipses are not your friend. If given half the chance, they will burn the delicate little eyeballs right out of your head." [A cartoon kid leaps out the front door of his house.] "Hi there Jackie! Before you go out and play, you should put on your safety glasses! After all, there's a big solar eclipse today!"
Jackie: "Aw, safety glasses is for chumps and squares!"
[As the cartoon continues, Lee looks at Biffy.]
Lee: [whispering] "Dude! We can't just sit here and watch a stupid flick! Magic key? Evil ninja? Casino? We gotta–"
Biffy: "Go? Yeah yeah, okay. Now! Break!" [He drops to the floor, and Lee follows him.]
Cartoon Scientist: [offscreen] "No Jackie, don't look up!" [Lee and Biffy crawl along the floor.]
Jackie: "Uh, ain't looking up is for chumps and squares."
[Lee and Biffy make it to the gym doors. Unfortunately, they are locked. Onscreen, the little boy looks directly at a solar eclipse and ends up setting his eyes on fire.]
Jackie: [eyes aflame] "AAAAAAHHH!"
Cartoon Scientist: "Poor Jackie. Yes, it really can happen that fast. He should've worn, safety glasses." [The character puts on a pair of the glasses.]
Principal General Barrage: "What is it now?" [The lights come up.] "Ping! Goldstein! Sit down! Now!" [The duo sit on the floor by the door.] "We're trying to watch a film here!"
[Jimmy runs around in pain while three other kids watch. The scientist comes by and hands each child a pair of safety goggles, and they cheer. Jimmy sprays a fire extinguisher in his eyes.]
Principal General Barrage: [overjoyed] "Children. Engulfed in flames. That's priceless." [He laughs.]


[When after-school detention rolls around, Jenny has her book on a desk and her finger in her nose. The principal lets two other students into the detention room.]
Principal General Barrage: "What in the name of little Lord Frankenpickle is your diggity-donkin doing inside your pickety-squeeze honker?" [Jenny's cheeks redden.]
Jenny: "Yeah, thanks for making it all like into a Broadway production, I'm working on it okay?"
Principal General Barrage: "Well work on it faster Miss Lippity-Lip. Oh, and by the way–" [holding up a wrecked digital camera] "–if anyone knows who planted this vid-e-o doohickey by my security keypad thingamajigger, tell 'em to come down to my office to claim it, so that we can have ourselves a chat!" [He leaves, and the door shuts.]
Biffy: "Okay escape, no can do, we're officially nailed. And man that movie went on for like ever."
Detention System: "Detention is in effect. No talking."
Jenny: [softly] "Okay, so check it, the book? Crazy intel, like insane!"
Biffy: "Whoa hold off, me and him still gotta talk about our uh, priority Alpha Strike Team escape situation!"
Detention System: "No talking." [Biffy gets blasted with foam. He coughs.]
Jenny: [hushed] "Yeah, well I was talking about this! Look. A library card pocket, but no card!"
Biffy: [quietly] "Whoa. Better make a call to Dewey Decimal and his crack Book Squad." [He laughs until he takes another foam blast to the face.]
Jenny: [whispering] "If we find this card, we find out who else checked out this book!"
Biffy: [softly] "Yeah, great. So, ya like kitties?"
Jenny: [quietly] "Yeah, why? And hello, I was talking!" [Biffy takes his cat out of his vest.] "Oh, she's so cute!" [cuddling the cat] "A cutey cutey!" [She continues to cuddle Mrs. Rumplekittykat.] "Cutey cutey cute, cute cute cute!"
Biffy: [hushed] "Always works." [leading Lee away] "Okay, back to what's important. My hunch, our key thief doesn't steal a magical key and just go gamble it away. Fifty bucks says he's hiding out there!"
Lee: [quietly] "Like in the epic kung-fu movie Enter the Casino?"
Biffy: [whispering] "Actually more like the sequel Return to the Casino which by the way is hands-down way better!"
Lee: [softly] "Totally debatable."
Biffy: [hushed] "Totally not! Okay, so we wait detention out. You go home, fake a tummyache, bed early, sneak out!"
Lee: [quietly] "Love it! Then all of us meet at the bus stop."
Biffy: [whispering] "Right. Wait what?!? All of us?!?"
Lee: [hushed] "Dude, casino of evil? We're gonna need backup. As in Cam and Holger?"
Biffy: [softly] "All the backup I need is right here. Say hello to Meltdown–" [holding up his left arm] "–and Pummel." [He holds up his right arm.]
Jenny: [quietly] "Oh yeah, your muscles are very large! You should be so proud!"
Biffy: [hushed] "Just so we're clear, I'm not sure I like you."


[Lee's mother is checking on her sick child.]
Mrs. Ping: "You don't have a fever."
Lee: [ill] "I think it's a stomach thing." [His mother kisses his forehead.]
Mrs. Ping: "Feel better!" [walking out of the room] "I have to go pick up your father from the airport by seven." [She shuts the door, and then opens it and looks back in.] "And if you can, clean up the living room. It's a mess!" [shutting the door] "It looks like a war zone down there!"
Lee: [ill] "Okay Mom. Bye." [Once he's sure she's gone, he sits up.] "So Dad's flight lands in an hour. That should give me enough time."


[Biffy paces outside the Hydra.]
Biffy: "Aw man where is everyone?"
[Cam and Holger walk up. Holger is dressed in a garish purple suit and is carrying a cane.]
Holger: "Biffy? Vhere is being your disguise?"
Biffy: "My what?"
Holger: "Everybody's knowing all top-secrety spy missions be needing the disguise!" [spinning his cane] "I, am Colonel Von Baron Von Moneypants. Famed international gambler, and Mayan art collector!"
Biffy: "Uh-huh." [pointing to Camillio] "So where's his disguise?"
Camillio: "Oh that? Yeah, I'm-I'm not wearing one."
Holger: [pleading] "But Cam make pinky toe promise!"
Camillio: "Okay, fine." [He puts on a fake mustache.] "There. I'm me. Like, five years older. Happy? Sheesh."
Holger: "Most yesfinitely!" [He laughs.] "So, now, vhere is being your disguise?"
Biffy: "I'm gonna go as the guy who doesn't beat you up for being a weirdo." [He punches his palm.] "And you." [looking at Cam] "Really?"
Camillio: "I didn't want to, but dude kept whimpering at me with his stupid like, like puppy dog eyes?" [Holger makes the eyes for Biffy.] "Yeah! Like that!"
[Biffy's phone rings. He answers it.]
Biffy: "Yo, you're late! Where you at?"
Lee: "On my way. Mom got all nursey on me and–" [He gets another call.] "Hold on, call waiting."
Biffy: "No wait, we were just g–" [Lee hangs up on him.]
Holger: "Did Leemiester be putting you on hold? No vorries, friend. Let Holger be soothing all your nerves by singing on hold music. Boo boo, boo boo ba ba ba bum. Do do, do da da do do da. Ba ba ba ba, ba ba. Do do da da do, da do da da..."
[While Holger sings, Lee talks to Jenny.]
Lee: "Jenny, what's up?"
Jenny: "I snuck into the library and found the missing library card. I know who took it out! It's weird. One person, over and over. Someone named Niles Peg?"
Lee: "Who?" [His phone beeps.] "Hold on, 'nother call." [answering] "Go for Lee."
Tina: "Lee! You were right! I found that bug in my room! What's going on, who put them there, what is–"
Lee: "All great questions, but Jenny's in the library and she just found out something big. Call you back?" [He hits his earpiece.] "Jenny! Sorry, that was Tina, I had to ditch her. So any intel on Niles Peg? What's his story?"
Tina: [annoyed] "Still me actually, you know, Tina? The one you had to ditch?" [She slaps her forehead.] "Ugh! Why is Jenny in the library? And-and who is Niles Peg? And does this have to do with everyone being bugged? If so I'm in! Meet you in the library!" [She hangs up.]
Lee: "No Tina wait I meant–" [He sighs.] "Jenny?"
Jenny: "No worries. So–" [A door opens and a cleaner can be heard.] "Now you hold on."
[Jenny ducks behind the desk as several cleaners and a Council member file in.]
Female Council Member: "Now, according to my research, the book should be in here." [She shows a picture of it to the cleaners.] "This is what it looks like. Now fetch!"
Jenny: [whispering into her phone] "You are so not gonna believe this! Okay, a pack of cleaners just showed up with some chick, and they're totally looking for the book!"
Lee: [worried] "Get out of there!"
Jenny: "Duh, sort of trying to?"
Female Council Member: "You there! Halt!"
[Jenny drops her phone.]
Lee: "Jenny? Jenny? Biffy?"
Biffy: "Finally." [He shoves a still-singing Holger away.] "Your friend is killing me."
Lee: "Change of plans. Jenny's in a nine-one-one. Hold where you're at. Got a sitch."
Biffy: "Ain't happening, we're going in. What're we looking for again?"
Lee: "Okay, keep your eye out for a guy who smells like rotten eggs. Cool jacket, the key should be in a red case. But look out, he's dangerous." [Biffy hangs up.] "Hello?" [to the sky] "Be careful guys."
[Lee turns towards school. Inside the school, the cleaners and Council member approach Jenny.]
Female Council Member: "School is closed. Why are you here? Get that finger out of your nose this instant! And–what are you hiding behind your back?"
[Behind Jenny's back is the book.]


[The three teenagers walk into the casino.]
Biffy: "Ping's a no-show, so blend in and keep your eyes peeled for a dude–" [He walks into a bouncer.]
Bouncer: "Can I help you uh, gentlemen?"
Camillio: "Nah. We cool. Just here to play like some blackjack, you know, maybe some high-stakes–"
Holger: "Go Fish!"
Camillio: "Uh, that too. Sure."
Bouncer: "IDs."
Holger: [outraged] "IDs? IDs?!? How dare you! Do you know who is I, hmm? Hmm?!? Doctor Jerome Dillingsworth, of Moneypits! The third!" [Camillio nods assent.] "International M.D., of mystery!"
Camillio: [whispering] "Yo dude I thought you was Colonel Van Baron Von Moneypants."
[A security camera in the ceiling focuses on the group.]
Biffy: "Uh, I'm not with the crazies so, whatever." [The bouncer gets a message in his earpiece.] "Bouncer."
Bouncer: [distracted] "What? Oh. Okay." [to the teenagers] "Welcome, boys, um, gentlemen. The Serpent is eager to make your acquaintance."
[The teenagers walk deeper into the belly of the Hydra. A shadowy figure with a snake watches them from inside of his office.]
The Serpent: "Look my friend, some little bees are fluttering up, hungry for their honeycomb. So, I wonder how this will all, play out." [He rolls a pair of dice with odd symbols. The snake wrapped around his shoulders hisses.]


[Jenny is being pushed off of school grounds by a hazmat when Lee rides up.]
Jenny: "Okay, I like, know how to walk." [It shoves her.] "Uh!"
Lee: "You okay?"
Jenny: [sarcastic] "Yeah, being thrown out on my butt is a regular old day at the spa." [She gets up and dusts herself off.]
Lee: "So the book, they get it?"
[Jenny smiles.]
Jenny: "Nah, I totally hid it!" [She remembers sliding it behind a book cart.] "And we need back in to get it."
Tina: [panting] "Lee! Guys! Wait up!" [She runs up to them.]
Jenny: [upset] "Whoa. What's she doing here?"
Tina: [antagonized] "What am I doing here?"
Lee: "Uh–"
Tina: "What are you doing here, I've been in on the action since like day one! Lee."
Lee: "Uh oh."
Jenny: "Tell Miss News Nerd this is too dangerous for her." [Lee looks at the guard tower.] "Whatever, let's just go."
[Jenny climbs through the bars on the main gate, and Lee and Tina follow. They sneak through the bushes.]
Tina: [angry] "First off, my name is Tina, not News Nerd, and I have been frozen in crystal, brainwashed, and chased by robot janitors! I think I can handle sneaking into school." [They sneak around the corner of the school.] "As long as that finger of yours doesn't touch me, I'll be fine. Besides, school's locked."
Jenny: "Duh." [They make it to a slightly open door.] "That's why I did this?" [She removes a rock from the base of the door and keeps it propped open with her foot.] "News Nerd."
Lee: [whispering as they enter the school] "Ladies! This really isn't the time!" [He lets the door shut.]
Jenny: [as they walk through the halls] "Nice going, almost got us busted!"
Tina: "Okay, you know something?" [They stop.]
Jenny: "Please. Save it. You're not sure you like me. I get it all the time." [She walks off.]
Tina: "Gee, I wonder why." [She and Lee follow Jenny.]


[An elevator takes the trio of teenagers to a large, lavish office. They exit.]
Camillio: [disgusted] "Oh, whoa, dude, you got some rotten eggs in here? Oh man, and the cologne covering it up just makes it worse!"
The Serpent: [facing away from them] "Lee Ping's Brat Pack." [looking over his shoulder] "Welcome." [His snake hisses, and the group gasps.]
Biffy: "Uh, and you are?"
The Serpent: "Me?" [He turns around.] "I'm talking. Mr. Biffy T. Goldstein." [He presses a button on his remote, and the shutters behind him unfold to reveal a large panel made of connected screens. Biffy's picture is on the screens.] "Loves three things. Cake, cats, and Kimmie."
Camillio: [amused] "Pfffh! Hah! I knew it, bro!" [Biffy punches him in the shoulder.] "Ah!"
The Serpent: "Camillio Esmereldo Martinez, wet the bed until the age of seven." [Cam's picture appears on the panel.]
Camillio: "Ha! Wrong! Try six-and-a-half, bro! Okay maybe like three-quarters, max."
[Holger's picture appears.]
The Serpent: "Holger Holgaart. The only thing you like more than unicorns with sideburns is braised narwhal liver with fried aardvark."
Holger: [gasping] "Okay. Holger scared now."
The Serpent: "I have something you want." [He presses a button, and the case appears inside a plastic dome on a pedestal.] "But the crazy part is, I want it too." [He pets the dome.] "So, why don't we play for it?" [He takes out a deck of cards. The snake hisses, and the group recoils.] "Gentlemen, focus, don't mind him! Pick a game. You win, you get the case. Sound fair?"
Camillio: "Uhnkay, but what if we um, lose?"
The Serpent: [walking up to him] "Do you know my friend here, Kenny Twenty Pounds of Meat a Day? I'll even make it sporting! Best two out of three!" [placing a hand on Holger's shoulder] "Your choice! Any game!"
[Holger giggles nervously.]
Camillio: "Uh-uh, dude, do not touch those cards!"
Holger: [trying to avoid the snake] "Nice snakey, no want to eat Holger!"
[The snake lunges at Holger, and he stumbles backwards into The Serpent. He knocks the cards to the ground.]
The Serpent: [applauding] "Excellent choice!"
Camillio: "But we didn't pick a game bro!"
The Serpent: "Sure he did. Fifty-two pickup!" [He emits a high-pitched giggle.]
Biffy: [annoyed] "Oh, Holger, you idiot you–"
Holger: [picking up cards] "Ooh less yelling more helping, okay?"
[Biffy and Cam dive to the ground and help Holger pick up cards. The Serpent does not join in, instead choosing to watch. When the carpet is clean, Holger crawls over to the desk and sets his cards down.]
The Serpent: [amused] "Fun! Looks like you won that round. Good for you! But remember, it's two out of three."
Biffy: "Yeah, can we have a minute?" [The group huddles, and Biffy whispers.] "Okay genius, you just locked us into a game to the death with a guy who runs a casino!"
Camillio: [turning to The Serpent] "Uh, yeah Mister Spooky Owner of–of Hungry Snakes and Stuff, how about we just like call this whole silly game off? Uhnkay? Okay smell you later bro!"
[The teenagers head for the elevator. The Serpent snaps his fingers, and the elevator doors open, revealing a bouncer waiting inside.]
The Serpent: "Boys, this is a casino. We take our games very seriously here."
[Biffy and Cam turn towards the casino owner and begin walking back to him.]
Biffy: "Okay, fine. Wobbly Tower."
Camillio: "Dude, what're you–"
Biffy: "Dude, I've never lost. You need razor-sharp reflexes and crackerjack timing to build a tower super high, and not knock it over." [A fly buzzes past him.]
The Serpent: "Yes." [He snatches the fly out of midair.] "Like this." [He feeds the fly to his snake.]
Holger: [scared] "Ashih, ashoofihoofen!" [He hides behind Biffy's right bicep.]


[The search is still going on inside the library.]
Female Council Member: [impatient] "Where is that confounded book? Keep looking. They're scheduled to arrive any moment."
[The Council member begins looking herself, as the main doors creak open behind her, revealing Lee, Tina, and Jenny.]
Jenny: [whispering] "It's over there, under the desk!"
Lee: [whispering] "Watch my back."
Jenny: [whispering] "Nah, you watch mine." [She runs into the library.]
Lee: [whispering] "Wait, Jenny!" [He holds the door open.]
Tina: [on her phone] "What was that guy's name again? And when did he go to school?"
Lee: "Huh, who? Niles–Peg I think, why?"
[They hear a cleaner approaching and shut the doors. As soon as it passes, Lee eases the door open and looks inside again.]
Lee: "Ah. Contact."
[Jenny smiles at him from behind a book cart before looking up nervously. She has gotten the book, but a cleaner is right next to her. Thankfully, it hasn't noticed her yet.]
Lee: [to himself] "Uh-oh."
[Lee pulls a candy bar out of his pocket and throws it into the library. It makes a noise when it hits the ground, and the cleaner goes to investigate. Jenny walks behind him before peeling off and exiting the library. Lee and Tina follow her.]
Lee: "Okay. That was close."
Jenny: "Whatevs. Totally got it. Check it." [She pulls out the library receipt.] "Niles Peg. The only one to ever take it out. And he did so for three years in a row! Eighty-six, eighty-seven, eighty-eight. Then again in two thousand nine!"
Lee: "Uh, okay. That's weird."
Tina: [using her phone] "Not when you check the yearbooks. They're online. And look! Niles Peg in two thousand and nine!" [She holds up her phone.] "Look familiar?"
[On the screen is a picture of the eternally sleeping detention warden–awake.]
Lee: "The sleeping teacher in detention? Okay, you have gotta be kidding me!"
[They hear the sound of Barrage's metal foot. They turn to look and see that Barrage is at the library doors with two Council members.]
Male Council Member: "Why are we up here? We should be down there."
Cassandra: [pushing the library door open] "Patience. She says she has something for us." [The trio of adults enter the library. The teenagers follow in order to watch. Lee places his hand on Jenny's arm to steady himself as they look into the library, and Tina's eyes widen.]
Female Council Member: "It seems the book is not here."
Cassandra: "Do we really need it?"
Male Council Member: "Trust me, we don't need her silly book. All we need is this." [He holds up his metal briefcase. The Council members and Barrage head for the back of the library.]
Lee: [opening the doors] "Okay, you two stay here. I'm gonna–"
Jenny: "What, be a hero? I've got this." [She walks into the library.]
Tina: [following Jenny] "C'mon!"
Lee: [bringing up the rear] "I got a bad feeling about this."
[The Council has made it to the tunnels, and they're about to head down.]
Cassandra: "Principal, I would absolutely kill for a coffee. Can you get me one before we get started? Cheers."
[Showing no emotion, Principal Barrage turns around and heads for the door. Lee, Jenny and Tina gasp as he walks toward them.]


[A blue symbol flashes over the principal's vision as he walks towards the main library. He has all three teens in his sight.]
Lee: "Uh, sir, I–I mean, we can explain–"
Principal General Barrage: [dully] "My order sixty-seven. Coffee. Kill for one. If necessary."
Lee: "Uh, no need to kill! We'll just–"
[The principal walks away, paying them no heed.]
Tina: "Okay. What just happened?"
Jenny: "I think he's under their control."
Lee: "More brainwashing?"
Tina: "If you're half-robot, I think it's technically called being hacked."
Jenny: "Yo. Let's debate the finer points of mind control later. C'mon!"
[The trio run through the still-open door to the tunnels. The door shuts behind them.]


Biffy: "JINX DON'T KNOCK IT!"
[The Serpent, unimpressed, stifles a chuckle.]
The Serpent: "Don't worry." [He moves a block from the middle of the tower to the top.] "I never do. You're up Mister Goldstein!" [Biffy examines the tower carefully, trying to find a point from which he can take a block.] "So gentlemen, tell me more about your friend Lee. How long have you all been friends?"
Biffy: [stressed] "I don't know, can't you check your fancy computer? Kinda busy here!"
The Serpent: [unperturbed] "His mother teaches at your school, right? What's she like?"
Holger: "Holger once see her fire a clog gun!"
The Serpent: "Yes. With Superintendent Blompkins. Is Lee...close to her?"
Camillio: "What's your fascination with our boy Ping? Kind of uh mostly totally creepy yo." [to Biffy] "Uh-uh. Not that one."
The Serpent: "Bravo." [He winks at his snake.] "What about Lee's father?"
Biffy: "Dude we are not gonna aha! This one!" [The snake coils around his leg as he's about to pull it, and the tower falls.] "Goooh! Aw come on, no fair!"
The Serpent: "That's game boys. Looks like it's a tie. Next game wins." [tossing a pack of cards back and forth] "Hmm. What will we play?"
Camillio: [craftily] "If we don't pick another game, we can't lose, so, like, you can't–make us into food."
The Serpent: "Ah. But it's not your turn to pick. It's mine. So, what will I choose?" [The Serpent rolls his pair of oddly-marked dice.] "Hmm. Interesting suggestion."


[In the pyramid room, the Council members have gathered by the pyramid. They are protected by a wall of cleaners who work to fight off the agitated blue tazelwurms. The teenagers are outside a shielded door.]
Jenny: "What're they doing?"
Tina: "We need to get closer. Is there any way to turn these off?" [She reaches towards the shield.]
Lee: "Hold on Tina don't do that. I know a way through. Now where was it?"
[Lee remembers how he threw a disembodied cleaner forearm into the hallway. He runs over to where it landed and picks it up. Barrage comes back.]
Lee: "Hide!"
[The teenagers duck out of sight as a cleaner comes over to the shield and opens it up so that the principal can come through. Barrage walks in with the coffee, and the shield reseals. After attention turns away from the shielded tunnel, Lee holds up the discarded forearm, which allows them to get into the room. They hide behind some containers.]
Cassandra: "Ah, my coffee." [She takes it from Barrage.] "Now make yourself useful and exterminate these pests." [Barrage's robotic hand falls off, revealing a crystalizer gun. He begins firing at the tazelwurms.] "Now, are we ready to do this?"
[The fat man turns around and opens his briefcase.]
Lee: "What's in there?"


[The Serpent flips his deck between his hands.]
The Serpent: "It's a simple game. High card wins."
[The casino owner tosses a card to Holger, a card to Biffy, and a card to Cam. Camillio is the first to turn his card over, revealing the five of hearts. Holger fares far worse, as he pulls the two of clubs. Even Biffy's card is thoroughly mediocre, as he gets the eight of diamonds. The trio stare at The Serpent apprehensively.]
The Serpent: "Not so good boys." [tapping his card] "Pretty sure I have a high card under here. How about a side bet? You answer three questions truthfully, and I don't flip the card."
Camillio: [confronted by the snake] "Dah!"
The Serpent: "I've noticed she really likes you."
Biffy: "Wait. What kind of questions?"
Camillio: "Who cares ese I don't wanna get all turned into snake cuisine okay?"
The Serpent: "How old is Lee, where was he born, and, where did he get his tattoo?"
Holger: "Fifteen."
Camillio: "Uh, like, somewhere in Asia, and, no clue. Onkay? Seeya, wouldn't wanna be ya, c'mon Holg!" [The trio stand up, and Cam and Holger head for the elevator.]
Biffy: "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't know he was fifteen." [He joins the others in heading for the door.]
The Serpent: "Yoo hoo!" [They turn around.] "Forgetting something?" [grabbing the suitcase] "I can't have you going away without a parting gift."
[The Serpent tosses the red case to Biffy. Biffy catches it and opens it, revealing that the case is empty apart from a place to put the keys. Biffy groans and The Serpent giggles.]


[The fat man pulls out two keys from his briefcase.]
Lee: "They have both keys! Quick, anything in the book about what happens when that thing opens?"
Jenny: [trying to decipher the pictures] "Either the world ends, or you get–heat-ray vision. Not sure which."
[The fat man walks up to the keyholes and is confronted by his colleague.]
Female Council Member: "Wait! This is a chance to be a part of history! Give me the keys." [She grabs them.]
Male Council Member: "No! This is my moment!" [They wrestle over them.] "Let go!"
Female Council Member: "You let go!"
Cassandra: [rolling her eyes] "Children." [angry] "One of you just do it!"
Female Council Member: "Give it to me! Give it!" [She stomps on his foot, and he lets go of the keys. She puts them in the locks.] "I did it!"
[The pyramid powers up, and blue symbols flash in the air above it. One of them is an eye, which shoots a ray at the woman. She falls to the floor limply.]
Lee: [whispering] "Oh no."
Tina: [whispering] "Is she..."
Male Council Member: [taking her pulse] "She's alive!"
Cassandra: [apathetic] "Hallelujah. I'm guessing this means you haven't figured out how to open it?"
Male Council Member: "But all my research points to just needing the two keys."
Cassandra: [sharply] "Well all my 'research' points to you not delivering! Now pick up those keys, and open it!"
Male Council Member: "No uh, we should, hold off. Besides, this woman needs a doctor."
Cassandra: [annoyed] "Now you suddenly care about her? Fetch my car." [She takes a sip of coffee.]
Tina: [scared] "Okay. That did not just happen."
Male Council Member: "Urf. Why won't she wake up?"
Jenny: [whispering] "Just like the teacher in detention!"
[Cassandra leads the way to the hovercraft. She is followed by the fat man and a cleaner carrying the other council member over its shoulder.]
Male Council Member: "Don't worry. I'll figure it out."
Lee: "He's gonna get away with my key!"
Cassandra: "Worrying is your department, especially if you can't open it."
[The hovercraft takes off.]
Lee: "Okay, show's over. Let's go!"
[Lee holds up the cleaner's arm, and the shield lets them go free. Behind them, the general wakes up.]
Principal General Barrage: "Huh?" [looking around] "What in blue blazes, and cherry red tomatoes, am I doing here?!?"


[Lee has a video chat with Biffy.]
Biffy: "Dude, where you been? I got super bad news."
Lee: "Yeah, I already know."
Mrs. Ping: [entering the room] "Lee? You're up? And looking better." [She smiles.]
Lee: "Oh, yeah. Much better. Where's Dad?"
Mrs. Ping: "He missed his flight. Huh. He forgets everything when I'm not around. And since you feel better, you're on living room cleanup." [She hands him a broom.]
Lee: "But I'm right in the middle of–"
Mrs. Ping: "Your friend Lee will have to speak to you tomorrow at school okay bye." [She closes the chat. Soon, Lee gets to work on the living room.]
Lee's Inner Monologue: Wow, what a day. What happened to that lady? And why didn't the pyramid just open? And aw, man, how am I gonna get my key back?
Mrs. Ping: [clearing her throat] "Hm-hmm. You missed a spot."
[Mother and son smile at each other, and Lee gets back to work.]
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